During the Warrior Mom Conference last week in Boston, we did an exercise where the brilliant Kate Kripke, LCSW, asked us to draw a target. In the bullseye, we were to write the people that we could call that would be there in an instant, whether by phone, physical presence, or text. In the next circle, we were supposed to write the people that would help out as well, maybe not immediately, but would be there to make us a meal, to invite us out, to babysit, or lend an ear. The outer circle included people that were around, maybe not as close or present, but still important.
Anyone in your life that doesn’t fall into one of those categories? Their opinions don’t matter. Your life is yours to live and the people who are allowed in your circle are there for a reason. Think of it as reading the comments on a news story or blog post: Don’t let the harsh words of people who don’t deserve a place in your life bring you down. If you need to let someone toxic or unsupportive go, then do it.
During this exercise, the room filled with tears. Some people were sad because their circles seemed small, and they were surrounded by other women who felt isolated by motherhood. Those women met each others’ eyes across the room and smiled because they had found their people. Others cried because they realized the enormity of their village and how well they were taken care of and loved, and what an absolute honor and privilege that was.
So, back to the people in your three circles. Treasure them. Love them. THANK them. Give them hugs, make them dinners, hold their crying babies when their turn comes and they just need a few minutes to shower.
A hard lesson I learned that weekend was that I mattered. I have worth, even if I don’t believe or see it. The people who continue to show up in my life show up because I am worth it. That’s a really hard thing to accept for people like me, but slowly, I hope to do so.
Find the people who matter to you, whether it’s two, or two hundred. Make sure they make you happy, keep you fulfilled, and lead you to your best self, no matter how far along you are in your recovery. It really does take a village, and you are worthy of living in it.
Kate Kripke is the founder of the Postpartum Wellness Center of Boulder, has contributed many articles to Postpartum Progress, and was one of the empowering speakers at the 2015 Warrior Mom Conference.
