I had the opportunity this weekend to retell the story of my experience with postpartum depression/OCD. Even though it has been six years, it astounded me how the feelings rise up and bubble over — it surprised me that I cried. I guess it just goes to show what an intense and indelible experience PPD is for everyone who goes through it. It also served to remind me how different I am today than I was during those dark hours.
I am so unbelievably happy to be a mom. It is truly the best job I’ve ever had or will have. My children are my oxygen. Is it easy every day? Of course not. When my 20-month old decides to remove her diaper and spread its contents around her crib, I pray for mercy. When they throw tantrums in public, I want to tell onlookers that they don’t belong to me. But then my funny little six-year-old tells me "Mom, just five more gallons and I’ll be as tall as you", and I feel like the luckiest, happiest person in the world.
For those of you reading this who are going through postpartum depression right now I hope you can find some hope in that. I went from being someone who thought I never should have been a mother, to being someone who delights in motherhood. You will too.
This vignette is succinct and packed with organic authenticity–and I can SO relate. Thank you for sharing this experience and these words of hope.
That is so true – perfect really. It's been 6+ yrs. for me as well and in my darkest days, I NEVER thought I would actually ENJOY motherhood, now I can't imagine my life without my children. Thanks for sharing this & I truly hope anyone who is reading this and is in a dark place, please believe it DOES get better!
Hello, I had a baby boy 6 months ago and went through a horrible PPD for about 4 months, and am still struggling with depression and panic/anxiety at times. I had to get on antidepressants, because I was definitely getting worse–almost to the point that my OB/GYN wanted to hospitalize me. Today, I do feel better, but still struggle alot, as I mentioned above. I almost feel like the meds are working less and I am going backwards at times. Anyone have any advice???