I haven’t had postpartum OCD since 2001/02. The further away you get from these experiences, I’m very happy to say, the easier it gets. I rarely if ever feel the heavy heart. I don’t look over my shoulder wondering when the hell is going to show up again. I still suffer from anxiety, but for me it’s a much lower level of hell than postpartum OCD.
Today, though, I read a post that brought me back. I felt immense sadness reading it, only because for a moment I could feel what it felt like in the midst of postpartum OCD. The fear. Those intrusive thoughts, which are one of the worst things your brain can serve up.
I never knew the wheels could fall off of my brain. It felt like I was swerving wildly through space and I couldn’t stop myself and I knew any minute I’d hit something sharp and lethal and my whole life would be over.
Jen at Tranquilmama has shared her own story of postpartum OCD this week: Horror Show in My Mind: Intrusive Thoughts. I wanted to link to it here, for those of you who may be looking to find someone else who has been through what you have. Or are right this moment. Please know that it may be a trigger for some of you.
Jen’s story has a happy ending. Mine did too. Postpartum OCD and the scary, awful intrusive thoughts that accompany it are temporary and treatable with professional help. You don’t have to accept living with these thoughts in your head.
If you’re wondering whether you have the symptoms of postpartum OCD or anxiety, click the link and scroll down to the second half of the post. You might also find these stories helpful: