Tomorrow my son will be ten. 10! I can’t believe it has now been ten years since my glorious boy was born, and approximately nine years since I had postpartum depression, or to be more precise, postpartum OCD.
Ten years ago I was a mess. I thought my son would never love me. I thought I’d end up being taken away and locked up somewhere and not be his mother for long. I thought that would be a good thing, if I wasn’t his mother for long, because I thought he deserved much better than me.
Now I see how he loves me. Adores me, even. We are very close. This is such a gift to me, given my fears back then. That I had ruined him.
I am a good mom and he is a good boy.
He wasn’t ruined by postpartum depression. He isn’t ruined. He’s great. He’s very healthy. He’s witty, does great in school and is wonderfully kind. He’s cute, and thoughtful, and last night we laughed and laughed as he tried to complete his first clarinet lesson and ending up mainly honking out painful notes.
I’m so glad I’m his mom. and that I was so wrong about myself and my ability to mother those ten long years go.
Love conquers all.
You rock.
Happy Birthday to your son and Happy 10th Mamaversary to you!
lots of love to all of you.
-lauren
Ahhhhh….. What an important Day it is for you all tomorrow! You and your kiddo did it together 🙂
Much love to you both.
Thanks ladies!
Made me cry! Noah is 5 and he also ADORES me. He tells me 15 times a day that he loves me. I remember the grief of feeling like I had ruined our bond with my illness and my constant anxiety and depression and anger and… well, you know. Especially not being diagnosed for many, many months. I hope your post gives women HOPE to know that their children aren't ruined by their illness. I would never choose it, but I would dare say it even somehow has made my bond with my son even sweeter.
Wish I could see you in Seattle!! Still may try to swing an overnight somehow!
How did you get rid of the PPOCD after only a year? My baby is 27 months now. I think it never actually goes away, you just have to learn to ignore it.