I want to highlight an interesting comment on Postpartum Progress this weekend from a reader responding to a news story I posted a while back about a woman in Iowa who killed her baby and then herself:
"How can these stories not cripple and terrify the many women on this site currently experiencing perinatal mood disorders? This is probably the most difficult part of the illness … hearing these stories and believing you are insane and have no control over your actions. Why doesn’t anyone make any posts about dealing with these feelings?? How can you ever start to bond with your baby while getting treatment if you hear these stories and believe they are about you???"
What an excellent comment. I tried to email the reader back but my response was undeliverable, which really bums me out, because I wanted to be able to talk to her in person and offer my support.
I struggle with this as well. I don’t want to upset the readers of Postpartum Progress. I know exactly how it feels to be so vulnerable and confused and afraid of yourself. And it is true that stories of infanticide can make you feel worse because you’re so worried that you’re capable of doing the same. What women need to do in this case is reach out. Talk to your doctor about your concerns and your fears. Listen to what they say. Treatment at the hands of professionals is the answer. If your trained therapist and/or psychiatrist is concerned that you are at risk of harming yourself or someone else, they will hospitalize you and help you stabilize. If they aren’t concerned, they’ll tell you. You’ll still be afraid, of course, because that is part of our illness. The truth is, even if you didn’t read or hear scary stories in the media, you’d still be afraid of what you might do.
I feel that we’re victimized by the fact that people gloss over perinatal mood disorders as though women can’t handle the truth. As if it’s just too touchy a subject. I’d rather err on the side of being completely truthful than pretending bad things don’t happen.
I made the decision to tell the stories, although I try to leave out the scary details. I tell them because they are the truth, though thankfully just a small part of the truth. Such tragedy is among the consequences of our illnesses. People need to know that so they will take us seriously and educate themselves about perinatal mood disorders and take action to make sure women have the services they need. If society can convince itself that postpartum depression is just a temporary setback and no real strategic plan of attack is necessary, than it will take that path of least resistance. We can’t afford that.
I want to hear from the Warrior Moms on this. What do you think? Do you think I should leave out such stories, or that it is an important part of the whole story? Please let me know.
Thanks for talking about this.
The tragic cases are frightening and depressing to read about. There are a few of those stories that haunt me. Personally, I remember each one and hold on to them in a manner of honouring both those particular women and families and of honouring the seriousness of Postpartum Mood Disorders.
We, the survivors, those of us who made it through to the other side of it can hold a light up in the darkness for those who are struggling in the midst of the awful darkness.
There are many ways that light shines upon us; sometimes light only shines through the cracks in the darkness. In my opinion, the tragic stories represent cracks where the light shines through.
This blog honours all of us, the survivors, the strugglers, the ones who died along the way. All of our voices must be heard. This is a safe place for that.
There is not one easy aspect of PPMD. We can brave all of it together.
A couple of things concern me about the comment you received:
1. The reader implies that perinatal mood disorders are equal.
They are most definitely not, and therefore relating to a story like this should not be done if you do not have feelings of psychosis or suicide.
Remembering that this site is read by many different individuals, I think that it's very appropriate to post all PPMD info from Mild to Severe/Psychosis.
2. If this PPMD sufferer can personally relate to a story…and truly believe that her actions are out of her control, I'd recommend getting professional help before spiraling further.
3. Stories of infanticide and maternal-suicide can be very heart-wrenching, however, if it prevents similar incidents from happening in the future, I think it's well worth it to tell the story and get the information out there to family members and sufferers that can get the appropriate help.
I just found this site in the last week and really wish this would have been around when I was experiencing my postpartum problems (8 years ago, now). I wish I would have known that someone else felt like I did — no matter how scary it was. It would have made it less frightening. Maybe not much, but some. It's the silence and isolation that causes more harm, IMO.
It wasn't long after I had gotten help that the Andrea Yates story came to light. More than anything, it showed me just what I had been saved from. And it was because I told someone.
Truth is empowering if you allow it to be — even when it's scary. My prayers are with everyone who is currently hurting.
"The truth is, even if you didn't read or hear scary stories in the media, you'd still be afraid of what you might do."
When I was hospitalized, I was on a media blackout because I couldn't take all the negativity blaring at me every day. And yet I still feared what I was capable of doing to my daughters in my darkest day – which is why I sought help, something I am so grateful for – and it is because of reading the tragic consequences of Postpartum Mood Disorders prior to my spiral downward that I was able to recognize I was not doing well. The tragedies proved helpful in my situation and I believe we need to be compassionately honest about the consequences of PMD's with women. IF we are not, we run the risk of brushing aside the seriousness of it all.
I believe that the real stories of suicide or infantcide are a very sad reality, but one that must be faced head on by society. It is all the more reason that The Mother's Act needs to be passed.
We, as a group of survivors, on a quest to enlighten and support others in their current darkness, need to send the media a barrage of information about supporting The Mother's Act when these stories air. The media simply seeks sensational stories, but it is our responsibility, to communicate to the media about the supportive resources available to women and put the plug in, to get exposure for The Mother's Act.
Tiffani
Thanks for bringing this up. Like many of your readers, I believe that women need to have accurate and honest information about these disorders.
I want to make another point about your decision to provide this information to your readers. It is so vital for families to have this information, to know what perinatal mood disorders are — what they look like and how to get help.
I have worked with families where there has been some sort of tragedy or loss related to a perinatal mood disorder. Often the family knew something was not right but they didn't know how bad things could get. They thought things would get better with time. Or they didn't know where to get help. After the fact, the common refrain was I WISH WE HAD KNOWN….
While we may want to shield some from these sad and unsettling stories, we just can't afford to leave women and their families in the dark.
Thanks!
It's truly a balancing act you've tasked yourself with, K. The bottom line is you tell the truth.
When I was going through my ppd journey I probably could not have read the truth every day or even every week. But I can now and if the truth of the stories touch a nerve within, it is often fuel to continue advocating.
Thanks for what you do!
I SUPPORT HOW YOU DISCUSS THE REALITY OF PPD AND RELATED DISORDERS. I FEEL YOU PRESENT ALL TOPICS WITH ACCURATE INFORMATION AND EMPATHY. YOU GIVE THE INFORMATION WITHOUT THE HORRIFYING DETAILS. IT REMINDS US HOW SERIOUS IT CAN BE AND WHY WE NEED TO KEEP WORKING AT AWARNESS AND THE MOTHERS ACT. ON THE OTHER HAND I DO KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO READ AND SEE STORIES OUT IN THE MEDIA. I HAD MY PPD RIGHT AFTER ANDREA YATES MURDERED HER CHILDREN. I CONSTANTLY THOUGHT THAT WAS ME. IF YOU HAVE A GOOD THERAPIST OR TREATMENT PROGRAM LIKE I DID THE THERAPIST WILL HELP YOU WITH THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. ITS HARD WORK BUT WE CAN COME OUT OF THE DARKNESS.
I agree we must tell the truth. Stories of Mothers who take the lives of their child(ren)/self are true tragedies. I too experienced such a tragedy.
Research shows that the majority of these Women themselves had prior Psychiatric Care.
In addition they had contact with other people. Still they, "Slipped Through the Cracks." And tragedy occurred. How can this be???!
I believe education is A MUST. Educational support groups are available online; as are professional opportunities for Continued Education Courses within Postpartum Mood Disorders. I believe people who are medically trained should be required to have some Mood Disorder refresher courses each time they renew their licenses.
I also believe in screening of patients. History of Bipolar disorder (Self-Family), History of Depression Self-Family), Postpartum Mood disorders in prior pregnancies, Thyroid checked at 4 mos postpartum, administer Edinburgh scale for depression in hospital and then again at the 6 week check up.
Keeping a record with the above information in each patient's chart would be excellent. Perhaps a check off list, right inside the front cover where clinicians could look quickly to assess potential concerns. From the initial visit it can be determined that the Mom has a history of Bipolar Disorder…a definite concern. It would be awesome if several of the Drs office staff would be responsible for following thorough with this patient…watching for other red flags as they develop.
I know most episodes of Postpartum Mood Disorders end with a happy ending. It takes everyone working together for such to happen.
Someone once told me, "Don't be scared just be aware."
Thank you to those of you reading this who are choosing to make a difference.
Bethe
PS
Most important — Many of my friends had a "gut feeling" that something was wrong…They didn't say anything to anyone as they didn't want to intrude or say something that might upset me…most of all they knew I was under Doctors care and assumed everything was OK.
If you have that "gut feeling" tell someone and get help for your friend who probably cannot reach out for help herself
Thanks
Bethe
When I was in "the trenches" of PPD and finally realized what was happening to me my first step towards recovery was seeing how many women were effected and reading the whole range of the illness. I felt so isolated, so alone, and so insane, that it was a great relief to read of others feeling the same (and worse). And when I finally made it to recovery (phew!) I can't stop reading, learning, and understanding how perilous my situation was, how important it is to keep talking and telling our stories to take away the shame, take away the fear of asking for help. Please don't stop telling the truth — it is so important.