Oh the mamas. The amazing mamas all over the place just laying it on the line and talking about PPD. Isn’t it a great time to be living, where you have the opportunity through the web to be able to virtually meet women just like you? I think it is. Even 9 years post the postpartum OCD, I get so much out of hearing from fellow survivors.
There’s Beth Anne, continuing her series on hospitalization for severe postpartum depression with a story on what it was like in the hospital. (By the way, if you’d like to read my story on hospitalization, here it is. Wish I’d been able to go to UNC. It certainly sounds better than my own experience.)
And Kimberly … wow. Love this story about not being able to love and then loving SO MUCH. I know it’s hard to imagine that will be you some day. Just wait. You’ll see. As Kimberly describes, it’ll blow your socks off.
And Emily, who’s still in the middle of all this horrible postpartum depression misery and needs our support. She reminds me how many mothers come into this illness every day and need our love and prayers.
One of my most favorite features of PP, one that goes back to the early days, is being able to share with you the words of others. Don’t just read mine, or Alexis’. Whenever you get the chance, see what other moms are saying. I think it really reinforces just HOW MANY women go through this, and just HOW SIMILAR their experiences are to yours, even if they’re not exactly the same.
OMG – Kimberly, that was ME. I remember thinking to myself as my baby fretfully cried in his crib that I would never be happy again and that my life was over. When my mother offered to have him spend the night with her, it was the first night I could truly relax and feel content. I dreaded picking him up the next morning. My mom anxiously asked me, "But won't you miss him?" and I knew that 'no' wasn't the answer I was supposed to give. I remember being almost giddy with joy when it was time to go back to work because it meant I would be free of my baby for eight blissful hours a day…and I remember feeling guilty and resentful when the eightieth person of the day would say, "I bet you miss your baby now that you are back at work!" and I'd say yes, lying through my teeth.
But somewhere along the line – mainly through meds and therapy – that switch flipped. I can now honestly say that there is no one in the world I love more then my son, and when he is sleeping in my arms, I feel like a lioness watching over her cub. My heart is so full with joy for him, and if anyone ever touched one hair on his head, my anger would be unleashed like a hurricane. He is my heart, plain and simple.
I am still terrified to talk about my bonding experience because of judgment. I didn't want people to think I was a monster for not exploding with love for my son right away.
Thank you for opening up and sharing part of your story too. This helps so many women out there.