Me, Queen Elizabeth & Catherine Zeta-Jones. Seriously.

By April 23, 2012 35 Comments

fierce listEvery now and then I get some really awesome news, and today would be one of those days.

I’m on More magazine’s annual Fierce List this year. As described by More, the Fierce List is a, “pride of lionesses … who’ve most impressed us with their brave stands, bold plans, daring artistry and kick-ass commitment.” Dude.

This year’s list of 54 women includes Queen Elizabeth, makeup-artist Bobbi Brown, singer Adele, Gloria Steinem, Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel, women’s basketball coach Pat Summit, author Joan Didion, actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, and … (gulp) … me.

I plead guilty to tooting my own horn on this one, but how likely is something like this going to happen again in my life?!?!! Probably never, I tell you! I’m in a magazine, y’all!  (imagine me dancing foolishly around my office in my sweats and unwashed face, because that’s exactly what I’m doing)

Go pick up a copy of More magazine’s May 2012 issue, on newsstands now and featuring Chelsea Handler on the cover, if you’re looking for inspiration. There are a lot of great stories in the Fierce List this year, featuring both famous and not-so-famous women. And thanks to all of you, because without you there’d be no way in hell I’d be on this list.

April 23, 2012 12:09 pm Filed Under: Postpartum Depression

How To Get Your Story, Event or News Published on Postpartum Progress

By April 17, 2012 2 Comments

I hope you don’t mind a little housekeeping chat, but this is really important. Especially for those of you who run PPD support organizations, or who are volunteers or professionals with news to share, or are moms who want to share their stories, or are researchers. Which means pretty much all of you.

I have a dream that one day we’ll be able to raise enough money to be more than one person, but for now it’s just me. Me, and some freaking amazing contributors and guest posters for whom I am ridiculously grateful — especially Kate Kripke, Kimberly Morand and Robin Farr — because without them I have no idea where we’d be. Still, we all work on a volunteer basis to keep this amazing resource called Postpartum Progress going.

If you have a piece of news, or an event or a PPD story, you want it on Postpartum Progress. That’s awesome given how many years it took me to convince all of you that you should share your news with us.  I’m so very glad and honored that you want Postpartum Progress to cover it. I couldn’t be more thrilled about that.

At the same time, I notice you get frustrated with me if you don’t hear back, or if I don’t cover your story. Sooo … I want to share some basic guidelines about Postpartum Progress so you can get a better idea of what I respond and don’t respond to, how long it takes, how to get your events listed, etc. I’m hoping you’ll find this guide helpful. [Read more...]

April 17, 2012 4:22 pm Filed Under: Postpartum Progress News

Warrior Moms of the Week – 9/2/11Edition

By September 2, 2011

fighting postpartum depressionHere are the Warrior Moms of the Week, as nominated by the readers of Postpartum Progress …

An absolutely beautiful story in pictures from Kimberly at All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something about why fighting against postpartum depression is worth it.  Wow.

From my friend Janice at 5 Minutes for Mom, on mental illness and how showing weakness is true strength. Love you, Janice.

Susan from Learned Happiness on putting postpartum depression in its place.

From another friend, Casey at Moosh in Indy (who, by the way, wears the same perfume and flip flops and uses the same shampoo and toothpaste as I do), on being stronger than anything broken inside of you.

From Healing Mutti, a rainy day letter to help you get through the bad days of postpartum depression.  Such a lovely idea.

From Minnesota Joy, guest posting at Motherhood Unadorned, on why she’s not a bad mom even though she had postpartum depression.

From Story Girl, on why, when it comes to being a mom, her love alone is enough.

Oh, and please go send this mama some love.  She had “one of those days”.

September 2, 2011 10:54 am Filed Under: Postpartum Depression, Warrior Moms

Postpartum Progress Wins 2011 Mental Health Media Award from MHA

By June 6, 2011

I’m traveling to Washington DC on Friday to go to the Mental Health America annual conference. I’m very excited to be able to share the reason for my trip: Postpartum Progress won a 2011 Media Award.

On Saturday at the awards banquet, MHA will present the 16 winners of the 2011 Media Awards, given for “outstanding coverage and portrayals of mental health issues during the previous year”. Below is a list of all of the winners. I’m so honored that Postpartum Progress is among these fellow honorees I can hardly stand it! (CNN?! Sports Illustrated? Self! Seriously?!) I’m also extremely proud that postpartum depression is represented among the awards, as I hope it helps us continue to spread awareness.

Mental Health America (formerly called the National Mental Health Association) is the nation’s largest and oldest organization helping Americans achieve wellness by living mentally healthy lives. With more than 300 affiliates across the country, they touch the lives of millions.

2011 MHA Media Awards

Student Journalism:Jonathan Michels,“Dix patients fear losing safety net”,reesenews.org

Coverage of a Mental Health Issue:Pablo S. Torre,“A Light in the Darkness”,Sports Illustrated

National Magazines:Rachel Aviv,“Which Way Madness Lies: Can psychosis be prevented?”,Harper’s Magazine

Blogs:Katherine Stone,“The Six Stages of Postpartum Depression”,PostpartumProgress.com

National Radio:Amy Bracken,“Haiti’s Traumatized Earthquake Survivors”,PRI’s The World

National Television:Paul Allen,”This Emotional Life”,Vulcan Productions

Local Radio:Gabriel Spitzer,“As State Cuts Aid, a Scramble to Get Benefits for Homeless”,WBEZ (Chicago, IL)

First Person Account of a Mental Health Issue:Lauren Slater, Writer; Paula Derrow, Articles Director;“Would You Rather Be Fat and Happy or Thin and Sad”,SELF Magazine

Coverage of Mental Health Research:Roxanne Khamsi,“Timing is everything”,Nature Medicine

Documentary:Delaney Ruston, MD,”Unlisted: A Story of Schizophrenia”,MyDoc Productions

Local/Regional Magazines:Joel Warner,“Martial Law”,Westword

Local/Regional Websites:Aaron Glantz,Coverage of Veterans Mental Health Issues,The Bay Citizen

Portrayal of Persons with a Mental Health Condition:Bob Drury,“Invisible Soldiers”,Women’s Health

National Websites:Elizabeth Cohen, Senior Medical Correspondent; Sabriya Rice, CNN Medical Producer,“How to save a friend from the brink”,CNNhealth.com-The Empowered Patient

Newspapers with a Circulation Above 100,000:Meg Kissinger and Steve Schultze,“Patients in Peril”,Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee, WI)

Newspapers with a Circulation Below 100,000:Mary Ann Ford and Edith Brady-Lunny,“Recovery Court” series,The Pantagraph (Bloomington, IL)

June 6, 2011 11:41 am Filed Under: Postpartum Progress News, PPD in the Media

On Blogging, Popularity Contests & Why I QUIT!

By May 26, 2011

Last night I received an email telling me I'm up for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Mental Wellness Blogs. You'd think that would make me happy, but it didn't really. In fact, I immediately felt sad once I understood what was involved.

I've been blogging for seven years now (Postpartum Progress' 7th anniversary is in July – wahoo!), and to be honest I'm completely over contests in which you get named the best in some area of social media because you were able to get the most people to vote for you. Websites create contests like these for one reason: to drive traffic. They tell you that you're up for some award, and that the way to win is to send everyone you know to their site — not yours — to vote for you. What's more, they want you to send people to their site to vote EVERY DAY. Not just once, but over and over and over. I guess this must increase their traffic enough that they become more attractive to advertisers.

I'm announcing publicly that I'm not going to do that. Just not going to. It's silly. No. More. I quit.

What good does it do for me to drive friends and family and people I hardly know up the wall so that some other website can get a lot of traffic? What are we doing?! Everyone I know who has to beg for votes is uncomfortable the entire time they are doing it. So why do we do it?

While I think the other Top Mental Wellness nominees are very deserving and I support them being recognized 100%, I really wish that organizations would just recognize them for their work PERIOD, without requiring them or me to hustle ourselves for votes. Why not just point out what great work people are doing and leave it at that? And I'm not calling out Circle of Moms for doing this, because they are just doing what EVERYONE else is doing.

While I'm at it, I also refuse to drive everyone crazy trying to get more "clout" at places like Klout. While I appreciate the fact that Klout recognizes I have some influence with my particular audience, I have ZERO plans to spend every day all day tweeting just so that I can increase my clout. That doesn't help me help women with PPD, which is my mission. To get more social media clout, I'd need to tweet nonstop, get as many people as possible to follow me on Twitter regardless of whether they care about postpartum depression or what I write about, get them to talk to me as much as possible, etc. That's not what Twitter is about to me. It's about being able to have authentic conversations and engage with people in a very easy way, and I love it. I want it to stay that way.

Sorry, but I'm not going to stay up all night blogging. I'm not going to take my phone to bed with me so that I can continue tweeting into the night. In fact, my smartphone has never entered my bedroom. Ever. That's where I sleep, not where I try to conquer the world by staying up past what is a healthy bedtime for me so that I can ratchet up higher numbers. Honestly, I cannot let myself be tricked into thinking that if I give up rest, or down time, or time when I'm not social media-ing myself to death I'll somehow become rich and famous. I just want to talk to you, the person reading this right now. I like you and want to know you and am so glad you are here. That's what matters to me.

I love blogging. I love bloggers. I love social media people. I love the internet. I love what we are able to do, that our words can stretch across thousands of miles to make someone else feel understood and supported. I love that we are able to use our voices, and that no one can take that away from us. That's amazing.

I also love when the work I do is recognized based on merit. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. It would be no fun to sit at your computer hour after hour, day after day, and never hear from a single soul that what you are doing is having some impact with at least somebody. I was so proud to become a WebMD Health Hero in 2008, and to be recognized as among the top ten depression sites by Psych Central, and to win the Bloganthropy Award last year, because those things were based on merit. It meant a group of people who knew my work, and knew intimately the arena in which I do that work, felt it was good enough to be recognized in some way. This makes me proud, often gives me an opportunity to talk to new people about the cause of women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and makes me eager to strive towards becoming way way way better at what I do.

I rarely feel good when the work I do is recognized based on the number of votes I am able to gin up. I don't want to have to beg you to "Pick me! Pick me! Have you voted for me yet? Huh?! Have you?!" I don't want to have to outmaneuver fellow women bloggers I respect and care about.

So, I say thank you, truly, to Circle of Moms for recognizing that I am a decent Mental Wellness blogger. I say to my fellow 24 nominees that you are all wonderful, and different, and special in your own right and it doesn't matter whether you are #1 or #25 or #50 because you are helping people and being courageous. I honor you for it and I wish others would honor you for the work alone, and not for which of you has the best get out the vote campaign. You deserve better than that. And finally, I say this: don't vote for me.

You will no longer see me asking for votes for these various contests. I can't do it anymore. It tires me. It's soul sucking. I'm not going to do it. If someone recognizes what we do here for the impact it has on mothers and families, or for innovative ideas, or for the writing, or for positively affecting mental health or reducing stigma, I will share it with you FOR SURE, but as for the rest of it … I quit.

May 26, 2011 12:13 pm Filed Under: Causes

What You Need To Know About Advertising on Postpartum Progress

By May 17, 2011

Just a heads up, friends, to let you know I have signed with an advertising network called Federated Media. This means you will start seeing ads on Postpartum Progress. Fact is, we've got to raise money in as many unique (and EFFECTIVE) ways as possible to support the nonprofit and make a big impact on the services and programs available to women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. I am pleased that the Clever Girls Collective and Federated Media partnership of which I am now part has the potential to help us a little bit in that goal.

I hope that you'll click on ads that interest you — seriously — and I have one major reason for this: Until now, corporations have not supported women with postpartum depression. Look around. Have you seen any major sponsorships from big companies to help raise awareness and fight these illnesses like you see for, say, breast cancer? I'll answer for you: No. I have been telling people that moms with PPD are still normal women. They are parents. They buy things for their household and for their children. And when they get better, they are FIERCELY LOYAL to those organizations that supported them during the trial of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. So we need to show them that this is true and thus generate even more corporate support of our cause in the future.

Any and all proceeds of the advertising will go directly to the non-profit, not to me, so all I can say is … get clicking!

P.S. The Federate Media ads will go "above the fold" but I can also do ads outside of the network below the fold, so if you are interested in advertising on Postpartum Progress or sponsoring a particular section of the site, let me know.

May 17, 2011 9:15 am Filed Under: Causes

Janice Croze: On Surviving Despite the Madness

By May 8, 2011

postpartum depression mother's day rallyDear Mom,

If there is one thing every new mom needs to know it is, “You will survive.”

The baby will eventually sleep. She will learn how to feed – whether it is from your breast or a bottle. You will get used to her cries and one day they will no longer flood you with helpless terror. She will be happy and laugh – and you will too.

For some mothers, it may all fall in to place quite easily. The new routines, the sleeplessness, the worries – they may be able to take them in stride.

But for many of us, it is hard, staggeringly hard.

The time between feeds is so short – how can we shower, eat and sleep in one hour?!? The nights are so lonely, with exhaustion stirring fears. The depression is so relentless, crushing us as we try to crawl out of bed each morning.

It isn’t our fault. The chemicals in our brains just aren’t working as they need to be. The hormones washing through our bodies left us unbalanced and broken.

We are not bad mothers; we are not weak people. We need medical help just as if we had lost too much blood during birth or as if cancer cells had started multiplying in our organs.

There should be no shame. NO shame.

But as it all swirls around you and you wonder if you really will lose your mind, let me tell you, “You will survive.”

It might not be pretty. The laundry might pile up. The dishes may not get done. You might survive oncereal and hotdogs.

But it is ok. And you will be ok. And, yes, your baby will be ok.

My depression and anxiety didn’t end with onesies and dirty diapers. No, it is ten years since it began during my first pregnancy and I still struggle.

Some days, like today, I have to go back to bed and sleep to find enough strength to stand up under the weight of it.

But it is so much better than those early, black hole days when I sincerely felt my mind slipping out of my control, when the panic and depression was unbearable and I couldn’t bear to be left alone with my baby.

I got medical help. And I got physical help. My husband did a night feed. I hired babysitters when I had no one else. I called my sister just to say, “I am so depressed — I can’t bear it.”

Do what you have to do to make it through the days and nights. If you don’t have family and friends to help, try to hire help. If one day you will hire a babysitter so you can go on a date night, do it now! Get help and sleep.

And, repeat it every ten seconds if you have to. Believe it because we have lived it. You will survive. You WILL survive.

Janice Croze and her identical twin, Susan Carraretto, are the bloggers behind 5 MInutes for Mom. Both Janice and Susan struggle with depression and anxiety, but they prove that life can be lived successfully and fabulously even whilebattling mental illness.You can talk with the twins on Twitter at @5minutesformom and on their Facebook page.


Donations to Postpartum Progress can be made here: http://postpartumprogress.org/donate-postpartum-depression-2/

May 8, 2011 10:00 pm Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Warrior Moms

Morgan Shanahan: On Rising Out of Postpartum Depression

By May 8, 2011

postpartum depression mother's day rallyDear New Mom:

Hi.

I know we don’t know each other, but in a way, we do. At some point in our lives, motherhood was something we looked forward to with innocent anticipation – excited to see what this next chapter would hold — looking forward to experiencing creating life from love alone.

And then we got pregnant. For some people, hopefully for you, this was a time filled with excitement and joy. For me, it was a time when the rug of reality was pulled out from under me and everything I thought I knew about myself was challenged.

In May of 2009, at 22 weeks pregnant, I was so deeply and thoroughly imprisoned by antenatal depression that I told my obstetrician that I no longer wanted to have my baby. I didn’t deserve her. I was obviously unfit and already failing her. This baby that my husband and I had planned for and dreamt about and this baby whose heartbeat we heard on ten years to the day after the first time he kissed me. Our baby. I couldn’t go through with this.

My brain started to tell me lies as early as 22 weeks. But an unfit therapist labeled me a major depressive and told me there wasn’t anything to be done until I gave birth. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, and tried to pretend like everything was going to be okay. And I did a decent job. I designed the nursery. I tried to convince myself that meltdowns over lime versus ochre were normal and that I was NESTING. I was about to have my first baby with the love of my life — everyone around me couldn’t stop telling me how glowing and happy I was, so it must be true. Right? And then, on October 8th, 2009, Delilah George was born. The first thing I remember learning about her is that she has a dimple. Just one. Like me, on the left side. And she was beautiful. Not squished like I expected. I did a lot of staring at her in the early days. I kept waiting for the rush of emotion and tears. It didn’t come. In fact, I was feeling so “stable” we left the hospital a day early. And when my doula called to check in and told me “don’t worry, a lot of people spend the first few days thinking what have I done?” I thought, “How sad. I don’t feel like that at all.”

The problem was, I didn’t feel anything at all. I didn’t want to hurt my baby, so certainly there was nothing wrong with me. I just wasn’t one of those women who was going to look at her newborn and weep.

* * *

I could tell you the story of the five months it took me to finally be diagnosed with postpartum depression (actually antenatal and postpartum depression). I could tell you about my decision to breastfeed until Delilah was a year old and how that affected my ability to get proper psychiatric treatment, and how I don’t regret it a bit. I could tell you about the day I finally realized I was starting to feel better, but instead, there is one thought that I want to leave you on this Mother’s Day.

I’m falling madly, madly head over heels in love with my child. Everyday. I feel it now. That heart swelling “HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY EVEN EXIST” that I dreamt about as we charted and planned for this baby to be born. I get up on Sunday morning and make pancakes. I taught her how to count to ten. In the mornings, when I get her out of her room, I creak open the door while humming the tune from Jaws and she laughs hysterically.

Me and my girl, we’ve had a hell of a year. We had to fight for the bond we have, but I wouldn’t give back the lessons I learned about life and love and parenthood during the year it took me to come to terms with and conquer my peri-and postpartum depression and anxiety.

And when my OB put her hand on my knee at our yearly visit last week as I filled her in on having finally weaned off my Zoloft, leaving only two drugs in my brain chemistry cocktail, she grinned at me and she said “one day you’ll wean off those, too.” And as Delilah pulled all of the cord blood pamphlets out of the stand in the exam room while singing E-I-E-I-O at the top of her tiny lungs without sending me into a sweaty panic, I realized I undoubtedly believed her.

Life is good. These days, I’m floating along, happily enjoying my family — working hard to heal the scars the past year has left on the lot of us. But life is GOOD. This too shall pass. And next Mother’s Day, all of this will be, well … but a dream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily …

Morgan Shanahan blogs at The 818, is a Momversation Fresh Voices of 2010 winner,and is the entertainment section editor for BlogHer, the world’s largest community of women bloggers. She is a survivor of postpartum depression.  Follow her on Twitter at @the818.


Donations to Postpartum Progress can be made here: http://postpartumprogress.org/donate-postpartum-depression-2/

May 8, 2011 9:00 pm Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Warrior Moms

Katherine Stone: On Postpartum OCD & Finding The Elusive “Mother Love”

By May 8, 2011

Dear New Moms:

What is mother love? What is it supposed to feel like when you have one of those unbreakable bonds, when you love your mama so much that you'd call her name as a mortally-wounded soldier on the battlefield, or phone her once a week when you're a grownup just to make sure she's okay, or write in a ninth grade essay that she's the most important person in your life? How does that work? How does that feel?

I've got nothing.

When I was little, my mom was ill. It wasn't her fault. She's a good person. She just had postpartum depression and didn't know it was the cause of her misery. She wasn't treated, because who even knew what PPD was then?The only way she could figure out to get through her life at the time was to self-medicate. I'm not sure what she remembers or how she perceives my childhood, since we've never really talked about it, but I know it was a topsy turvy place. One hopes that one's mother will be a rock: dependable, stable, supportive, even, calm. A seriously self-medicated mom is none of those, at least not for any length of time. One never knew whether nice mommy or scary mommy was around the bend.

Eventually things got pretty bad and my parents divorced when I was in third grade. Less than two years later, my father remarried. A very wonderful woman, she is, who took it upon herself to raise another woman's two children, having none of her own at the time when she became my father's wife.

She wasn't perfect. NO ONE IS. But she was a great mom. She tried hard. She made things for us. She created special rituals, like pink pancakes on Valentine's Day and handmade bunnies at Easter. She taught my brother and I to play Yahtzee. She talked to me about sex, and periods and women's bodies with such ease and openness that I remember it to this day. She did her best. Still, it was hard for me to feel whatever children feel when they are closecloseclose to their mamas. I was too far gone. I didn't know it, but I had already shut down long ago to protect myself from feeling much of anything.

I went on to have a very nice life. I grew up, my dad and "new" mom had two more children, my lovely sisters, and I went to college, met a man, fell in love and got married. Eight years later it became time for me to have a baby myself, and once again …

I've got nothing.

"I can't do this." "How will my baby ever love me?" "I'm not sure I know what mother love is." I realized I have a hollow space inside where mother love is supposed to be. I have a hard time with intimacy, and there is not much that is as intimate (in the non-sexual sense of the word, of course!) than the relationship of mother and child. I had no sense of what to do or how to behave, and was completely convinced I'd be an abject failure. These feelings were a shock to me, as I was so excited and happy to become a mom during my pregnancy.

The feelings weren't concrete to me either, at least not in a way that I could have explained it to you then. I didn't recognize the origins of my postpartum OCD at the time. It took years of therapy for me to realize what was going on deep down in places inside me I'd prefer not to visit, and how that affected my perception of my ability to mother.

I don't like going back to ugly town.

The only thing that was obvious to me after my son was born was that I was crazy. I was a sobbing, scared, sleepless and seriously defective mother who had no business raising a beautiful child. I was potentially harmful, with thoughts running through my head that should never see the light of day. Or …

Or.

Or I was just sick. I came by my illness honestly, a combination of childhood trauma, family history of mental illness, anxious and perfectionistic personality, and whatever else mixed in the pot to bring about one of the worst experiences of my life. No one warned me that I had several risk factors for postpartum depression and anxiety, which sucks out loud and which I've come to believe is fairly inexcusable in this day and age. But once I sussed out the fact that it wasn't me that was crappy but was instead the illness, I could move forward toward a solution.

You can, too. However it is you came to have postpartum depression or anxiety or OCD or psychosis or PTSD or antenatal depression or anxiety or post-adoption depression, you came by it honestly as well. It's not your fault. You didn't cause it, and it's highly likely no one ever talked to you about whether you had the risk factors for it. I'm hoping we can change that so that mothers in the future will have greater awareness and a plan in place to get effective help as soon as possible.

I'm better, friends. I got treated and I recovered fully. Like 100000% fully. And I found the motherlode of mother love, maybe not in the traditional way or the easy way, but I found it and I have it now — in the form of my precious children, Jackson and Madden — and I refuse to ever let it go.

Never not ever.

I madly love mother love.

Katherine Stone is the founder and editor of Postpartum Progress the blog, and the founder and chief Warrior Mom of Postpartum Progress the non-profit. She also writes a weekly column on motherhood at ParentDish called If Mama Ain't Happy. Follow her on Twitter at @postpartumprogr.

Note: Thanks to both my moms for doing their best and helping to make me a pretty decent person after all. ;-)


Donations to Postpartum Progress can be made here: http://postpartumprogress.org/donate-postpartum-depression-2/

May 8, 2011 8:00 pm Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Postpartum OCD, Warrior Moms

Kristen Howerton: On What She Wishes Someone Told Her About Postpartum Anxiety

By May 8, 2011

postpartum depression mother's day rallyDear New Mom:

First of all, I just want to tell you that it is normal to be anxious as a mom. It is the biggest life change any of us will ever face — followed by a massive change in hormones and fueled by exhaustion and lack of sleep. I think every mom feels a bit panicky as they learn how to navigate life in a new role.

For some of us, though, the anxiety becomes crippling. It creeps into every interaction. It makes us fear being around people. It makes us fear being alone. It makes us afraid for our baby. It makes us want to hide. It gives us persistent and intruding thoughts that we aren’t okay, that our baby is not okay, and that we aren’t going to make it.

I have always been an anxious person, but the experience of infertility and miscarriages really colored my experience of pregnancy. I was scared to death, and that feeling didn’t go away as soon as I gave birth to a healthy child. Fear, worry and panic had become habitual for me. The concerns I had about carrying a baby to term just spilled over into fears that my baby was dying, and that I was not a good mom.

If you are experiencing anxiety that has gripped your heart like a vice, I hope you will talk to someone about it. I spent so many months trying to white-knuckle myself through anxiety attacks because I was embarrassed by my fears. I wish I could have extended myself more grace in that time, instead of desperately trying to prove that I was okay, to myself and to everyone around me.

These are some of the things I wish someone has told me about postpartum anxiety:

Fake it. Let yourself off the hook for not feeling whatever idealistic feelings you think you should posses about motherhood or your baby. Give yourself grace that those feelings will come, even if it takes months. Or years. Stop judging yourself for how you think you should be feeling, and ACT in the ways you think you should ACT. Ask yourself, “what behaviors would a loving mom do today?” And then behave like a loving mom. Even if you don’t feel like one. Because it’s okay if you don’t feel it.

Consider medication. Postpartum anxiety is a neuro-chemical issue. Think about what you would do if you discovered you were diabetic, or needed medication to regulate your thyroid. Why do we treat our brains any differently? There is nothing valiant about not seeking medical help if you really need it.

Don’t martyr your mental health over breastfeeding. Of course we all think the breast is best. But those breastfeeding sessions are not worth you being distraught and not present for the rest of the day. I have had the experience of breastfeeding through PPD, and bottle-feeding an adopted child, and I can attest that the bottle-feeding while sane was a much more bonding experience for both mother and child. I wish that I had given myself the grace to stop nursing when I needed help.

Say your fears, out loud, to another person, as often as you can. Anxiety is built on irrational fears. Sometimes, just getting them out there can help cast light on the irrationality. Anxiety breeds in the dark. Talk to your spouse, a friend or a therapist. Even better, talk to all three.

Keep a cognitive thought journal. Write down your fears, and then look for evidence that those fears are unfounded.

Do one thing a day. Or less, if you want. Keep good boundaries around your schedule. Say no when you need to. Keep your to-do list to a minimum. Overwhelm is anxiety’s bedfellow.

Ask for help.

Stay off Google. If you find yourself panicking about your baby’s health, you can find all manner of deadly diseases that account for even the most minor symptoms. WebMD is not your friend when you are anxious.

Wallow in natural oxytocin. Put sex on the to-do list. Lay in bed and cuddle your baby. Have regular nights with your girlfriends. Eat chocolate. Figure out the things that give you a “hit” and make them a priority.

Be easy on yourself. Lower your expectations. Take things one day at a time. Wake up. Care for your baby. Care for yourself. Do only the work that needs to be done. Everything else can wait.

Kristen Howerton is the mom of four children in four years via birth and adoption. She is a psychotherapist-turned-blogger, chronicling life at Rage Against the Minivan and editing the blogging newsmagazine She Posts. Follow her on Twitter at @kristenhowerton.


Donations to Postpartum Progress can be made here: http://postpartumprogress.org/donate-postpartum-depression-2/

May 8, 2011 7:00 pm Filed Under: Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health, Postpartum Anxiety, Warrior Moms
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