Anger. Rage. Bitchy pants. Call it whatever you want, a lot of women who have postpartum depression experience anger as one of their symptoms. It’s a symptom that’s not talked about often enough and, for me, that made it really hard to get a proper diagnosis when I was struggling after my first son was born.
If you’re not a mom who experiences the type of anger—rage, let’s call it rage, because it’s so much more than anger—often associated with PPD, you probably can’t begin to imagine what it’s like. If you do experience it, you quite possibly have yourself convinced you’re the only one.
You’re not the only one.
Postpartum rage, is so common, and I never imagined I’d find as many other new moms saying “me too” as I did when I finally started to share my experience with rage.
Months and months ago I started to write a post to share with you here. It was an effort to describe what rage looked like for me. How it manifested. But the post stayed in draft form because I wasn’t sure I could adequately capture it.
It has been a while since I’ve experienced that type of rage. I finally—blessedly, almost coincidentally—happened upon the right combination of medication. The rage, often dormant but still there, just below the surface, went away. And yet I still want to try to describe how I felt when it was a daily presence in my life, because I think it’s really important that we talk about this. So I’m going to try, to the best of my ability, to describe what my rage looked like.
It’s the unexpected:
I take my dog for a walk in the evening after a pretty typical day. I’m not in a bad mood, but when the dog on the corner barks wildly as we walk by, I lose it: “Shut up, you stupid dog!” I bark back. I’m surprised at the outburst; I didn’t see it coming.
It’s the stuff no one else can hear:
I’m tired and the baby is waking up over and over and refusing to be soothed. “Ethan, enough,” I plead. “Enough!” My voice is desperate, defeated. I’ve said it before and I know it doesn’t help, but I say it again anyway.
It’s the uncharacteristic:
I’m driving, only vaguely aware of the tension in my shoulders. Somewhere deep down I’m counting—hours until bedtime, days until a weekend sleep-in, weeks (months? years?) until things get easier. Another driver cuts me off and I drop an F-bomb and slam my hand into the steering wheel. It’s unusual enough for me that I pause for a moment, noticing.
It’s the knowing-it’s-not-rational-but-doing-it-anyway:
I’m at home with the boys on a weekend while my husband is getting some work done. When the invitation comes to have dinner at my parents’ house with my family, I relish it because it means I don’t have to cook and will have a few other hands to help for a short time. My husband opts not to come, deciding instead to use the time to finish what he’s doing, and that makes me mad for reasons I can’t identify. When we get home and he sees that I’m upset, he asks why. I shout, “Because…I just am!” and stomp up the stairs.
These are just some examples of many. I’m not sure they’re the most characteristic, but they’re certainly typical.
Have all mothers been there? Maybe. A time or two. But it’s different when you live with it every day. It’s different when it affects your relationships at home and at work. It’s different when you can’t control it.
So if you’ve experienced this day-in, day-out, at-the-drop-of-a-hat, cannot-be-controlled type of rage, let me say this: You’re not the only one.
You’re not the only one.
And it can get better.
I’m so glad you wrote this. I have been feeling this way for a while now and thought I was just becoming an angry person. It’s nice to know I”m not alone.
You’re really not, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. It’s okay to ask for help. Lots of us have been there!
My baby is 21 months and I’ve been feeling even more anger as more time goes on. It’s all directed at my husband, not my baby. Can you get postpartum rage that intensifies this long after having a baby?
Yes, Rose. That’s possible. Especially if left untreated, or not getting the specialized treatment needed. I hope you have good help and support both professionally and personally. If not, keep advocating for yourself. This is 100% treatable. I’m sending you peace.
I ask myself the same question daily….it started during pregnancy we did IVF so I used all the hormones as an excuse and now 12 months later after baby (twins I might add) I still get so angry and mad at the smallest things and mostly things my husband does. I see you posted this just a few months ago. Did you end getting help, seeing/talking with someone? Or what I’d love to hear is it went away?
Rose I’m on the same
Boat , my son just turned 2 and I feel that is getting worse 🙁
It’s SO much more than just anger or a “bad day.” Thank you.
So much more! Thanks, Keely.
Thank you for sharing. I needed this today.
I’m glad it helped, Liz.
I had post partum rage too. I knew it was ppd as the rage was characteristic of a few pregnancy rages I experienced-totally uncharacteristic and I just knew this angry person I’d become wasn’t me. Im usually pleasant, shy and quiet! My rage was focused on my eldest Son. My husband could see our relationship deteriorating so I had to do something. My dr was not very helpful or knowledgeable unfortunately and out of total desperation I had to ask for antidepressants (I would now prefer a natural approach but I was desperate and needed something to help me now! ). The calm that ensued (following initial side effects) was a true blessing. I felt normal. And calm! You’re right, no one whose not experienced this kind of rage will understand. Sadly, my closest friends couldn’t, and dismissed it as normal because all parents get angry at their kids or I was being too hard on myself. Disappointing but it’s not their fault. It was so bad our marriage was on the rocks. My anger could happen at the drop of a hat, or triggered at certain times of the day no fail (daily routine things relating to the children), or build up and explode. I’ve been on bio identical hormones which have given me a tremendous sense of well being (I’ve been meds free for 6 days following a year long taper so will adjust hormones with the guide of my wellness dr). Recently, I stopped taking the progesterone and wow!! I started having rage everywhere-kids, driving, cafe, school car park. .. I got more prog. Pronto and I was normal again! I was amazed when I discovered I want the only mother who experienced this..I too didn’t know it was so common. And the few people who can relate have been so good to talk to. . It helps to have someone who can really empathize.
Good luck with your recovery and bless your family. There’s nothing better than a happy home! ! Could I add that maybe you look into a different remedy (maybe also therapy? ) as being on meds long term can’t be good although initially they’re a godsend. I was on paraxotine for 5 yrs and suddenly got unexplained fatigue. I think it was the meds as I read online that the increase in seratonin also increases adrenaline (I now realize this gave me the energy to get through the day) which leads to adrenal fatigue. That’s when I decided to taper off.
Take care xx
Thanks for your comment, Jules. It affected my marriage badly too, and you’re right that other people really don’t understand. It’s more than just normal anger.
As for a remedy, I’ve done a lot of things, including therapy. Those are helpful – really helpful – but I know that for me, at least right now, meds are an absolute necessity. My health overall (including physical) is better when I’m on them, and I’m comfortable with that approach. After my experience, doing what I need to do for my mental health is a huge priority for me.
I’ve definitely experienced it, Robin. Thank you for writing openly about it so that others don’t have to feel so alone. xoxo
Thanks, Jenn. And for all you do, too. xx
Ummm, in case these examples don’t fit other peoples idea of “rage”, and you are really feeling like a stark raving lunatic.
I would drive away from my home so angry at whatever I would beat my steering wheel until my hands were blab and blue and horn stuck in the “on” position. I would go into the bathroom, again can’t remember why. Some average Mom challenge that took me over the edge. Then lock the door, take a bath towel and beat the edge of the bath tub until I could no longer. 2 examples of “rage”. Maybe rage is built up anger. My life was turned upside down. Finally w/diagnosis 2 years after birth of PP-D, PP-OCD, PP-GAD, PTSD from the birth. I found the right combo of meds. My beautiful son is 21. I am currently medicated and live an awesome life.
Some people are more intense, it’s OK. Get help. There is tons out there. 100 fold from 21 years ago…..
I’m so glad I read this as it’s describing my version of rage also!!! I also grab the towel and beat it against the bath tub as it’s the only way I can get rid of all the anger and I don’t know where it comes from, it is also affecting my marriage, I’m afraid I go to my doctor as she can be very judgemental xx
Hello mama. Maybe it’s time for a different doctor? If yours can be judgmental, that’s not helpful! Or you could consider talking with her without giving her every detail. You can simply say you are having symptoms of PPD, including a level of frustration and anger that isn’t normal for you. Peace to you!
Thanks for showing moms what PPD can look like, Robin. Your experiences will help so many.
Thank you! I am only just recently realizing I have ppd (with anger/rage), the realization came about one night when my kids missed church because I had an episode and couldn’t stand the fact that we were late and kids forgot things and someone didn’t eat dinner (and I look back now and think I must have looked like a lunatic). And, have probably had ppd since a miscarriage back in 2008 (and two precious babies since). I am just not myself… or my former self, and my kiddos get the brunt of it. Now I just have to call (something I don’t like doing anymore) the Dr and hope they listen to me as my (most recent) baby is 9+ months old.
If they don’t listen find another doctor. 🙂 I pray you find he help you need.
I read your blog and want to cry, this is me! I’m terrified to see my doctor about medications mainly because I’m breastfeeding and don’t want to become dependent. My poor husband. He takes the brunt. I feel like a failure. Thank you for your blog. Appreciate this.
Hi sens. .plse talk to yr dr for a solution. Its not fair on yr hubby (my rage was directed at my eldest son and only a handful of times at my husband) .. This kind of rage can destroy a marriage (nearly did mine but we have gotten through it and luckily my husband is very supportive).
All the best. .. You need to look after yourself so you can look after baby and family x
My wonderful beautiful wife went into hospital six years ago to give birth to our beautiful daughter and an angry enraged woman came out.
I have been yelled at screamed at been witness to countless monumental tantrums so many times, I have been the target of so many hurtful words and actions, I have always seen myself as a strong man someone who is true and good, I want to be there for my wife and family, I’m not man who cries alot but for the last year I find myself bursting into tears on an almost daily basis I’m in so much pain.
I don’t blame my wife I know how depression can affect people, but please to any mothers who are going through this please if you have any love in your heart for your husband and family please don’t hesitate to get help talk to a professional, we all need help sometimes and there is no shame in that.
I live my life as my wife’s emotional punching bag, I thought that I was strong enough to take it but years of abuse have worn me down, I still love her and want to be with her but I just can’t take it anymore, I just wish she had listened to her family and myself and sought help for her rage.
The only silver lining to this dark cloud is that at least our children will be in a calm environment every second week.
Please don’t let this happen to your family
I’ve also thought it was me just becoming an angry and bitter person but now…I feel like I can identify with every thought in this post.
For the first time in 2 1/2 years I don’t feel alone. Thank you for writing this. I pray that I can find the right treatment for me so that my relationships don’t deteriorate anymore.
So what have you done to combat PPD?
Lots, Jessica. I’ve seen doctors and therapists and a psychiatrist, and I’m on medication. I’ve talked to others in the same situation and I’ve asked my husband to help me when I’m struggling. And it all helps.
Is there any way to get through this without medication? I am breastfeeding and eventually want to have another baby so I don’t want to be on meds. I just need help. Do other methods work?
Sheena, the answer is that it depends. Some milder forms of PPD can be treated without medications with things like, talk therapy, exercise, vitamins, etc, but some women need medication to get better. Many women will try alternative treatments for awhile to see how they work, and then they are better able to decide if medications are indeed necessary. There are medications that are safe for breastfeeding and pregnancy.
Sheena, I know how you feel. I avoided meds for the same reasons but I think it hurt me (a lot) in the long run. In the end, I went on medication after I stopped nursing my first, and stayed on it through my 2nd pregnancy and breastfeeding (to 19 months). I was so much better for me (and for my family too, I think). I know not everyone is comfortable, but there are meds that are safe, so do consider it.
I tried b12 sublingual tablets and also the drops (very fast acting bio available form). The pharmacist said she uses it herself and recommends it to anyone for mood disorders and would work within a few days. I noticed within a week that I was not suddenly snapping and raging at my sons, as usual. Give it a go 🙂
if that doesn’t work try rhodiola, a natural adaptogenic herb (google for more info).
all the best for returning to your old lovely self 🙂
Tonight was horrifying. My wife and I had our third child four weeks ago today. I’ve stayed home on personal leave since the begining of December, but must return to work this Monday.
My wife has said often during the last week that I’m not cutout to be at home. I’m doing my best, but I do get frustrated with my 4.5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. However, I am helping whoever I can during this bug transition.
My daughter went out with my wife today to do some shopping and take a break, but apparently my girl had a tantrum in a store over not getting a toy she wanted. My daughter has been especially whiny the past two months and it grates on my wife’s nerves something terrible. Today this led to several smacks in the bottom once they wee back in the car. My wife called me to tell me she was dropping off my ungrateful bitch and she would be my problem. I said little and told her I would deal with it.
Later my wife tells me that she can’t go in with my daughter acting his way. It HAD TO STOP!
The remainder of the evening seemed ok until bedtime. I was responsible for getting my kids to bed, and my daughter was not taking “no” for an answer on an issue that didn’t need to be a big deal. She yelled at me and told me she was going to do what she wanted. Just then my wife stormed in from our bedroom where she has need feeding out newborn. She grabbed my daughter by the leg and arm and thee her in to bed. She began spanking hard her exposed legs and backside.
She proceeded to yell at my daughter and say horrible things. She then grabbed her around the head with her hands and got in her face to tell he she wa going to drive my daughter out the road and kill her. “life would be better then.” My wife been mock laughing at me while I died to calm her down. She said no – I can’t stand this little bitch anymore. Let’s do it! Let’s kill her and bury her. No one will know!
She’s proceeded to yell in front of my 3 year old who came in the room to protect his user as well. “I don’t want you anymore. You can’t live here anymore!” “Your brothers don’t deserve this.”
When it was finally over my daughter was sobbing and terrified. I felt like I was on another planet. Later I tried to talk to her about rage I hadn’t seen before and maybe it was PPD. She mocked me and said that it was my fault and my daughters fault for being such brats all the time. It was genetic and my mother’so fault as well. She has reached a snapping point and the only people to blame were my daughter and me. She said that she will kill my daughter if she continues like this. She said it very calmly to me and it freaked me out. She said she didnt need help, but we had to send our daughter away somewhere.
I know my wife. She is stubborn. And I just don’t know what to do right now.
Oh, Dan. What a heartbreaking story. It sounds a lot to me like rage induced by postpartum depression.
Can you start by having a conversation when she is calm and the older kids aren’t around? Be honest – tell her that her reactions are scaring you and that they are very out of character for her. Maybe sit down with her and ask her to read this post and tell her what she’s feeling is quite common but is something that needs to be addressed. If you can be calm and talk about her well-being she might be more receptive.
I’m sure you must be panicking with having to go back to work on Monday. If the situation really concerns you, I urge you to find some way to make sure she isn’t alone with the kids. Is there a family member or friend who could be brought into confidence and asked to help?
Please keep us updated. This is a horrible situation but it can be overcome.
that’s so tough when the mum/wife doesn’t acknowledge she has a problem. Since this is the case, you need to give her a reality check and that you mean business- that you will seek help for her, together as a team, and that you won’t tolerate death threats or violence against your daughter. if mum wont/cant be the protective nurturing parent she should instinctively be then you need to take a stand for her and your daughter. be the protective leader of your household. if anything does happen, some laws could state you didnt protect your daughter enough.
all the best..seek professional advice too your wife is getting violent both verbally and physically so as the “sane” straight thinking parent/spouse, it’s time to lead your family to a safe place. all the very best. becka is right that the cure is different for every one but its essential to find what helps (for me, antidepressants calmed me down wonderfully-not sure how safe if breastfeeding. otherwise, what helps me now are b12 drops and tablets -might help you stay calm with your toddlers too! -, and bio identical hormones-eg women lose a large amount of progesterone when the placenta comes out and this particular hormone is a calming hormone. I rage at everyone if I stop taking it! if I stop testosterone I feel very lethargic and depressed). talk therapy didnt help me. good luck again! !
Your post made me so sad. I am sure that you know that your wife loves her daughter, but it sounds like she is having it just PPD, but maybe psychosis. In the long run. She will be grateful for your help. She is NOT able to get the help herself right now because of her state of mind. Please get help for her. I hope she has gotten help by now and you are all well. I will never forget your story. Thanks for posting it.
I meant ‘not just PPD’.
I never had a lick of postpartum depression, but I did have the RAGE. It hit when I least expected it, then quickly evaporated. I recognized that it was not a usual reaction for my laid back personality. It was scary just how angry I got over stupid things. I could only attribute it to the hormonal changes during that year of my life. It lasted about 6 months and occurred once or twice a month. My baby boy is 30 years old now and this is the first article I’ve ever seen on the subject.
How do you explain to a doctor bc I definitely feel this way after my 3rd child she’s 7 months now and it’s still not getting better
This was me while pregnant. I was so angry and simply couldn’t control it. I still have yet to hear of another woman who had that experience. After my son was born, the rage shifted more towards the PPD/PPA that would consume my existence for the next two years. The rage became less pronounced, but never went away. It was always there, waiting to lash out and make itself known.
Any advice for approaching someone in your family with anger fueled PPD? This person had some health issues after birth and I think this has contributed, as well as some other big changes in life otherwise. I heard about a reaction to a situation, which I knew to be out of the ordinary, so I emailed to offer some support and it was thrown back in my face. Guts of what is said was ‘be kind to yourself’ and to recognise she’d been through some huge changes. I never mentioned PPD (I honestly didn’t think this at the time) and I was told she didn’t have PPD (her reference) and that people shouldn’t give unsolicited advice, and she would talk to those who knew her if she wanted help. I’ve not mentioned it since but continue to contact this person on occasion. Answers are short and a bare minimum.
Recently I heard a report from some family members that she is incredibly angry, and has too much time to sit and think about how much she hates the world. I’m concerned about her baby and partner in all this, but she’s made it clear to me not to get involved.
How do I get her to recognise these feelings aren’t normal? My guess is her closest ally (not her partner, but another family member) is fuelling these feelings and not suggesting she gets help.
BobbyJ, I’m sorry you’re all going through this. It’s so hard to know what to do when someone is angry and defensive. Unfortunately, unless it becomes a concern that she is a danger to herself or anyone else, she can’t be forced to get help. I hope in time her symptoms will improve, but if it is PPD, that is most often only possible with help. The only thing you can do is lend unconditional support to let her know you are there for her, even if her responses are short. Keeping in touch at a distance will keep the door open if she gets to a place where she wants to talk. You are also communicating with people who are in more regular contact with her, it sounds like, and this will be good for simply knowing what is going on and working together on supporting her. One of the greatest gifts a family can give is childcare, so a mom can get much-needed breaks. These breaks can help her get a breather and take some of the pressure off, which can often help the anger and frustration. I know these answers don’t feel like enough, but unfortunately this is an illness that often keeps mamas stuck. I will be hoping with you that she becomes open to getting help.
I had ppd-psychosis w/anxiety, obsessive thoughts, etc. It was bad. I didn’t realize the rage until I started experiencing pregnancy rage now, w/my 3rd pregnancy. And I didn’t know that’s what it was till I saw an interview w/a celebrity who was talking about it and it just hit me. You have this! I’m not surprised, after the post partum issues and being on Zoloft during my 2d pregnancy for anxiety. In not on Zoloft this time, waiting, but I think I may need to be for the delivery. I’m too afraid this pregnancy rage will escalate into ppd/rage, etc. And I have 2 lil ones who’ve suffered enough. Oh, pregnancy-how hard you are on me. Praying for everyone who may experience any of these things. Just know, you are NOT alone. I felt like I was going crazy after my first baby was born, and I sought help. And my doctor was so understanding and helpful. Ask for help! It’s there and you owe it to yourself and your baby! They will not try to take your baby. It’s the last thing they want for you and your child. If you get no where w/your OB seek another opinion and another till someone offers you the help you need. And antidepressants work, May be tricky at first but stick with it, try another one of you have to, and ask for help as much as possible. Many blessings, friends.
I’m having a very difficult time with this right now. I don’t know what to do. Thank you, everyone, for showing me I’m not alone. Peace and healing to you all ♡
I’m sitting in my car at 12am. So angry and hurt. I had an ‘episode’ of anxiety over not having childcare set up for my oldest son during my new baby’s appointment. My husband got angry at me and told me he’d just take the time off work tomorrow (an option I was trying to avoid for obvious reasons) he yelled and told me I needed to sleep- he normally never yells. So… it made it worse and I stopped downstairs and bawled my eyes out for half an hour. I was waiting for him to come and hug me and tell me it was going to be okay but he never did. An hour has gone by and he had just fallen asleep. Fell asleep knowing I was downstairs with PPD crying alone and going through the hardest season of my life since we’ve been married.
I hate this illness. I hate how it takes over my thoughts and spirals my emotions out of control. I hate the fear or not knowing if it will end and not knowing when it’s going to hit me during the day or evening. I hate feeling alone. Thanks for writing this. I needed to read it sitting here in my car trying to build up the strength to go back inside.
Kathleen, I’m so sorry, mama. It’s so hard. But I promise you it will get better if you keep reaching out for help. I know it was a rough night, with your husband. You are right, this illness is so hard on relationships and it’s so unfair. But it is not hopeless. Today is a new day. Deep breaths. Maybe call someone you trust to speak your truths out loud. So often that is so freeing. It’s going to be okay, mama. You are more brave than you will ever know!
I am in tears reading this. My poor 3 year old gets the brunt of it. The guilt and shame suck. I am 13 days postpartum and planning to call the doctor…
I’m 7 weeks pp and I feel such a deep rage. Always lurking just under the surface. Never towards my baby. Always towards my husband. Sometimes I feel like I hate him. I feel like I want to scream and punch things. I have never been a zen person but I was never like this. I feel crazy and awful and guilty. I don’t think about hurting myself or my baby. One second I seem fine then the next I’m furious. I slam things and say bad stuff. Then I seclude myself and hate that I’m so awful. My six week pp visit they gave me a test to check for PPD but it never asked about rage.
Well, rage is certainly often a part of PPD. It really should be on any questionnaire about PPD/PPA, etc. I always felt like my rage/frustration/impatience were bubbling up because of anxiety. I had severe PPA and PPD. They can go hand in hand, for sure. It would be really good for you to talk with someone who specializes in Postpartum mental health. You are NOT alone, and I know you feel so bad when you get this way, but it’s NOT your fault. Please believe that. I’m sending you peace. Here is a list of specialists by location. If you don’t find anyone near you, feel free to email me and I can help you find the right help. email@example.com
Hi I don’t have pp rage but I’m pretty sure my now estranged wife has it, During the 3rd trimester she fell out with all of my family & would call them to me every single day. I just thought it was hormones & that it would settle down. Then she fell out with her best friend saying that her friend didn’t care that she was pregnant. I just kept on agreeing & trying to be supportive. She soon turned on me… After the birth we came home & anything / everything I did was wrong. She said that I’d changed & constantly put me down everyday (name calling/ grabbing our daughter from me & telling me to go away). It got that unbearable that I began to question myself & begin to think that I was a bad Dad/ Person. I was very depressed & went to get help from the doctor… I was given anti-depressants & cbt therapy as I was arguing with my wife a lot. After our daughters first xmas (6 months old) she found my notes from cbt about what makes me angry…. She hit the roof & hit me 7 times, I had to run off down the street in my underpants to get away. After this she said that her love for me was dead & she wanted a divorce. She threw me out & I had to live at parents for 6 months. I was seeing our Daughter Once a week for an hour, I tried endlessly to try to get through to her & tell her how much our family means to me but she didn’t want to try. Every time I mentioned our marriage or reconciling she went absolutely mad & caused a scene in public. Then she fell out with her parents & wanted to reconcile but the way she spoke to me I thought she was blaming me for the fallout. She accused me of trying to kidnap our daughter when we were in the park ( I went to put a coffee cup in the bin) She stopped me from seeing my Daughter & would reply to txts or answer the phone. She moved out into a council house & I don’t know where she’s gone. None of my family or her family have seen my Daughter for 5 months now. I am currently going through court process to see her, my wife states that I’ve done this just to be spiteful… When all I would like now is to be a Dad. She’s in total denial that there’s anything wrong with her, She was prescribed medication but wouldn’t take it.
Anyways after being separated for 8 months I’ve been told she is in a relationship with another man & been abroad on holiday with him.
When in court she used the fact that I was depressed against me & said that i’m not fit to be a dad… She also said that because I’ve not seen my Daughter that she doesn’t know me & I will have to go to a contact centre to see her. But it’s ok for her new man to spend time with our Daughter.
I still really love my wife, but i’m fighting a losing battle with her.
I’m only fighting to see My Daughter now but it’s taking so long i’m heartbroken.
I feel for you, dad. I can sense how deeply devoted you are to your daughter, and even to your wife despite all of this. I wish there was an easy answer for you. When someone refuses help, there isn’t much that can be done unless they are a danger to themselves or others. You are doing the right thing in fighting to see your daughter. Perhaps there are family or friends that can speak on your behalf in court? I know that’s so hard for people to do when they care about the person suffering from mental illness, as she seems to be. You can completely educate yourself on postpartum mental health so you better understand what’s happening. This is common, for this to happen to relationships during this awful struggle. Unfortunately, this tends to get worse when left untreated. I sure wish I could fix it for you all.
Your site is very helpful, thanks for your comment. I just wish there was a forum for other dad’s going through this, As I now realise that its a lot more common than people realise. When my wife had the ppd test it was all about bonding with our daughter & not about anger. Dads need to know what to look for. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
My girlfriend after giving birth change so badly that I start to hate her. I love her so much but she has changed. She became aggressive and abusive. She don’t see what she is doing. She trying to make me guilty about all her behaviour. I feel powerless and tired. I really don’t know what to do. Each day become worse than before. How I can help her if she don’t see the problem? How I can be with her if she hurt me physically and mentally? What I can doo?
Michal, I wish I had an answer that could help you all. This isn’t your fault and it isn’t her fault, it’s an illness. If she refuses to get help, there isn’t a lot you can do unless she is a danger to herself or others. If she thinks there is nothing wrong, it’s so hard to get the right help. I’m so sorry you are all going through this. Please keep trying to gently bring up the topic of getting help. There’s an obvious change in your relationship, and maybe if you focus on that, as in, “it seems like we’re struggling so much more and I love you, so let’s go get help together. You don’t have to blame her or come across like you’re telling her she’s crazy. It’s best to approach it in therapy together so there is another professional perspective there. Just some ideas. I’m sending peace to you and yours.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 10.5 month old and I just feel angry all the time. One minute I’m fine and the next something just sets me on fire and the rage is unbearable. I hate myself. How do I fix me??
Omg. I’ve been wondering WHAT IN THE WORLD is wrong with me?!?! I get EXTREMELY outraged, honestly, for no reason. I swear, I don’t know why I just get so angry so quickly; how the tiniest thing can infuriate me. Honestly, the tiny things that do aren’t even typically that stressful! I’ll even cry and don’t know why, in an angry fit. I cry also because I cry and don’t know why. Then I just get angrier. So many times, I can’t be sensible and just simply reason with a simple, easily-fixable situation. I just had my baby girl 4 days ago. I swear, I do NOTTT get angry with HER. I absolutely adore her. But one example is, I finally got the hang of breastfeeding her; something I’m cherishing and wanted so badly. I lost the ONLY nipple shield I had this morning. I can’t breastfeed without it. I became infuriated because I WANTED TO BREASTFEED HER, NOT give her a bottle! I also don’t have a breast pump right now that works properly so I can pump just a little more out when my breasts get overfilled and she’s already been done nursing and hasn’t drained them to the point I don’t feel pain. Fact is, I already knew I can just go buy another pump and some breast shields here shortly. But it still infuriates me to no end that it can’t be done right this very minute. I HATED that I had to give my daughter a bottle in the meantime.
I needed to hear this today. I’m flying off at the handle constantly. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m supposed to be the adult but I’m less mature than my 2.5 year old. I don’t have access to doctors who can treat this but I’m going to look into meds. I have to do something!
Thank you so much for sharing. I thought i was the only one because perhaps the other mommies I know don’t share my background. I have been diagnosed with depression about 5 years back and my little one is 2 months old. I stopped the medication correctly and started exercising and boom- pregnant! Ever since the baby was born I experience manic episodes following exhaustion, and when hubby hasn’t been helpful or jokes a little too much I almost black out! I am currently awaiting my obgyn’s prescription for Wellbutrin to be sent to the pharmacy and I cannot wait to be able to self soothe again. It’s not easy and I know my battle with depression will not go away, but to be able to just control myself is truly a blessing.
I needed to read this, I have been struggling with almost this exact same feeling, it started after having my son, and it’s progressively gotten worse to the point I know my husband dreads having to deal with me. My son is almost two and I’ve never seeked help for it but thinking of talking to my doctor to try and figure this out, did you talk to your regular doctor or your female doctor? Thank you for this post I’m glad to know I am not alone! ❤️
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I usually do have a temper anyway but what I have been experiencing is absolute full blown rage over everything. I have 3 kids, the oldest is 7 with severe ADHD and the youngest 2 are 15 months apart at 2 years old and 10 months old. After having my youngest I dropped low into depression and was a mess and figured out finally what was going on and called my OB. I was put on Lexapro and wow did I bounce back fast and amazingly. But after 6 months the lexapro stopped working and even after an increase doesn’t seem to be working at all. Rage is what we have now. Thank you again for opening up and making me feel like I am not a horrid horrid person.
I’m with you. I got more and more mad. Everything set me off. I felt like the hulk. And no one wants to be around the hulk. So I was lonely too. Took it out on my husband. Men don’t bounce back as quick as women and it put him into a depression. My daughter was about 13 months old and it lasted all summer and into the winter. I got sick and I think that reset my body. I’m making a slow comeback but my rage. Is not gone but he doesn’t live inside me 24/7 like before
This has helped me so much! I am not an angry person but since my girls where born I seem very irritated and angry all the time and the worst is that anything sets it off. Even stubbing my toe on the corner of the couch! I have 14 month old twin girls. They are my first children and no one told me how difficult it would be. I get angry very quickly and say things that I do not mean. My husband and I fight all the time and because I cannot tell him why I am acting the way I do it is putting a massive strain on our relationship! The fact that they do not sleep well doesn’t help! I also feel too embarrassed to talk about my feeling with the people closest to me. Thank you for sharing this. I will show this to my husband and hopefully he will now understand what is going on!
Yup. This is me. Every single thing gets to me. I’m constantly angry/raging at my husband. Sometimes silently. Most times not. I yell and throw things (I never throw things) and shout at the dog.. a lot. I’m miserable, I feel like a failure and I feel like a terrible human being. Today I yelled at my 9 month old to shut up for the first time. She’s my world! But I yelled at her because she won’t not stop crying and whining for being in the car seat. She hates the car seat. I feel shackled, sad, defeated, ashamed and just down all the time. I’m suppose to enjoy motherhood. I’m suppose to be that one person who can look at any terrible situation and see the light. In this, I can’t. I feel tricked and trapped and an imposter. Everyone thinks I’m doing well. But I’m not. Not at all. I want so desperately to do well. But I can’t will this anger/rage/feeling away!