It’s much more difficult to get the proper help and support for postpartum depression than most people recognize, even if you’re someone who works in the healthcare field. Today, Warrior Mom Rebecca S. shares her eight-month struggle to find the right help. Her story is a great example of the obstacles many women face.
Admitting you need help is only the first step in recovering from PPD. Then you need to find appropriate care. I worked amongst medical healthcare providers and professionals, and none of them knew anything about how to support me in finding help. I didn’t know where to turn or have any contacts with mental health providers.
First, I went to my obstetrician and primary care physician to seek help, but neither had the knowledge or initiative to truly assist me. I explained my symptoms and was given a prescription for Zoloft and told it was a “safe” medication to take while breastfeeding, and then sent on my way. No referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist, no resources or follow-up or anything.
I held on to that script for about two months, obsessing about the real “safeness” of the PPD medication for me and my baby. I didn’t want to take medications myself, much less breastfeed my baby with those medications. I felt guilty for even thinking of switching my baby to formula, so I kept breastfeeding and kept suffering.
My postpartum depression and anxiety only got worse as time passed, so I finally filled the script, stopped breastfeeding and fell into an even deeper depression. The medication made me dizzy; I couldn’t concentrate and had trouble reading. My panic attacks became worse and more frequent. My daughter did fine with formula, but I was filled with guilt for “failing” as a mother.
After another visit to my obstetrician’s office to tell them about the ineffectiveness of my medication, I was told to find a psychologist and handed a doctor’s note. After giving the note to my manager at work, she jokingly made fun of me and told me to exercise more and take vitamins. Needless to say, I felt betrayed. I went through the chain of command to notify the company that I had been harassed, but I was pushed aside and nothing was done.
I finally got an appointment with a psychologist after searching for what felt like an eternity. The psychologist was nice, but it was just a “get to know you” of sorts and then I found out she could not prescribe medication for PPD. I felt so stupid. How could I not know this?! I was working in a hospital business office assisting other people with their medical problems daily, but I didn’t know how to help myself when it came to my own mental health.
My search for a psychiatrist who did prescribe medication left me with another list of problems: wrong phone numbers, three-month waiting periods, docs who were not accepting new patients, docs who were no longer accepting my insurance, people out on vacation, or new appointments only available at certain times and across town. This meant I had to ask for additional time off work, and be harassed by my boss even more.
I chose to suffer in silence because I didn’t want any more judgment from my boss, co-workers or friends. They just didn’t understand. I stopped returning calls and texts and fell off of the social media circuit. I was isolating myself as a coping mechanism. On what turned out to be my last day at work, I had the worst panic attack of my life – shortness of breath, chest pain, facial and arm numbness, etc. Two co-workers found me in the hall. Our employee health nurse was out, so instead of taking me to the ER they took me to Human Resources and I was sent home.
When I arrived home where my mom was taking care of my daughter, she knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. I started screaming, “I can’t do this anymore! I go out of my way to help people every single day, but no one wants to help me! Just kill me already!”
I guess those were the magic words. I was checked into a women’s specialty psychiatric facility immediately. I stayed there for about a week, and did some intense therapy, which I believe saved my life. I missed my baby’s first steps and Easter, but I was able to see her every day during visitation. I left with follow-up appointments, resources, and a schedule for an intensive outpatient program, where I was closely monitored for the next several months by many providers.
I never knew seeking help for postpartum depression would be so hard especially when I was working for a “great” healthcare company, but it was. It took me eight months to get the care I needed. It was a struggle for me, but I hope reading my story will help prevent other moms from wandering lost in the dark. If you or someone you love is suffering, ask for help. If no one listens, SCREAM for help. It’s out there.
Editor’s Note: If you’re looking for a postpartum depression treatment specialist, click the link for our list of resources.
Photo credit: © Rafael Ben-Ari – Fotolia.com
Sounds about right. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Having been in a similar situation, I’m so sorry that anyone has to have these experiences.
Oh Rebecca my heart aches for what you had to go through! I hope you are well on your way to good health. I struggled too with finding the right help. It astounds me how no one seemed concerned about a new mom who totally wasn’t functioning. Suggesting waiting weeks or months for an appointment is not safe! I was told by a public mental health care professional to just change my diet too. Ridiculous. Anyways, thanks for sharing your story and blessings on your journey.
My husband is a physician (anesthesiologist), and I faced the same issues as you did. (I’m working on an article on the topic for this blog.) I’m glad you were able to get help with your statement of wanting to kill yourself. It took me almost six weeks to finally get admitted (b/c every time I presented to the ER, I wasn’t suicidal **at that moment**).
I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling better, and thanks so much for sharing your story!
Be grateful you were able to see your child during your hospitalization. Through my four hospitalizations (totaling a month), I was never allowed to see my child nor offered the opportunity.
It makes me so sad that it’s so hard to find help. I’m glad your mom was there for you when you hit that point and you were able to finally get what you needed. I applaud your willingness to share and am thankful that you are using your story to reach other to others! Keep up the good work!
I could have written this. My break down happened 11 months ago and i was sent everywhere but the right places for 7 months. Each day suffering and wanting to die.It was only after i also screamed at my carers that i found my own help with a psychiatrist that deals with PPD. I have been under her care for the past 4 months and its only since then that i have seen some improvement. It makes me so angry that there are not enought people out there who understand PPD and we are forced to live in pain. We are the ones confused at what is happening to us. We are the ones who need the professionals to step in and take over. I am so glad so many mammas are speaking up now. I know i wont be quite. I am still fighting my way through the darkness but i finally have some hope.
I can completely relate to this. God Bless you for telling your story. Although my OB was very helpful in setting me up with a psychiatrist, the wait time was 6+ weeks to see him. I told my OB that I wouldn’t live that long. I honestly thought I was dying.
It seems that the only way to get anyone to pay attention to you is if you feel like you will hurt yourself or someone else – – Otherwise, you are on the bottom of the pile with everyone else.
I really couldn’t understand why no one could help me. I have good insurance, I have money…. Please, TAKE MY MONEY TO HELP ME GET BETTER…. nothing.
I am so grateful to my family for doing the best they could with what they had. And I am grateful to my local hospital for recently starting a PPD support group (It was too late for me, but I do attend and help other Moms in my area). I don’t know if they realize it, but that one little program makes a huge impact on womens’ lives
I was fortunate that it only took me 2 months to get the care I needed… but I definitely had to scream too. It is such a crime! Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. I am very happy and blessed to say that I am well, and rebuilding a new life for my family. I am so greatful to Katherine for allowing me to share a small portion of my road to recovery. Take care. <3
i had a similar experience…it took me 3 months to find proper help after many appointments and phone calls…all while caring for my baby and 4 year old. my only support was my grandmother, by fiance was helpful with the baby, but didn’t understand ppd enough to really be a support, or take me seriously when i said i couldn’t take it anymore. by the time i found help i was suicidal and hospitalized immediately. i also worked in the healthcare field for years…at planned parenthood!! i am educated, had many resources, and this was my second time having ppd…and it still took sooo long!!! imagine if i had no clue where to start, if i didin’t know what i had, or had not health insurance!! i probably would have ended up killing myself. my baby is not 17 months old and i am still in treatment, doing much much better. i am so thankful everyday for the treatment i am receiving that saved my life…it should not be this hard!!!! i say to all those who can’t find help and are at their wits end….if you are in crisis, place your baby with a trusted loved one and check yourself in to a hospital!!! it sounds harsh…but it’s better to be in a safe place than to hurt yourself or others…..and you will get better….there is a way out..i promise. thank you to all of the women who share their stories on here, you have been so helpful to me. you have relieved some of my guilt and made me realize that i am not a monster and i am not alone.