Last week I wrote about having a massive anxiety attack — I’m fine now, by the way — and it occurs to me that it might have scared the crap out of some of you. As in, “Wait? The son she had postpartum depression and OCD with is now 10 years old and she’s still having anxiety attacks?!? WE’RE DOOMED!!!!”
No. You’re not doomed. Not at all. I want to make sure I tell you this.
When I was diagnosed with postpartum OCD I learned that I had always had anxiety. My whole life. So even though I recovered from the postpartum illness, I still have anxiety. I still take medication to help with my anxiety. It’s actually controlled quite well and 95% of my days are good. But once or twice a year, on average, I get whacked by an anxiety attack.
My anxiety attacks are sometimes related to motherhood, and sometimes related to my work or other things, and what I want you to know about them is that I get through them. Yes, it’s hell for a day or two, but nothing like the unending daily hell I went through during postpartum OCD from which I thought I’d never recover. Now, I know I’ll be fine in a day or so, and I know the things that I need to do to help myself.
The other thing I want you to know about these attacks is that it shows, in case you didn’t already know, that I’m not perfect. I’m a Warrior Mom, but I’m not perfect and my life is not perfect. Just because I’m on here telling all of you how to survive and that you’ll kick ass one day and I know this because I’m kicking ass doesn’t mean I kick ass ALL OF THE TIME. I don’t. And you don’t have to, either.
It’s okay to feel great one day and not feel so great the next. You’re not expected to be happy happy joy joy every day, even when you’ve recovered from postpartum depression.
I wrote about what happened to me last week because it was the truth. I wouldn’t want to represent my life any other way than with the truth. But I hope it didn’t make you feel like you’d never get better or that you’ll be stuck where you are for eternity. You won’t be. You are getting help (or you will be soon) and working to find the support and tools you need to live a good life and be the good mom that you are.