Part ofher story is about why she didn't blog about her bout with postpartum depression with her first child, and how she fears having it with her second. (Sending out a prayerthat she doesn't get it this time.)
She also writes that she finds many women blogging about postpartum depression and using it as sort of a badge that allows them to do anything they like.
"Such is the irony of our social media existence. That which is rarely discussed openly in our real lives is hashed out so thoroughly online that it begins to sound trite … Since when did postpartum depression become a shield? Since when did it become an all-access pass for bad behavior?"
I'm very interested to hear what you think about this. Are you seeing people use PPD in their blogs, or in person,beyond simply sharing their experience? Do you worry that women may use their illness as an excuse in blogging or in real life? I imagine that there are those who are unwell emotionally regardless of their postpartum depression, who might use any illness or perceived life trauma as an excuse to behave badly. I have to say that I haven't personally seen that in the stories I've read on the web or the women that I follow, but I also realize I only see asmall portionof what's out there.
(As a side note, It's ironic thatMegan uses the term "shield", as a shield features so prominently in the Postpartum Progress logo.I wanted to point, for anyone wondering about the meaning of the logo, thatour shield represents fighting back against our illness, fighting back against the stigma, being brave enough to reach our for help and being as strong as possible during our recovery. Go, Warrior Moms, Go!)
When it comes to Dooce, I think Heather Armstrong became "Dooce" only in small part because of her writing about postpartum depression. I think she became Dooce for many other reasons, and her power and influence now is because of all of them. I would imagine that some days she is thrilled because she has a successful business now thanks to her blog, and some days she probably feels she created a monster that she must continue to feed daily. Those readers who mistakenly useArmstrong's bout with PPD to defend or support every move she makes are simply ignorant about what PPD is.
Postpartum depression isnot a life sentence. PPD does not define who we are, nor does it let us off scot-free should we live our lives poorly in the future. It's temporary.
Thank God.
In normal context, I would disagree with the shield comment. I believe, as you've pointed out, that we're merely seeing more women willing to speak about what has happened or is happening to them post partum. I sincerely disagree that women with PPD are given carte blanche to do as they wish because their brain chemistry is altered for a time. A reason is not an excuse.
However, in the Dooce example-she's totally right. Her readership, not Dooce herself, seem to be trying to create some sort of martyr, and pin any type of "backtalk" to hostility towards a woman with PPD. It's minimizing for those of us who have suffered (Dooce included) and rather childish.
We're all different. I've talked to women who were just overwhelmingly sad for weeks, I've talked to those like me who wanted to literally throw baby out with the bathwater, and still others who had extreme OCD symptoms. There's no normal in PPD, and I wish we could escape that expectation.
She brings up good points though. I wish her well in the coming weeks.
I have not seen evidence of that in any of the blogs I read, nor in women I've encountered that have suffered PPD or other PP issues. Not to say that there isn't a good example or two out there somewhere. I have encountered people in my life who have chronic depression, who use that as a crutch, or shield, to excuse or explain every 'bad' turn or action in their lives. In my experience that is more evidence of a individual character issue rather than an example of a typical person with depression.
I have been a reader of Dooce's for years. I don't agree with everything she says, and with very little of the pack of commenters to her site, who react en masse to any negative comments about her. I think Heather describes her depression and PPD as part of who she is, not as a defining element of her person, and I don't believe she uses it as a shield to do or say whatever she wants. I think she's brave for putting herself out there (just as you are), and I can't blame her for taking offense at some of the cruel and heartless things people say about her. At the same time, I don't think she can be held accountable for the hordes of commenters who lash out at those who disagree with her, either.
It's worth pointing out that I wasn't suggesting that Dooce (or other bloggers) has used PPD as a shield. I was using the "shield" metaphor to describe how some of her READERS have behaved on her behalf. Very different point.
As you will have noticed, the point did seem to resonate with the commenters, being that writing and speaking about PPD does not mean that we want it to define us or that we would ever want to be seen as a "poster child" for the diagnosis, as so many commenters have said.
Needing to talk about it openly and yet simultaneously fight it defining us is integral to the post.
I do need to stress that I wasn't suggesting that women that write about PPD online are using it as an all-access pass for bad behavior. I was referring to the people around those women, readers that use it to excuse any amount of behavior to critics of their beloved writers.
None of us can control that, though, so we have to write what we have to write. We have to get it out. And just look at the response from my own readers! Some of those women admitting to struggling with PPD are "big bloggers" and have yet to address their worries on their own blogs. Out of fear. Out of fear of so much of what I wrote.
Those women don't want to use it as a shield or pass for bad behavior. But they definitely don't want their readers or family to do so on their behalf. That was my point.
As I mentioned to you in the comments, though, I unfortunately do know women in real life that use it as a pass. It's horrible and makes it all the more difficult for women struggling with PPD that aren't looking for a pass, but it happens. That, however, is an entirely different post. (I used to work in a psych ward, so seriously different post.)
The question of whether or not women use PPD as an "all-access pass" is a great question. However, it was not the question posed in my post regarding women that actually have PPD. That question was regarding the people around those with the diagnosis. I think one of my commenters was referring to your post when they said they found me via a quote taken out of context. It is an important distinction to make, as my hope was to address just one of the hesitations that hold women back from telling their story. They fear how others will use it.
By the way, I agree that Dooce didn't become Dooce because of her writing about PPD. I didn't suggest that it was. She became Dooce by trashing the people around her and getting busted for it. Talk about another post for another day. 😉
Thanks for continuing the discussion! It's fascinating. I'm enthralled with the comments coming forth.
Megan,
Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts! I appreciate your clarifications. Sorry if I misrepresented in any way.
I hate that women would feel uncomfortable writing about their PPD out of fear. Not writing about it is, of course, perfectly cool. Some of us want to shout from the rooftops. Some of us want to move on. There is no right answer. But I hate that there is fear, and I hate that readers would then turn it into the main topic of who we are.
At this blog, of course, it IS the core symbol of who I am, only because I chose for myself to do this work. But if I were writing a personal blog and wrote about my experience, it would really bug me if everyone kept coming back to it as though it was my sole usefulness. (Does that make sense?)
Oh, and I felt you were very balanced about Dooce and had a problem with her readers and not with her. I just wanted to share my thoughts about her as well.
Postpartum depression is a more serious condition that can interfere with your ability to take care of yourself and your newborn child. But with treatment, the support of your family, and attention to your own needs, you can get back on the road to healthy and happy motherhood.
As a women who endured a very serious case of Post-Partum Depression within this last year I wanted to share some of my struggles with bad behavior. Before having my son I had only heard the words a few times before and didn'tknow anything about it. Finding myself in the middle of this emotional war, my mind became very withdrawln from normal reality, even between right and wrong. I can tell you the emotional detachment was the cause for many mistakes, when you are in a state of mind like that you don't care about anyone or Anything!! You can't always control what happens and I learned that early on.
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