How did you know you had postpartum depression? What made the light bulb go off in your mind – what symptom was it that convinced you that something was wrong?
Last month in PEOPLE magazine Chrissy Teigen revealed that it was her lack of interest in food that made her realize she had PPD. She explained that she was in the middle of putting together her second cookbook but she wasn’t finding the joy she normally did in creating recipes, cooking for others and even eating.
For me, I kinda feel like I was lucky because I had intrusive thoughts, which are a GLARING sign that something is terribly wrong. They were something I couldn’t ignore or brush off as being part of the new normal as a tired and nervous mom of a new baby. It was obvious I had a serious problem that needed attention. I didn’t know, of course, at the time exactly what it was because I’d never heard of postpartum OCD but at the very least I knew I was going to need some kind of help and it spurred me on to ask for it.
What was your clue? Was it inability to sleep when the baby slept? Crying all the time? Withdrawing from friends and family?
For me it was the months of feeling extremely anxious and insecure doing what were once mundane activities: going to a restaurant, housekeeping, leaving the house… I had gone from being very confident, bubbly and outgoing to feeling a constant weight and inability to cope. And I was angry! I finally decided to look online to see what was wrong with me and discovered it was PPD – but I hadn’t made the connection because I didn’t feel “depressed” – even though I hated my life.
This is such an honest, and helpful read. So many mothers can relate to this, and find comfort in knowing that other women share this experience. PPD can look like many other things, or unlike the “standard” depiction. Open communication helps to increase awareness and understanding.
It was the deep dark looming fear for nighttime to come. I had a “colicky” baby (hate the catch all term for unknown illness) he was actually allergic to protein in milk & lip & tongue tied. We did everything and he still couldn’t latch and couldn’t manage to not scream for hours on end. Every day at around 3pm I would start to feel intense fear and doom about the 4:00-11pm “witching hours.” I would scrub every bottle part, take far too long taking the dogs out, or just find an excuse to be too busy to engage with my husband and baby. It was when a lactation consultant came and it was determined that I had MER (excessive drop in dopamine during letdown of pumping or breastfeeding) that i bawled my eyes out to her. she mentioned i should wean immediately from pumping as my episodes surrounding pumping sessions. prescribed cymbalta, had a severe allergic reaction, and ended up sick with flu and post weaning depression and staying with my parents. it was a living nightmare and the only reason i healed was fighting for my little ones diagnosis and getting help so I could rest my way back to health.