Some fellow Warrior Moms have been exploring two topics recently that are very top of mind for women who have perinatal mood and anxiety disorders: breastfeeding and the issue of whether to have another child after postpartum depression.
Alexis Lesa at depressionsandconfessions wrote about the whole tired, annoying breastfeeding versus bottle thing. As many of you know, I formula fed because I had so much trouble and anxiety around breastfeeding and because I was on meds. I REALLY do not have patience with anyone who wants to try and make me feel bad about that. Neither does Alexis.
“i won’t try to make you use disposable diapers or roll my eyes because you use cloth, and you don’t eviscerate me for giving my kids formula. i think that’s a good compromise. if you have an opinion about something, fine, preach it. that’s what blogging is all about, making your opinions known. but try not to make me out to be a devil-worshipping serial killer for choosing a lifestyle you disagree with. i love my kids with a fierceness i’m sure you understand, because you love your kids like that, too.”
I wanted to breastfeed. I needed to breastfeed. Raised by a breastfeeding mother, having read every study and book out there, I was hellbent on giving my baby the very best start in life.
And two weeks into it, I was still not getting it right. I was following what I now know was bad advice in the hospital — studies have now shown just how poorly educated maternity ward nurses are on the whole about breastfeeding — getting up every two hours to wake my baby to eat, and every other hour to pump to up my production.
Like Howard, I was getting no sleep because there was no time.
And so I sunk into the numbness that is postpartum depression.
I refused to leave my house except for my daughter’s follow-up visit to the pediatrician and my follow-up visit to the OB/GYN.
This is why the breastfeeding wars bother me. Because the power of breast milk is real. But so too is the power of helplessness.”
Me too, Jeanne! ME TOO!
Leigh at Cinderella’s Closet writes about thinking about having another baby 3 years after having gone through postpartum depression.
It’s been THREE years. What if, I wait and wait, wanting to feel ready, and it just never happens, I never do feel ready? What then? I don’t want to plan my whole life around this depression. That thought alone makes me depressed. I want to live, I want to continue on with my life and let the past be past. But it is SO hard. So very hard.
Do we ever feel exactly ready? I remember my mom telling me there is no such thing as the “exact right time” to have a baby. She was right. That doesn’t make it any easier to make the decision. In my case the decision was made for me. I got pregnant unexpectedly and I decided to just trust God that I was meant to have this second baby even though I was terrified of having postpartum OCD again. Now I have Madden, who is such a light in my life.
Grace at Arms Wide Open had a guest blogger on this topic as well. Amanda from the Lungos writes about how she made the decision and what her experience was the second time around.