While I can’t make a blanket statement about each and every woman who calls me, more times than not these women—one, two, or three years past the birth of their little ones—are struggling with a form of maternal distress that dates back, in one way or another, to their pregnancy, postpartum, or even before. While these moms wouldn’t technically have postpartum depression any longer, they are often struggling with what I will call here continued postpartum distress that was never adequately supported when they first noticed symptoms.
When we use the terms prenatal/antenatal and postpartum depression, we are really simply talking about an episode of depression or anxiety that occurs sometime during pregnancy or the first year postpartum. We believe that early symptoms, whether mild or severe, are caused by hormonal shifts during pregnancy or following delivery, physiological stressors like sleep deprivation and nutrient depletion, psychological strain including thought patterns that are likely to cause distress (such as “should” statements, perfectionist thinking, black or white thinking, and catastrophic thoughts), and/or other environmental stressors such as trauma, relationship conflict, or changes in finances, employment, or residence.
A postpartum episode of depression or anxiety can be triggered by one or more of the above. While they aren’t aware of this when they first call, most of these moms can trace their initial symptoms back to the earliest moments of motherhood. On the phone before they come in for a full assessment session, these moms will say things like, “But I was fine after I had my baby, and I didn’t start feeling bad until later.”
However any one or more of the following are usually what we discover when we are together in my office.
- This mom has a long personal or family history of diagnosed or undiagnosed depression, anxiety, or mental illness. [Read Also: Postpartum Depression Risk Factors]
- The pregnancy wasn’t planned and this mom wasn’t certain that she wanted to be pregnant, although she never disclosed this with anyone.
- This mom had a difficult delivery that was never fully processed after her birth. [Read Also: Stories of Birth Trauma and PTSD]
- This mom had significant breastfeeding challenges that she struggled with silently. [Read Also: Postpartum Depression and Breastfeeding Challenges]
- This mom describes her early postpartum months as “foggy” and that she actually doesn’t remember enjoying them.
- This mom had always hoped for a boy/girl, but gave birth to the other. While she loves her kiddo fiercely, she has never quite managed the loss she feels around not giving birth to the gender that she had dreamed of. Or perhaps this mom has always worried about her attachment to her child.
- This mom experienced a move, death of a loved one, financial loss, or relationship conflict around the time of her birth and these environmental stressors were pushed aside because she felt she “should” be happy once her baby was born.
- This mom had an early childhood trauma or serious family of origin conflict and she notes that emotions around these issues resurfaced shortly after birth. [Read Also: Early Childhood Trauma and Postpartum Depression]
- This mom felt un-supported in the months following her birth and felt that she “had to do it all on her own.”
- This mom’s baby did not sleep through the night until many months or years after he/she was born.
- This mom has not wanted anyone other than herself or her partner to care for her baby, and so she has not taken more than a very short period of time away from her babe since he/she was born.
- This mom became pregnant after months or years of fertility treatments; she used donor eggs to become pregnant; she had her baby through a surrogate; or she adopted her baby, and once becoming a mom she pushed all of her emotions around her efforts to become a mama aside. [Read Also: Postpartum Depression After Infertility]
- This mom is tired. Unrelentingly, frustratingly, understandably, deeply tired.
While the beginning of motherhood can feel exciting (perhaps sometimes even euphoric) for many women, symptoms of depression and anxiety can develop or increase over such a subtle period of time that moms do not necessarily acknowledge that they are depressed or anxious until well into or past that first postpartum year. Often, stress can be cumulative. Months of inadequate sleep, poor nutrition, relationship conflict, and hidden emotional strain can take their toll on a brain.
Think of a minor running injury. While on a jog you trip and feel a slight pinch in your knee. You keep running and barely notice it. But each time you get back out to go for a jog, your knee becomes more and more strained (yet not painful enough to keep you off your feet). Suddenly one day while running months later your knee gives out. It has had enough. Your brain can do the same.
Why is all of this important? Too often, women assume that they have found themselves in a life that is just characterized by suffering, and they assume that since they don’t have postpartum depression, it is silly or unnecessary to reach out for support. And so they keep on trekking while each day feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and farther from the woman who they know themselves to be.
We talk so much about postpartum mood and anxiety disorders and not enough about maternal distress, and I fear that many women tell themselves that they have missed the window of diagnosis or validity for their struggle.
While being a mother is wonderful, it is also complicated. Let’s make room for both no matter how far into the journey of motherhood you are.
~ Kate Kripke, LCSW
Kate, I love the analogy of the minor running injury. This is so relatable. Thank you for this post.
Wonderfully written. I was one of those mothers after the birth of my first child. I went undiagnosed for more than 18 months. When I finally saw a counselor, she pointed out that all of my symptoms began in the first month after my son was born and continued until that point. It never occurred to me that it might be PPD. Thank you for writing this. My hope is that others may read it and seek treatment sooner.
There are so many other mothers like you out there, Sara.. thanks for your feedback.
And was your treatment solely counselling? If you don’t mind me asking.
I cant imagine going through my severe ppa and ppd for that long…..its such an awful feeling….a day feels like pure hell. I am 6 months post pardum and feeling much better now……hoping to never feel that way again. Lots of support to all moms suffering…it gets better eventually…..a great support system helps even more so.
Glad to hear you’re doing well Lisa!
And you are a part of that support system for moms like you, Lisa!! I am also glad that you are doing well…
Love this post, Kate. Yes, “Too often, women assume that they have found themselves in a life that is just characterized by suffering, and they assume that since they don’t have postpartum depression it is silly or unnecessary to reach out for support. ” I’ll be putting this on the Mothers Matter FB page right away.
I think that people fixate too much on labelling specific types of depression. It really doesn’t matter if a woman’s depression meets all the clinical criteria for “postpartum depression” – if a woman is depressed, then she is depressed and needs/deserves treatment.
It may make women feel better to label depression as a way of finding a “reason” for it, but it’s often more complicated than that. I did experience a severe depression after my first child was born. However, I have always been prone to anxiety and depression, and mental illness runs in my family. At first I thought, “I just have PPD, I can get over that once my hormones go back to normal and I adjust to life with children.” But I’ve come to realize that I actually have a more chronic kind of treatment-resistant depression and that putting a PPD label on it has not helped at all.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Callie. Yes, so many women do enter motherhood with a preexisting depression or anxiety that goes beyond the “PPD” diagnosis. At the same time, I do think that the PPD diagnosis gives clinicians and moms something to work with. Often PPD is treated differently than general anxiety or depression simply because this treatment can’t overlook the very intricate pieces of motherhood that can contribute to distress; be this hormones, one’s own family of origin issues that resurface when she thinks of herself as a mother, the challenges and stigma of self care in motherhood, thought patterns that can interfere with mothering etc. When one is given a PPD diagnosis, this can set the stage for a treatment that is sure to look at all of the layers upon layers of biopsychosocial issues that occur in early motherhood (and that can be easily overlooked without appropriate direction).
Thank you so much for this article! I was 18 months postpartum when my thoughts became so horrible I knew I needed to get help. Now that I look back it all started right after my son was born but I did not realize it at the time. I love the analogy with the knee-so true!
Thanks for your input Nicole.. and I am so glad that you got help when you did!
Thanks for recognizing that mothers can struggle after the clinically defined one year mark. I had PPD with my second child within his first few months, making my diagnosis obvious. It wasn’t until I was recovering from that bought of depression and anxiety that I recognized I had PPD with my first child. Because it didn’t occur until she was 13 months old (right about the time I stopped breastfeeding) I assumed I was dealing with a different monster than PPD. I sought treatment differently than I would have if I had known what I was up against.
Kim- I can’t tell you how many times I have women come to my office in this exact situation. Truthfully, with a really good therapist it doesn’t always really matter whether someone is getting a “postpartum depression” diagnosis vs a general depression diagnosis- often, when the first year has passed, a woman’s depression or anxiety might be addressed in a similar manner to a more general diagnosis. However, women like you are still mothers, and it is rare that issues related to mothering- whether hormonally related or not- can not be ignored whether that baby is 1 month or 13 months….
I think you’re missing one piece, which is what happened to me. Everything was fine until my period came back. Then hormones took over and my world turned upside down. Depending on how much or long a mom is breastfeeding, this also can delay the onset of PPD.
TS – You are exactly right!
Thanks for sharing your experience, TS. This happens for many, many women like you…
Thank you! I’ve felt like such an exception to the PPD rule, as I had no issue with stress or family support…but still couldn’t control my life because my hormones had (have) control over me. It is frustrating being an exception to the norm, as it is hard to find support that specifically addresses treating the hormonal problems – especially since it is so far after the typical PPD period.
Yes, I agree completely. We changed the criteria of the women that we see to include those with a baby up to 2 years old for this very reason. I think for many the experience of having a baby is a bit like a stress fracture that can take some time until it finally breaks.
Yes, I think the running analogy is very helpful. I see this so often in my clinical practice, the cumulative stress of little time for self-care, increasing isolation, & increased “shoulds” is a recipe for distress/depression. Bottom line – Moms need more support as do those that work with an interact with them.
I’m glad that this analogy worked for you 🙂
You are welcome…
Kate this is comforting to read! I have 2 boys they are 10 months apart. Born Dec 07 and Oct 08. I had baby blues big time after my 1st son was born. High anxiety about being alone when my husband went to work a depressed empty feeling of him not being in my stomach any more (tried to get pregnant for about 5 years prior) pregnant again almost immediately what a shock! A little more troublesome pregnancy, diabetes & pre eclampsia in and out of the hospital. He was born 6 weeks early and went to nicu. He had a stomach surgery at 3 weeks old.(mind you I have a 9 month old) I have never had depression or anxiety until the birth of my 1st son. My question is I am fine normal all year until around October every year until December. I get really anxious and depressed about my babies getting bigger with an overwhelming since of wanting to leave my job and go get my kids and hold them. I love them so very much and I know growing is inevitable. I am a super proud mom, watching them learn just everything! Why do I only get anxious and depressed around their birthdays? Please help.
Tiffany- thanks for reaching out and I am glad that you found this useful. My first thought for you is that it sounds really important to reach out to a therapist in your area- while I can share some thoughts here, this certainly is no replacement for therapeutic support. You can find support in your area at: http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx
sometimes, specifics like season change, anniversaries of a traumatic birth, and holidays can bring up distress for people, and so you may want to consider whether or not this applies to you. Please know that you have an army of support here…. reaching out to community can not be underestimated as a source of relief for many people…
I found this very helpful. As lately, I have had insomnia, trouble focusing and I get angry often. My daughter will be 2 this week end.
Thank you for this article! My beautiful baby boy is one. I still feel a struggle going on inside of me that I just couldn’t figure out. Not until I read this. I can relate to 9 out of the 13 items you listed! I guess I need to reach out; out past my loving husband. 😉
Can you seek treatment without insurance?
You can reach out to local clinics and ask, Kaitlyn. There are clinics that provide low or no cost treatment. You just have to ask them.
Yes- there are many options for support if you don’t have insurance (though, in some areas these are not easy to find). Most therapists who are self-pay providers offer sliding scale spots, and so I would always encourage a conversation about this if you find someone who you connect with. Community mental health clinics also offer low fee or free services to folks who qualify. And in many larger towns or cities, you will find opportunities to work with mental health trainees who offer low fee therapy. To find help in your area, visit: http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx
I am still trying to decide if this description fits me. My daughter is 2. She just turned 2. I feel I should be happy that life is not so chaotic anymore because she is doing more on her own and her brother will soon be in grade 1. So, the work load gets less in some areas and more in other areas. When I had my daughter, my dad was hit by a driver. He was a pedestrian. he was in ICU for 2 months. We moved to be closer to him. He died two days after we moved in and three weeks before I was to give birth. My mom came from Germany. I also have a twin sister who was jealous at the time that I was pregnant with my second. The day after my daughter was born and we came home from the hospital. My sister told our mother over skype that her husband would pick her up from my house. I begged my mom to stay. My mom said that she was with me all until my daughter was born and now she has to be with my sister. My sister’s reasoning was that mom needs to spend time with her son as well to show her son she loves him just as much. I suggested we all be together and we go to my sister’s house, but my sister demanded no. She wanted moms time alone. So, I was mad that mom left and I have not really forgiven them yet. I think about when my son was born. My mom was not there, she had promised to come, but last minute could not. My husbands parents and his sister and my dad all came over and we had lunch together and dinner and they greeted us coming home from the hospital. I did not get that with my daughter. My mom and sister feel that they were right in doing what they did. My sister tells me you don’t know how tired I was. I think, it doesn’t matter, I offered to come over as well and she could have still slept. It was heartbreaking. My mom was also not at my wedding because she was working in Germany, but she was at my sisters years before. My husband and I married when I was 7 months pregnant with my first. I think I get angry when I think about how nonchalant my mom is with this relationship and pretends to be concerned that dad died just before my daughter was born, but she was not concerned the day after. She sends neat things for my kids for birthday and christmas’s and all that. I don’t really like my inlaws either. They treat me like I am not a part of their family and they walked out when I gave my eulogy to my dad. That made me angry. I have never shared this. I also don’t know when the right time is to go back to work and my husband never has time to discuss this with me, but he doesn’t complain that I should be working either.
I don’t know. I have a lot of anger, but I can never regret that I don’t spend enough time with my kids. Everything I do, I do for them.
Tanja- thank you so much for sharing your story. I know that you wrote this a while ago, but if you have not yet found support, I really urge you to do so- you have had no much happening for you and are understandably needing support of your own. Katherine has several links to providers if you need help finding someone near you. We all send you support…
Tanks I hope things have gotten better for you. I had similar problems with my daughter’s birth and my family, friends, loved ones not being involved. My “best friend” did not come to my baby shower and only met my daughter at seventeen months old! And that is a small part of it. Not one phone call to check on us from any of my family or friends for months, etc. I am very sorry for you. I really hope you are doing better.
This is me! We moved cities when my daughter was 6 months for my husbands work. While he is a wonderful hubby and father I am stuck unemployed (because I left my job in our old city) and overwhelmed with the idea of surviving off of one income, not having family around to help out, and trying to put on a happy face about our new “adventure” in a new city. I love my baby so much. We had a difficult pregnancy after a 2nd trimester loss and I feel I SHOULD be grateful and enjoy every minute but I feel quite depressed most days.
Amber- have you found support yet? Please remember that there really is no room for “should” in early motherhood, especially when you have had the stresses that you mention. Please check the listings that Katherine offers if you still need support in your area or visit:
Sometimes I have really bad thoughts about her and I realised today that I might have PPD..I love her very much but I’m really really tired,the fact that I can’t afford basic things for her doesn’t make it any easier…I’ll make an appointment with a psychologist as soon as I can..thank you for this page.
thanks you for responding, Conita- we will all hold you and your baby in our thoughts as you begin your healing journey. You are not alone…
My son will be two in a month and every once in a while I still feel anxious and/or depressed. It’s definitely not nearly as bad as it was right after he was born, but it’s definitely better. I have a health condition that adds to the stress so I’m one of those moms that fits in this article as one who has “early childhood trauma”. I’m also one who had to do it all on my own. I still don’t know how to process all of this that’s going on as motherhood alone presents a new challenge everyday. While I still struggle with continued post partum distress, I can’t imagine my life without my son. To the lady who mentioned that you cannot afford basic things for your child, I can totally relate. It gets better, though. I found programs to help me with the bare necessities until I could get back to work. Everything gets better with a little time.
I’m so relieved to have seen this page. It’s really comforting to know that what I’m feeling is real and I’m not going crazy.
I don’t want to go to the doctors as I feel silly that my son is 13 months old and yet I feel my hormones are still all over the place. Heightened when my period is due.
I’m an older mum and never thought it would happen for me .. I have a wonderful partner who has two other children from a previous relationship who are fantastic with our son.
I do feel grateful for my son but I feel I’m in a daze/exhaustion/hazy and most of the time totally stressed by my constant rush to be places dropping my son off at nursery or having childcare to my house and me having deadlines at work.
My son was born breach after 2 days of trying to be induced not knowing he was breach it was an emergency c section after a tough pregnancy. I was so emotional for a few months exhausted and don’t remember a whole deal accept feeling pressure. And overwhelmed by my love and shock of my baby.
We then lost both my partners parents when baby was 3 months and that’s been tough.
My son is now 13 months I work my full time hours in 4 days in a pressurised job and I should be ecstatic with life .
But instead I feel exhausted like a zombie and I’m mourning my old life I feel old haggard and tested by my son never sleeping. I love him so much he’s such a character but he’s not sleeping and I’m still finding it a real struggle but it’s not something you share is it.
I’m sure this will get better in time in the mean time I’m comforted by posts here to know we are not alone.
Take care everyone xx
Hi there, I found your article really interesting! I have been thinking I have a case of PPD gone bad. My daughter is 3 now (also have a 7 year old) and I should of got help a long time ago. From the second she was born I got this anxiety that was life changing. I felt like I was sick all the time I was always scared of being alone and something bad happening and just jittery all the time. I feel like not getting help with this turned into OCD where I now I obsessed over the thoughts and feelings. I just don’t know what to do anymore. But your article made me confident this is something I can get over and not suffer for life.
Hi Tamara- Its never too late to reach out for support. I’d suggest connecting with your state coordinator at the link below and he/she should be able to help you locate support near you. Talk to other moms as well (though I know this can be hard) as I am certain that you are not alone…
I found this on google while searching for answers, and it is 100% me… What do I do? My son is 13 months.
Deedra – You need to reach out to a medical professional or mental health therapist to discuss the best ways of treating depression. You will feel better, but getting help is so important.
So glad that you are reaching out here, Deedra. There are many perinatal mental health providers who are out there for you (as well as other moms who have ben where you are and can help support you). You can check at the following link for support near you. I would suggest reaching out to your state coordinator and he/she can help you find the best resources in your specific area:
Reading this just now (16mths post partum) I have decided its time to call my GP. It’s me too 🙁
Hope you are doing better now as hope I will be.
Thanks for this post!!! I had PPD right after child birth due to me being sexual assaulted as a child. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever went threw ;( I was scared that what happen to me would haven to her. So my doctor put me on Lexpro & it helped me relax more. 2 years later I was PPD free so I thought. My daughter is now 3 yrs old & I’m feeling the same way as I did back then. My life is pretty stressful right now with my battling Cancer and my daughter about to start school. I feel like without the love from my Hubby I would lose my mind. What I would like to no is this normally for PPD to return?
Joan – I’m so sorry about what happened to you. It’s definitely possible that you could be experiencing depression and anxiety even though your daughter is 3 years old. I encourage you to reach out to a health care provider to discuss your symptoms and talk about treatment options. You are not alone.
Thank you so much For your reply I will definitely contact my Dr today.
Thanks for reaching out. While we would no longer call what you are struggling with “PPD”, “maternal depression” is certainly something that many women struggle with….especially when stressors are as high as yours are- and relapse from a PPD experience is certainly possible. As Becky says, reaching out for support is so important at this time. My warmest healing wishes to you…
Thanks a lot for your reply . Wow I never heard of Maternal depression I will have to research that type of depression. I thought I was over PPD so I will be calling my Dr ASAP because I’m feeling so depress.
Im so relieved to read this. My son is almost one year and I am just now sleeping and acknowledging my postpartum depression
My 19 year old daughter has a 16 month old baby and she is severly depressed and needs help. Where can I take her for help. We do not have insurance. She needs help now
Frances, if your daughter needs immediate care, you can take her to your local emergency room. There will be someone there who can help her. Otherwise, I’d encourage you to get an appointment with a therapist and/or primary care doctor to discuss treatment options. Depending on where you live, there should be resources available free or low of cost. You may need to call your local county to get this information.
Hi Kate, I’m also an LCSW and am in private practice. I also had a fierce battle with ppd, it was awful and I was even “prepared” for it. I knew I had some pre-existing conditions and I knew since going through infertility treatment, having some trauma during my pregnancy as well as a difficult child birth and then two other personal traumas with in 6 months after birth I was a statistic waiting to happen. I had some advantage because to a degree i knew what it was and I had access to a counselor and a psychiatrist. The counselor was helpful but didn’t really address the ppd. About the time my daughter hit 13 months I felt better but it was short lived. I need to get back in therapy with someone that recognizes this as untreated ppd and now maternal distress. Do you have any recommendations or by chance know of somebody in the Louisville, KY area possibly? Thanks so much for this post, it was so helpful.
Hi Amy – We have a few specialists listed on our website here: http://postpartumprogress.com/womens-mental-health-treatment-programs-specialists-us-canada-australia
My daughter has turned one me and my missus have broke up over a couple of arguments few weeks ago since she was pregnant this is wot happens every few months say she’s no feeling and turns into a complete horrible nasty person towards me and I mean horrible could this be wot it is?
Hi Jason, I would encourage to reach out to a doctor or therapist to talk more about what is happening. Only they can diagnose postpartum depression.
Thank you this helped me out so much I didn’t think all of this would surfaces a year later band it brought things to my attention that I would of never considered as a factor
Thank your for validating that maternal distress can last for years when not properly treated.
Thank you so much for this article! I have come back to it several times to re-read it! It provides me a source of strength because I can put a name on what it is that’s affected me! I went through a really rough patch of depression in Sept/Oct 2015, and have been successfully treated with medication and talk therapy. We moved from California to Colorado when my daughter was 10 months old (I did NOT want to move) and we left our support network behind. We changed jobs, bought a new house and I put my daughter in daycare on the same day I started my new job. It took a year before the depression really hit me hard, and I realized that what my husband had suspected all along: I had an undiagnosed (possibly subclinical) case of PPD and all of these major life changes put me into the clinical category after my daughter turned 1. It is so comforting to know that “maternal depression” IS a thing and that I’m absolutely not alone.
That said, I’d like to thank every single woman who has commented on this feed for being so honest and creating a place where others (like me) can find a sense of hope and community. And if you are reading this and you’re struggling right now, please know this: everything will be okay! There is help available and there are people out there who understand exactly what you are going through because they have been there too! Be kind to yourself, ladies. And again: thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this article, as my daughter just turned 18 months old and I’ve just recently (within the past 4 months) felt my anxiety getting worse & worse. I thought I was past the “window” that PPD refers to, so this article was very touching to me. Everyday is a fight. I have found myself spending my evenings on PostPartumProgress.com reading these posts, reading the comments and realizing that I am NOT alone. I am growing closer to God, I am seeking help from a therapist that I saw for the first time yesterday. I am clinging onto HOPE everyday that I WILL get better. HOPE is the only thing that keeps me going. My husband, my daughter, they are worth fighting thru ANYTHING. Thanks for your constant support & please keep up the good work!!
Gee, numbers 1 to 10 all apply to me. A stopped heart during the delivery, abruption, unexpected multiples, two of the gender I was much less certain how to parent, colic, allergies, mere minutes of sleep some nights, vivv18+ hours of infant cries a day, my parents divorce when my kids were a month old… I felt/feel like I have been hit by a truck. Parenthood has been a relentless and grueling process that has caused me infinite pain. I’m fighting very hard to be happy for my sons. But oh, what a struggle, especially being alone, isolated and having a difficult time accessing therapy or other help.
Oh Vicky, you have been through SO much. I’m sorry. You are right, it is at times so grueling and painful. Maybe it would help you to find some support via our private forum. We are there to talk about what works to help each other. Here is the link if you’d like that – https://www.smartpatients.com/partners/postpartumprogress
We also have a list of providers (therapy and psychiatry) by location. Perhaps you could find some good help near you on that list. I hope so – http://postpartumprogress.com/womens-mental-health-treatment-programs-specialists-us-canada-australia
Is it possible to get postpartum after 5 years?
It’s possible for something that started in the postpartum period to last for many years if not treated. I hope that answers your question.
WOW… i can check 10 / 13 of those of those with my baby born in 2010… and presently with baby girl born in 2015, who is just about 1 yr and i an just this week realizing that i have postpartum, and had it last time too… it has taken a year of getting progressively deeper into the depression to the breaking point where i actually realized i am broken, my mind is broken, old wounds are still open, and being exhausted beyond belief has taken a toll. i love these children with all that i am, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. just reading about postpartum has really helped. i found http://postpartumprogress.com/from-suicide-to-joy-a-tale-of-three-mothers-three-birthdays to be super helpful. any mom out there who is struggling… hold on… brighter days are ahead! it’s not your fault and if you can reach out and get help, please do!!!
I stumbled across this and was intrigued. My PPD/PPA seemed to surface when I weaned from breastfeeding (so 18 months with my first and 9 with my second). But I do have a history of anxiety/depression, specifically around hormonal shifts (prior PPD diagnosis) and when I look back objectively, even the first few months with my oldest (my easy baby) were full of anxiety that I chalked up to nervous new mom syndrome. I remember being so overwhelmed I had a hard time doing anything but dealing with baby, and rarely left the house because taking him and the diaper bag and the carseat, etc. seemed too hard. I remember my husband saying when he was about 8 weeks old, I had to leave the house at some point. It’s so hard to see while you are in it though.
My little boy is 11 and half months old (3rd child ) I haven’t been myself since crying anxious when he was born couldn’t really bond then love him to bits now would not be without him but got this feeling of lonelyness I cry a lot not every day lost interest in doing most things feel tired a lot and hate my partner can’t even look at him mind you he doesn’t help a lot I just wish I could be my normal bubbly self again and I don’t think this will ever happen my other 2 children are teenagers
I hope you have gotten some professional help, Marina. It’s so hard to be the full-time care-taker with little support AND to struggle with PPD. You can get better with time and help, mama.
Hi marina I’m in the same boat as you how you’ve explained yourself is exactly me I feel the same and this is my 3rd and my other 2 are older
So my son is almost 10 months old… I feel as if I’m showing the symptoms of PPD the mood swings and irritability and such… I feel as if it’s putting a strain on my relationship and I’m just wondering… Is it possible to still have PPD and just now realize you might have it? I plan on talking to my doctor about it but still am curious… I didn’t give birth to my son like I had planned and never really had the best support system from family members and that was hard… I planned on a vaginal delivery and had to have an emergency c section (and would do it all over again if it meant that my child was safe and not think twice about it) I had a feeling that I would require a c section but was still planning a vaginal… I don’t even really remember my son’s birth…. I feel depressed and insecure and hopeless about a lot of things… My relationship and being the best mother that I can… And I get discouraged when I try to explain how I feel and why and stuff because my fiance gets frustrated and upset with me and then I feel like I’m not allowed to have the feelings I do over anything and so I’m thinking about taking anti depressants but really don’t want to given when I was younger my mother would have me take meds because she just didn’t want to deal with me… So I’m unsure if it’s just my usual depression from before I was pregnant or PPD… :/
Is there a way to get help for continued postpartum distress if you don’t want people (your husband and family) to know?
Yes, mama. If you can go to your appointments on your own, your family isn’t notified. Many mamas choose to get help privately. It may be best for people to rely on their loved ones after talking with them about it, but I know that isn’t possible for everyone. I hope you find the help you need, and I’m sending you peace!
Hi maam katie.i’ve been going through a lot of ” hell like situations” before my pregnancy.however, it got worse after pregnancy, and it’s slowly killing me for I gain no support from my family. I am shy and still reluctant to open up to them for I know they wont believe me. I’m in a dilemma right now coz I have nowhere to go.I pray,but prayers aren’t enough to console me coz in everyday of my life, i’m bombarded by so many stressors.likewise, the past still haunts me.
Dear Madz, I am so sorry to hear how greatly you are struggling. Please reach out for support. http://www.postpartum.net/get-help/locations/united-states/ or http://postpartumprogress.com/womens-mental-health-treatment-programs-specialists-us-canada-australia . You are not alone. Kate
I believe the window of time for post partum depression should be re-evaluated. Maybe stopping breast feeding and the hormonal changes that go along with that should be considered. My daughter is almost eighteen months old and I am recently experiencing some severe symptoms that I can only relate to post partum depression. I have also cut back on breast feeding lately. Maybe there’s a relation?
I think you’re right, mama. Changes in breastfeeding and weaning are often triggers for hormonal shifts that cause depression and/or anxiety. It gets better with time, but if it makes it hard to cope, focus, sleep, there is always hope! Peace to you!
Thank you so much for this – I’m seeking help asap. I really appreciate your insight on the timeline not being just immediately after birth and the cumulative effects of stress. 🙂
Wow I just came across this article and am now wondering if I have post partum distress. I feel very fatigued all the time, very overwhelmed, and I feel like my hormones have been all wacky ever since I got my period back. It’s like I have a very short fuse when it comes to anger and emotions. When I had my daughter who is almost 2 I didn’t have these feelings or emotions. I honestly felt fine, but over the course of these almost two years I felt lonely and like I had to do it myself. I have no family to help me with her and my husband works very long hours. And I have always been the one to stay up all night or take care of her. I just feel emotionally and physically drained.
Of course you feel drained. Doing this mostly alone is just exhausting. It makes sense that you would be struggling with symptoms of PPD. If it continues or gets worse, please reach out. There is help, and it will get better, mama.
Hi, I just read this article. I am a mom of 14 months. I am also thinking if I have PPD still. I am very anxious, and feeling the stress most of the time. I dont have any problem with my baby. When I delivered my baby, my sister and my mom came to my house and they stayed for 4 months. I never wanted this, because our relationships are complicated (for me, normal to them). I had health problems for 3 months, so they helped a lot. However, they were acting like my baby’s mothers. So, when we went somewhere, people were saying ‘oo this baby has 3 moms’. This was bothering me, but they didnt understand even I told them. We wanted family times with my husband, but all the time they were unhappy like we were excluding and ignoring them. Now, they are away, but I couldnt forget these, now I got again very depressed. When I talked to them , when they do a comment about my baby, it always bothers me. I am the only mom. This is always in my mind. Do you think if this is an obsession or PPD?
If you could help, I’ll be glad!! Thanks
I’m not sure we can answer that, mama. Sometimes when someone is struggling with symptoms of PPD or PPAnxiety, thoughts can more easily become obsessive. There is also PPOCD to consider. You may want to read about that. If you have trouble coming to a conclusion about what you’re dealing with, please seek professional help. Help is out there. You can get better. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, and I send you PEACE.
my son is almost three years old and i think i have continued postpartum depression because i am easily irritated and i cry almost every day. When i am crying i just want to get my life over with and see nothing positive. Any lil reason can set my crying off. I am so sensitive. Any advice? I already take meds for anxiety and depression but a lady that helps kids with special needs told me that postpartum depression can last up to 3 years.
It certainly can last if not treated appropriately. Most moms do best with a combination of meds and therapy. Sometimes it takes a lot of tweaking of the meds to find what will be most helpful for you. Everyone is different. Hang in there, mama. I’m sorry you’ve struggled like this. There IS hope, with the right help, and time.
Came across this almost 3 years later, and it provided so much insight into some of the issues my fellow moms this side of the world ask me (as a PPD survivor.) Thanks Kate for putting this in perspective!
Hi. Came across this article tonight as I was wondering what is wrong with me. Recently transferred overseas. Had 3 kids. 2 boys 8 and 6 and 1 yr old baby girl. I feel so sad suddenly realizing I’m.so far away from my own home. Cant get help from family member. Im a stay at home mom. My husbands works for long hours so i solely take care of evrything in the house. I find myself struggling to keep up everyday
Recently I notice i’m having trouble sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night. Cant sleep and I think.i’m having some panic attacks. I’ve never experience like this before. Desperately needs help. I booked an appointment with gp tomorrow. I feel.better knowing I am.not alone in this.thanks!
I really really really needed this. I thought I was crazy. So much of my Son’s first year was a trial. I tried for 7 years and had 6 miscarriages before we conceived successfully. Then, in a whirlwind, I ended up with pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes and was on bed rest the last month. I was brought in for an emergency C section, my house burned 3 months later, and my husband underwent emergency heart surgery one month after that. Shortly after, and ever since, my husband has been out of work .. for almost a year now. No wonder I still have symptoms!
Plus on top of that, I have been working 50+ hours a week and in grad school….
Wow you hit the nail right on the head. This brought me to tears right now.
This is me. Right now-14 months pp. I knew I had ppd but we were in the middle of moving and selling a house and looking for houses so self care was on the back burner. And even when we moved I still just kept going. One day turned to the next and the next and each day my husband wondering where the girl he married is? Ugh. I’m calling for help tomorrow.
I honestly needed this so bad. My son will be two next month and I’ve been having such a hard time. I haven’t talk to anyone about it because I thought it was just because I haven’t had sleep in so long. I find myself having worse anxiety and getting so mad at nothing. I snap one second and then I’m snugging the other. I just don’t even know how to put what I’m feeling down. I just want to be alone all the time.
Thank you, I’ve been so down, but as my dd is almost 15 months I thought it couldn’t be ppd. Reading through the article, I could agree with so many of the different reasons that when I really think about it it’s been creeping up for many months.
I’m going to make an appointment with my gp.
Thank you for making me realise its not just me failing xxx
I was just diagnosed with delayed preinatal postpartum mood disorder. I am glad that this is getting more notice because my kids are 3 and 20m old and I was JUST diagnosed!. Don’t be afriad to get help!!! I am so glad I did.
I have only just discovered this page and already feel less alone reading it. I have been feeling very sad and alone for months. My children are 6,4 and almost 2. After reading more about signs and symptoms I am beginning to wonder if I have had PPD since my littlest was around 6 months old.
I always thought perhaps this was normal to be a mom of three young children, but I feel recently my levels of irratability and tiredness are not normal. I feel awful for my children as I want to stop being so annoyed by little things and then bursting into tears. I do not feel like I get any support at home and I should be able to handle this.
Thank you for leaving this comment because reading this is like looking at myself in the mirror. I have twin baby girls who will be 18 months on the 22nd and I have been dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety which turns into anger and rage especially when I am PMSing since the babies were four months old. I thought it was just me being overwhelmed as a new parent and that I’ll get over it as I got better as a new mom. To me anxiety and depression was normal because it’s all in my head as I’m past the postpartum depression stage but I do not feel the way I did before I had my children. I love my children I live and breathe for them I do not let them see me upset or frustrated or angry. I sometimes sit and cry because I feel like a failure of a mother that it’s not fair my babies deserve their mommy to be happy and healthy and full of life not like I am now sad crying full of anxiety. Thank you again for your comment and opening my eyes that I should look into seeing a counselor maybe I should reach out to my OB. My biggest fear is being labeled and looked upon as if I wasn’t competent and I’m useless as a new mother that I wasn’t able to handle it. I think that is what has kept me from reaching out. ????
i really glad i read this i have had all.of the symtoms for the last 4years i have had no supports as i have never thought about any type of deoression every i also relate to most of the mothers u talk about
Just sat here reading this thinking, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Perhaps I am going through PPD? My son is 11 months old and while I have all the patience in the world for him, I can feel myself drifting away from my ‘normal’ self. I have great days, and then I can have really low days. It got me thinking a few weeks ago to start looking into all this and since coming across this post it all feels a little too real. As I write this comment I feel myself getting upset from the feeling of admitting to myself that this could be the case and maybe I am going through a little depression as a new mother. If I’m honest I read about PPD and think, no that’s not me. I’m not annoyed, upset or challenged as such by my child but, me, myself, I just don’t feel me.
Usually referred to as the most outgoing, happy person people know, it’s hard to think to myself that maybe I am.
But why do you do next? Where do you go to seek help? I’ve moved to a new country 3 months ago & don’t yet have a doctor as haven’t needed to go…
Any advice would be amazing, thank you. Sorry for the rant.
About 95% of these are accurate for me and my life and situation but I still don’t really know what to do about it.
I think this is what I’m dealing with… I felt fine until 17 months postpartum. I’m hoping these intense emotions are related to the hopefully soon return of my period!!! I’ve never felt this intense emotional until recently and I’m breastfeeding but hopefully it’s hormones causing this!