I’ve always wondered how much my stressful birth experience may have contributed to my postpartum depression.
I know many of you have had much more traumatic births than I did, but I’ve never forgotten how stressed out I was by the birth of my first child; from the failed epidural, to the hours of pushing, to the constant worry about the heart rate of my child in the womb, I became more and more anxious. Could that have been a part of what led to postpartum depression?
That is the subject of my post today on childbirth for the Million Moms Challenge. It’s called “What Shocked Me About My Labor: The Never-Ending Pushing & Feeling of Failure.” I hope you’ll join in the discussion. What was your childbirth like? Did anything that happened during labor and delivery shock you? Do you think any part of that experience may have contributed to your postpartum depression or related illnesses? Share your story!
And don’t forget, those who reply to the conversation are entered to win an exclusive Million Moms Challenge Gift Pack, which includes an iPad2, a custom-made Million Moms Challenge pendant and a $50 donation in your name to Global Giving.
I did have postpartum depression with my daughter. I had a very difficult pregnancy with her. The complications started with placenta previa, 2 bleeds, preterm labor, and I had a placenta abruption with her that led to an emergency c section. I was not watch enough , I never should have been allowed to chance a vaginal delivery, the worst part is I went in because I was in labor and they sent me home instead of observing me! Needless to say it did not end well due to the abruption, thankfully my daughter and I were ok but I suffered for months with postpartum depression and post traumatic stress disorder! Total lack of care is what resulted in what happened to me!
Mine was supposed to be an easy birth. The maternity ward was full, and the hospital had had a set of twins born every week in the weeks leading up to me going in there. Of the 5 people at my OB's office (two midwives, one female doctor, two male doctors), the one male doctor I never met delivered my son. And there were other complicated deliveries (including a set of twins where one twin was ready to greet the world, the other was just fine staying in). I'd had this plan of being able to walk around and be able to go to the bathroom on my own, sitting on my yoga ball..instead I got dressed in the hospital gown, they get the painkiller, the catheter, and epidural in, after which I had a huge panic attack. They thought I was having a stroke. Thankfully I was able to calm down, though I don't remember how very well. While I was pushing, the doctor walked by (he literally just delivered my baby, he wasn't around for the pushing part) and asked in a very annoyed voice if I was ready. That pissed me off. I remember thinking in a split second of time "I'm having my first child EVER, I've already had one panic attack, and you're annoyed that I'm not ready yet??!" Then at one point the pain was so bad that I started screaming, and the nurse told me to stop and use the energy to push. Even though I know she was doing her job, I would have preferred she be a little more empathetic (especially because she was also pregnant). So I definitely think my experience, if nothing else, helped pave the way for me getting PPA/OCD.
When I was pregnant with my third child I figured I knew everything that was going to happen and I was not scarred at all for my delivery.. Things change when I got punched in my stomach where I work, I went to the hospital and was told everything was ok after hours of monitoring. My job refused to take me out of the room I was working in and 3 weeks later I again got punched.. When I got to the hospital I was told that I was having contractions which they tried to stop but were unable to. Every time I had a contraction my daughters heart rate would severely plummet. I was laying in bed and would each on monitors as her heart almost stopped. I was rushed into an emergency c- section where they quickly got Bella out. She was rushed by ambulance to a larger hospital with a NICU while in route she was intubated. My daughter spent many weeks in the NICU and then had two mote trips back to the hospital because she stopped breathing and turned blue on me. To this day I still blame myself for almost loosing my daughter and have nightmares. She however is very healthy and loves to beat up her older brothers and is only 19 months.