I don’t have near enough pictures of my son in his first year of life. I threw so many of them away.
I can’t quite put my finger on why I did that. I think it’s because they didn’t look perfect enough. Or maybe it was becauseI didn’t want to be reminded of that time or how I felt. I didn’t want a record of the nightmare.
It really bugs the crap out of me, as I would now love to be able to look back and see his progress every single month of his first year. And I can’t because my postpartum OCD robbed me of the desire to track that time the way other mothers do.
Don’t throw your pictures away, no matter how bad you feel. Someday you won’t feel like that anymore. You really won’t.
I have always told my husband that I do not have any pictures of me and my son. Tons of pictures of him with the baby, and with the baby and other family members, but hardly any of me and the baby. This has always really bothered me.
Dear Katherine and Darlene,
Thank you both for being so brave and willing to share this piece of your painful experience. It really serves as a reminder to me, and other clinicians, to bring this to the attention of our patients. Katherine, as I'm sure you know, the legacy of your son's first year, lies in the work you do today. Thank you.