Apparently Thanksgiving is a time to write openly about postpartum depression in the blogosphere. I was surprised to see such an uptick in stories from women who have gone through it or are currently. I suppose it's because going through such a dark place focuses you like a laser on what you have to bethankful for. Anyway, I wanted to share some highlights from some of the posts I liked. I encourage you to go read them in full.

From Emily at Medicated in Minnesota:

As a mother who went through post-partum depression, the guilt not only starts at the onset of depression and hospitalization, but the guilt continues on and on. I am here, 2 years post birth and I still feel guilty about a lot of things that I did in the beginning. For locking myself out of the house, for forgetting to strap her into her carseat when going to the grocery store, for not solely breastfeeding… The list could go on and on!

From Theresa at No Place Like Home in a revealing post on her postpartum depression experience entitled "Full Disclosure":

"Ifantasized about breaking things, throwing plates and smashing glasses. I had a dark well of anxiety that was now installed in my chest. Liliane was learning how to eat solids and dinner time became a high point of stress for me when she wouldn’t eat and I couldn’t figure out what to give her. Much howling ensued.

June 23, 2008 was the first time I imagined shaking my tiny daughter to make her stop screaming. It was dinnertime, Liliane was yowling and Stéphane had just gotten home. When that violent and horrible image came to me, I cracked and left the house. But not before slamming the cupboard door and the front door as hard as I could bringing sweet, guilty relief for a moment followed by remorse and stinging tears. I wandered around our neighbourhood sobbing, terrified for myself, for what I thought I could do.

I desperately wanted our OLD life back. The one where I knew what I was doing, where I had fun, where I could experience joy. I sat in a little park not far from home and let the tears flow, not caring who saw."

From Molly at My Family Compass, who is a Warrior Mom, too:

"I am exhausted from warding off postpartum depression. Every day I get out of bed, sword drawn, ready to slay the dragon of depression. I fight it off with great energy in the morning, but when darkness falls, the dragon is pretty much singeing my eyebrows with his breath. (If you’re wondering about the whole dragon thing… I like making myself sound like a medieval warrior fighting fantastical beasts rather than a stressed out, sleep deprived new mom with a mental illness. It’s just a thing I do.)"

And finally, from Stacey at Up on Lavender Hill, who had PPD in the past but is having a great experience this time around:

"With Nora Beth, I was in a really dark spot. I had some problems with postpartum depression. I kept up a good false front, but inside I was sinking into a dark hole. When I reached out for help, I felt brushed under the carpet. I felt like I was treated as 'there is no way the doula could be having problems, she is supposed to know how to make it better.' It did not help that Nora Beth made constant noise (read SCREAMED) for the first two years. I had this perfect little girl and yet, this dark hole was all consuming for me. I threw myself into my work. In some sick way, I felt that if I could make it better for another mom, then I could heal myself."

I appreciate their words and their bravery.