postpartum anxiety

Jill Williams Krause: On The Impending Doom of Postpartum Anxiety

By Katherine Stone May 13, 2012 9 Comments

Dear New Momma,

Wow. Are you tired, or what?

This mom thing, it is not for the weak… or those who can’t stomach coffee. I mean, I think eventually we all end up chugging a pot at some point, even if we hate the stuff.

If you’re feeling exhausted, fuzzy, sore, and, generally, like a truck hit you, please know that’s pretty normal when it comes to life with a new baby. Unfortunately.

What I want to tell you, though, is there are some things you may be feeling, hearing or seeing that are not so “normal.” I say this because it’s SO hard to decipher between what is and isn’t just a typical response to the 180 shift of your life once you become a mom when you are in the trenches.

See, I went for a really long time thinking what I was experiencing was just me being a mom… and really sucking at it. I thought what I was going through was a result of my inability to adapt. Instead, what I was experiencing was postpartum anxiety. [Read more...]

May 13, 2012 10:00 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Anxiety Symptoms, Postpartum Depression

Seeking Help for Postpartum Anxiety: What About Me, Dr. C?

By Katherine Stone March 28, 2012

Warrior Mom Stacey shares how little her obstetrician did to help her when she shared how much she was suffering from postpartum anxiety and panic attacks. Another in our series about reaching out for help and not getting much of it …

Dear Dr. C,

You seemed knowledgeable enough when I first interviewed you to be my obstetrician. We were having fertility problems and you prescribed me Clomid – we were pregnant the next month!

I should have seen it coming when you made me wait one to two hours in your waiting room at every visit, just to talk to me for five minutes. I understand that you have to be with your patients who are in labor, but that long of a wait every time seemed ridiculous!

When I went into labor, I looked for you constantly. I wanted your reassurance that everything was going to be okay. After a relatively quick eight-hour labor, you showed up basically to pull my daughter from my body and into the world. Then you sewed me up and walked out, with a shake of the hand to my husband and father. But hello? What about me, your patient? [Read more...]

March 28, 2012 9:40 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety

Postpartum Depression Survivor Series, Day 5: Coming Together Around A New Baby

By Katherine Stone February 17, 2012

Seven women who had survived postpartum depression and anxiety all became pregnant around the same time and decided to support each other using social media and email as they navigated a pregnancy and childbirth after PPD. We have featured all seven this week in a special 5-part Postpartum Depression Survivor Series. Today is part 5, and shares a conversation the group had after one of the group members, Grace, delivered her baby boy.

Deborah: Welcome, readers, to a real-life conversation that our group had over the course of 24 hours when one of us delivered a baby boy last Fall …

Grace: Hi ladies. I just wanted to take a couple minutes to drop in. RM was born on Monday morning via scheduled cesarean. Two nights in the hospital – went well, I was feeling great! Yesterday we came home and had a wonderful afternoon and first night together as a family of four. Today at about 1pm is when I started to break down. I know it’s normal to be a puddle of tears, but of course I worry and fear what couldcome. I’ve been unable to stop crying for about three hours straight. So, please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers! Again, I know this is normal first week postpartum stuff. But still … Most of what I feel is grief — missing my one and only, worrying about what I’ve given up forever, grieving the loss of our family as it was, etc. Feeling overwhelmed, worried, and scared that I could lose it at any point. Anyway, here’s to a good night’s sleep and starting fresh in the morning!!!

Deborah: Congratulations! I’m thinking of you. Not sure where you are on the medication front, but I really believe that taking my medication made a huge difference for me with DG along with getting sleep. I know this is never an easy choice. Love to talk with you about it if that is ever helpful. Take care!

Amber: Amen to what Deborah said. I chose to give up breastfeeding (per my contingency plan, though such a difficult decision) and go on my meds when I had that hormone crash. In hindsight, I might have been able to combo-feed so I didn’t have to completely dry up, but I try not to live in hindsight. You will be okay… either way. If I chose to have a number three, the thing I would focus most on is balancing how much I could take during the “wait and see if this is just bad baby blues or postpartum depression and anxiety again” phase versus being proactive and pulling the trigger on full attack treatment for PPD. I think everyone has a different capacity and can move forward with a plan without regret at a different point. Praying for you … call me day or night.

Amy: So excited to get your email announcement! This time has got to be hard – the wondering. I will be keeping you in my prayers, that you would feel good, get the sleep you need and get to know your boys together. Blessings and hugs to you!

Suzanne: I’ve been thinking about you so much, Grace. Sending lots of good vibes. I stayed on my medication throughout pregnancy and postpartum. I had to increase my dose a few weeks after S arrived because I felt that familiar crashing. It worked. And I was able to continue breastfeeding (which I was ready to stop doing and nearly did almost every day). I think my self-awareness got me through. And I see that very same thing in you. And I promise (PROMISE) that the feelings of grief over your firstborn and your family of three, while intense, will go away. I was devastated. And now I can’t imagine our family any differently than it is right this very moment. Please keep in touch! Thank you for reaching out. That’s why we’re here.

Amber: I completely agree with Suzanne. I CANNOT imagine life without L2 for even a second. I literally just talked with Katherine about this very thing … that somehow, as crazy as it sounds, I actually love my first child more (not less) after having another. It’s like my heart doubled in size or something. Sure, managing #2 and giving #1 time to grow into having a sibling is challenging, but seeing the beautiful relationship blossom is amazing. And you may not, but even if you do have some PPD again it will never be like the first time because you are so well-armed. We are all here for you and have different perspectives and experiences to offer with the common goal of supporting each other. I am so glad you reached out. I hope we all will give ourselves and each other that continuing self-care.

Yuz: Congratulations – what lovely news!!!!!! I’m so happy for you. Sorry you’re feeling low at the moment, but hopefully this will pass and it will be what people call the ‘normal baby blues’. Whatever you decide to do with your meds, just an FYI that I stayed on meds throughout my pregnancy and am still on it. I was advised by many to ‘see how you go’, but I just didn’t want to take the chance. See how you go and do what you think is the right thing for you, but my advice is not to stop taking your meds if you’ve started them (or stayed on them during your pregnancy).

I totally get where you’re coming from going from a family of three to four. I felt completely guilty when I had to be admitted to hospital early and leave O at home for that. I felt as if I was choosing one child over another and I didn’t even know this other child yet! BUT and wait for it, you have just given your toddler the best gift ever. And watching your two kids get to know each other and begin to interact with each other is one of the most AMAZING moments in your life and a reminder as to why you went down the path again. And when your toddler kisses, cuddles or holds the baby’s hand, ahhhh, get ready for it my friend, it’s awesome.

For now, just take one day at a time. Getting used to having and caring for two kids is a massive adjustment. It’s not easy. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space to go through your motions and emotions. Please stay in touch as these first few weeks are tough for anyone, not just us PPD mamas.

Grace: Thank you everyone -Your words have helped so much! I stayed on medication my whole pregnancy and will continue to. It’s nice knowing the option is there to increase if I feel I need to in coming weeks/months. Last Thursday was awful, but I managed to re-group and things have been better since. Positive self-talk is so important! Last night was rough – babe up for hours it seemed, I was bleary eyed and exhausted. This morning I felt despair briefly – but I know, I KNOW that tonight will be better. My three year old, is back at preschool today (we had a two-week vacation, city-wide) and my husband is back at work. Just me and R at home, which I was sort of dreading last week, but today I’m trying to embrace the beauty of it. Thank you for your support, I’ll keep checking in! Hope all are doing well. Happy Halloween grace

Grace: Update: things are going much better! I think my hormones have leveled out for the most part and the intense crying episodes have hopefully ended… I haven’t cried since Thursday

My parents are here now for two weeks and that has been a very helpful distraction!One thing that has been my saving grace is going to bed really early with R (usually between 7:30 and 8!). It helps me to get a longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night so that I don’t completely lose it by the wee morning when he tends to be more fussy and needy.It’s been freeing to just remain in the present, only focusing on one day at a time. Sounds simple but it’s been very important for me in just these short weeks. My anxiety is triggered when I over analyze and get too far ahead of myself, so I’m practicing shutting off those thoughts and just staying present. How is everyone else doing? Thank you all for the support, advice, kind words, it all helps sooo much!

Amber: Thanks Deborah for organizing this last of our week-long posts and to all of you for sharing your experiences so publicly. I know that it will help others so much to better understand how having a baby after experiencing a PMAD is not only possible, but that often the experience can be better than you imagined. I also hope that the unique aspects of our experiences and plans, as well as effective treatments will speak to moms and let them know that while there is not one magic fix to these awful disorders that they are treatable, knowing that we all fully recovered and found lots of self-awareness and gratification in that process.

Thanks, also to Katherine to allowing us to share our stories at Postpartum Progress, a source of reliable information and support for each of us, and therefore a special “place” for us. And, most of all, thanks to all of you Survivor Mamas for reading. Best wishes for a future filled with promise and peace.

Editor’s note: I have so much gratitude for Amber, Grace, Suzanne, Kate, Amy, Deborah and Yuz for sharing their experiences and wisdom here all week. Way to go Warrior Moms! I hope you have enjoyed this series as much as I have! ~ Katherine

February 17, 2012 9:15 am Filed Under: Postpartum Depression

Postpartum Depression Survivor Series Day Three: The Husbands

By Katherine Stone February 15, 2012

And now day three of our special postpartum depression survivor series on having more children …

Amber: Let’s talk about our families today. What was the birth order of your “postpartum depression baby”? For me, I was a first-time mom so I had no idea what to expect physically, emotionally or practically … nothing to compare it to. I kept asking myself, “is this NORMAL???” If you are married or partnered, what about your spouse/significant other? How did it affect them? How can one be helpful in the midst of postpartum depression?

Suzanne: I also suffered with my first baby. The most challenging thing during that time with my spouse was the tremendous burden he had to bear. On most days, he’d be in one room trying to console our screaming baby while I was in the other room sobbing. Neither of us knew what was wrong with me. I don’t think he fully understood my condition until I felt better and was able to function more normally. We were in survival mode for those first few months; it redefined our relationship and made us stronger.

Deborah: I also experienced a perinatal mood disorder after my first. My husband never acted like I did something wrong in terms of causing my postpartum OCD and really embraced this as the disease it is, requiring all sorts of treatments, from medicine to therapy to sleep. This gaze on me and my disease in the middle of my crisis was a godsend in terms of not adding to my stress.

Yuz: Like both of you, I too fell ill after my first baby. I felt so much confusion and anger – I had no confidence as a mother or with my daughter. I felt like a fraud. I felt like a failure as a mother. I felt as if I had failed her. I felt as if I had ‘ruined’ her emotionally due to our lack of bond and, sadly, because I often regretted having her at all. I wanted to have her adopted out. I felt ashamed for feeling everything I felt and for everything I thought. I just didn’t want to have to admit this to anyone that wouldn’t understand why I was thinking and feeling all these things, and frankly I didn’t see the point in telling them as I couldn’t see how it could have helped me or made the situation better in any way. [Read more...]

February 15, 2012 9:30 am Filed Under: Help for Fathers, Postpartum Depression

Postpartum Depression Survivor Series: Day Two

By Katherine Stone February 14, 2012

Welcome to day two of our postpartum depression survivor series on having more children …

Amber: Our little group was formed because we are all Warrior Moms. What form of perinatal mood or anxiety disorder did you suffer from and what were your symptoms?

Deborah: I suffered from postpartum OCD, which took the form of intrusive thoughts that involved images of harming my baby. It started out with racing thoughts a few days after my son was born, consisting of all the horrible things that I could potentially do to harm my newborn baby and quickly descended into a never ending loop of images that I could harm him. Scary scenes from movies I had seen decades ago would also race through my mind. I was in one big playback loop of fear and there was a tangible, biological response happening in my whole body, which I think was some sort of panic attack.

Yuz: I thought I had my bases covered in anticipation for postpartum depression while I was pregnant. I have a history of depression and anxiety and started seeing a psychiatrist specializing in mother and baby attachment in case I needed it following the birth. [Read more...]

February 14, 2012 9:30 am Filed Under: Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Depression

7 Postpartum Depression Survivors Share Their Stories Of Having More Children

By Katherine Stone February 13, 2012

This week we’re doing a special five-part series featuring seven mothers who survived postpartum depression or a related illness and went on to have more children. The series was put together by Amber Koter-Puline, and will feature input from these mothers on their experiences. I know you’re going to love this:

Welcome to our world. The world of survivors of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, like postpartum depression, who have decided to have more children. Some of us are well down the path with those additions, and others are waiting. You’ll learn more about that later. For now, I invite you to sit back, relax, maybe even grab a cup of tea and meet the women who changed my life…

Amy Brannan
http://www.livinglifejoyously.blogspot.com/Amy has a four-and-a-half-year-old daughter and is working on adopting the next. She and her husband have been married for five years and live in Washington State.Here’s Amy, in her words:
I never had any symptoms until my daughter was five months old. I went to numerous doctors because I knew something was “off” but no one mentioned postpartum depression ever and that is the hardest thing for me to still accept. I finally started doing my own research and found a website about PPD – I had every symptom listed. My husband and I went to my doctor and I was finally diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety with OCD tendencies in 2008. I started counseling and medication when my baby was ten months old – this continued for 2.5 years. In late 2010, I wasn’t getting better or at least felt like I was stuck, like I was almost over the last hurdle. I was encouraged to start seeing a psychiatrist and she helped tremendously.I also began to diligently start seeking out women who have/had postpartum depression which was when I found PPD blogs and finally started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Facebook, PPDChat and this group of survivor moms saved my life and my sanity and allowed me to accept what is now my testimony in hopes to help others. I also started my own PPD survivor’s blog, to start writing as a way of healing for me. I still battle anxiety and depression that was brought on by the PPD but it is no longer PPD. We have chosen to not get pregnant again because of the severity of my postpartum depression so we are on the waiting list of adopting our next baby! That in itself was the hardest decision to make – choosing not to become pregnant again and feeling like I was broken, no good, choosing second best and a failure.I’d like to assure women that everyone will have a different journey and every woman will have different symptoms. I’d like to encourage women that they are not damaged or different, that they are not failures as moms or wives. Guilt can be a very damaging aspect of PPD – I am proof of that. I’d like to share some thoughts on choosing “not” to become pregnant after PPD again and how women make that decision. I really needed to read about that and I found very little last year when I was struggling the most over this.

I hope to be able to reach women like me who found help when they thought they had reached the end. Women who don’t know what is wrong with them and feel alone. I want to offer support and encouragement to their families, especially their husbands. I would not have made it if it weren’t for my incredible husband and his support and love.

Deborah Rimmler
Deborah is a married mom to two boys.

Meet Deborah:
In this series, I would like to share what we as a group and individually found that worked to help create a new postpartum experience for us and our families. I hope we’ll reach any moms thinking of having a baby after postpartum. Kind of like those who have successfully had a vaginal birth after c-section or VBAC. We are the “BAPPD” (Baby After PPD) survivors with a positive message. [Read more...]

February 13, 2012 9:33 am Filed Under: Postpartum Depression

Postpartum Depression: Every Mother Shares A Common Wish To Be A Good Mom

By Katherine Stone October 5, 2011

Do you care about postpartum depression? You should.

Every mother shares a common wish. It doesn’t matter what level of education she has, where she lives, her race or her religion: she wants desperately to be a good mom. Imagine then, that most important dream being dashed at the start. At a time when others celebrate new life, this mom is devastated, disconnected and afraid. Her symptoms can range from the inability to eat or sleep, to disturbing thoughts about harming her child, to numbness or feelings of unbridled rage, among others. She is unable to function on a daily basis. She is convinced without question that she has failed as a mother.

The only way to reverse that perception and get her new family off to a healthy, strong start is to treat her for the most common complications of childbirth: postpartum depression and anxiety. Except, she either doesn’t know she needs treatment or, if she does, she doesn’t know where to find it or doesn’t have access to it. Like the vast majority of other mothers with her condition, she won’t get the professional help she needs. She has no idea whatsoever that this could lead to health problems, including lifelong chronic depression, and that her baby is being affected negatively as well when it comes to his or her cognitive development, attachment and future psychological health.

It might be one thing if she was among just a handful of moms, but she isn’t. She is among more than half a million mothers with untreated postpartum depression each year, as well as several hundred thousand more still suffering from illnesses that were never treated the previous years, and at least one million children whose future health is unquestionably at stake. And that’s just in America.

Postpartum Progress is working to change that. We need your help. We are counting on you to help us by donating today. If you join our cause by writing a post in support of Strong Start Day, please add your link below. If you send an email to all your friends and loved ones asking for their support by donating to help moms with postpartum depression, please let us know in the comments section. And know that we plan to list every single person who donates to our cause this week, except for those who prefer to remain anonymous.

To donate via credit card:

To donate via Paypal:

To link up your Strong Start Post:

October 5, 2011 9:34 am Filed Under: Awareness, Postpartum Depression

Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water: On Childhood Anxiety, Mine & Theirs

By Katherine Stone July 26, 2011

My daughter told me today, as we went on a walk through our neighborhood, that she doesn’t like walking by the pond.

“I don’t like going this way, mama.”

“Why?”

“Because what if I fall in? What if I drown?”

What if. That dreaded phrase. I know “what if” like I know the sound of my breath drawing in and back out.

* * *

When I was little, we lived in New Orleans. Whenever we went to visit my grandmother in Mississippi, which was several times each year, we had to drive over the Pontchartrain Bridge. If you don’t know, the Pontchartrain Bridge is the longest bridge in the world. For me, it was 24 miles of unmitigated terror.

The bridge is situated very low over the water. As you pass over it, you’re almost convinced you could reach out and touch the murky, swampy lake water and the dead stumps of cypress trees poking up out of it. If you’re a small, anxious child riding in the back seat, all you see is this, for miles and miles:

And miles. Nothing but bridge, and water.

I always imagined us going over the side. My mind would play the scenario over endlessly the entire way across the bridge. I knew it would happen when we were way out in the middle, too far from land for any rescue people to get to us quick. I’d try to think through what I would do, how I would get out of the car, what I might try and hold on to. I had no idea how deep it was, or what might be in that water. I was just CONVINCED that one day my luck would surely run out and I’d end up there and there’d be nothing I could do to save myself.

Did other children who rode in cars over that bridge have the same anxiety? I have no idea. For me, it was just one of my “what ifs”. I hated that bridge. In fact, I’d probably go out of my way to avoid driving over it even now, just so I wouldn’t have to relive how traumatic it was for me as a child.

* * *

As I walk with my daughter by the pond, she says she doesn’t like it. She angles her body away from it, as if it might reach out and grab her. What if she falls in, she asks, even though we’re walking at least six feet away from the very shallow edge. This is a serious concern for her. I can hear it in her voice.

I’ve never mentioned Pontchartrain Bridge to her. We’ve never discussed drowning, or any fear that I may have had as a child. I know how to swim. So does she. I like water and so does she. So how is it that she has the same kind of what if? How can it be that my troubled bridge over troubled water is hers too?

Maybe it’s normal to have fears and anxiety like I had as a child. I don’t know what normal is. I never felt comfortable enough to tell my parents how afraid I was of that bridge, or how my heart practically beat right out of my chest or that I was barely able to breathe for however long it took to drive over it. I never told them. I knew they’d dismiss my fears as ridiculous, without ever really trying to understand me. I didn’t think anybody would understand me and my “what if” mind.

I asked my daughter, “What would happen if you fell in?”

“You would get me out,” she says, half questioning and half assured.

“That’s right, presh. I’d get you out immediately. It’s okay that it makes you nervous. I’m right here with you.”

I know what ifs. I know anxiety. I’ve lived with it. I want to hear her troubles and fears. I want her to know that she can be whoever she is with me, and I will encourage her and let her know it’s okay. I will never dismiss her outright. I know the fear is as real to her as it was to me.

As much as possible, as much as is appropriate, I will be a safe bridge, a bridge without fear. I will be my children’s bridge over all the troubled water.

I’m on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

July 26, 2011 5:08 pm Filed Under: Postpartum Depression Research

7th Blogiversary Fun Facts

By Katherine Stone July 13, 2011

A few fun facts and thank yous on this, our 7th year anniversary:

We love our amazing regular contributors: the lovely and talented Kate Kripke, Kimberly, and formerly, Alexis Lesa

Top countries visiting Postpartum Progress (because women can suffer PPD no matter where they live):

US
Canada
UK
Australia
Phillipines
India
New Zealand
Ireland
Germany
South Africa

Hello friends from around the world! We're so glad to meet you!

Most Popular Post Of all Time: The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety in Plain Mama English

Outside of the usual media (Facebook, Twitter, subscribers, etc.), we've gotten the most traffic from the following friends:

Thank you so much for your support, ladies!!!!

So many of you have written guest posts that I couldn't even name you all, sadly. But we are definitely grateful to you, and all of the participants in the Mother's Day for Moms' Mental Health (they're all listed, with links to their posts, at the link)!

July 13, 2011 11:00 am Filed Under: Postpartum Depression

Celebrating 7 Years Fighting Postpartum Depression (+ Giveaways!!)

By Katherine Stone July 12, 2011

It took Google seven years to create Google+, which launched last week to resounding success.

Nike, a cat from Aurora, Colorado, who has been missing for seven years after falling from his family’s balcony, was recently found.

Ronald Cabler’s Lexus, which has been at a body shop in Jacksonville, Florida, for the last seven years, will finally be ready in a few weeks.

David & Victoria Beckham had a baby girl this past weekend, and they named her Harper Seven.

Coincidence? I think not.

All this good news is a very auspicious sign, given that it was seven years ago, on July 13th, that Postpartum Progress was born. This is what we looked like then:

We’ve come a LONG WAY, baby, and I’m happy to share this anniversary with you.

Soooo … in honor of our seven-year anniversary, I will be giving away seven prizes in a random drawing. These will include a copy of the book This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman, a copy of the book Postpartum Depression Demystified by Joyce Venis, a copy of the book Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields and more … winners will be announced on Monday.

To participate, leave a comment below answering the following:

If you are a current or former suffering, how has Postpartum Progress helped you, if at all? Has it impacted any of the following — stigma, shame, willingness to get professional help, knowing where to get help, and/or general awareness and education about these illnesses?

If you are a provider, how has it impacted or supported your ability to help patients? How have you used the site to augment your practice or your work, if at all?

If you are an advocate, how have you used Postpartum Progress in your advocacy work helping other women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders?

HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY, Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

July 12, 2011 9:47 am Filed Under: Postpartum Depression