I have a lot of respect for this dad at The Daddy Files, who admits to everyone on the planet who has access to the internet that he BLEW it when it came to supporting his wife during her postpartum depression:
"… when Will was born, I was so happy. MJ had a really great pregnancy and I knew she'd make a great mom. I was so excited to start our new family and I felt complete for the first time in my life. That's why I was so confused when MJ wanted nothing to do with Will.
I'm not exaggerating either. She was totally emotionless for the first six months of Will's life. She hated breastfeeding. She hated waking up every two hours. She hated being out of work. She even hated me and Will. She used to tell me she wanted to run away and not come back. She said Will and I would be better off without her. Do you know how soul-wrenching it is to listen to the woman you love more than anyone in this world say she doesn't want to be with you and your infant son?
At first I was sad and I tried to help her. But the more I tried to help, the worse it got. Then I just got angry. And when I get angry, I pick a fight. I told her it was horrible not to love your own baby. I told her to snap out of it. I told her she was being an idiot and she should be ashamed of herself. Basically I said all the wrong things. Because, as we've established, I'm an idiot.
It wouldn't be until much later that I truly realized what postpartum depression is and how deeply it can affect everyone. MJ eventually took it upon herself to see a counselor and when she took that initiative, I don't think I've ever been prouder of anyone in my whole life. It took guts to recognize the problem and take proactive steps and that's why I'm convinced I married the smartest and bravest woman in the world."
I have to wonder how many of you are reading this and thinking that's exactly how your husband was when you were sick, or that's how he's being now for those of you in the midst of this. Truth is, they have no idea what to do and no idea how to behave. Some dads have it within them to be incredibly supportive even though they don't understand, while others get angry or withdrawn and may blame, screamor disappear. We need to do a better job of educating all dads on the crucial role they can play to help their entire family recover from PPD or related disorders as quickly as possible and get back to the work of building new and wonderful people out of brand new babies.
For more information about fathers/husbands and postpartum depression from Postpartum Progress, click here. You can also visit the Postpartum Dads Project for stories from other fathers and how they coped with their significant others' PPD. And you can read more here from Postpartum Support International with their Tips for Postpartum Partners.
