Time.
One year is 7 years for a dog, right?
It's the opposite for women with postpartum depression. More like one year is 3 months for someone with PPD. Maybe less.
Just ask Allison from O My Family about the time it takes to recover from PPD. It's been a year since her diagnosis and she feels she should be over it by now. We all feel we should be over it by that point. But in fact you are still so close. SO CLOSE. It took me years. Not to get better, mind you, in a technical sense, but to get far enough away from the trauma of it all to not feel the need to cry if I even spoke of it.
"Some days, it’s like I have taken 8 steps backwards. These are not just 'bad motherhood days', no, I have those too and my PPD/PPA will still only cross my mind a couple of times. No, there are days where every other 30 minutes I have to ask myself 'is she back?'"
And medication? Just ask Casey from Moosh in Indy about the time it takes for medication to work its magic. Tylenol works within the hour. Antidepressants? Not so much. Even if you find the right one, it can take weeks to see if it's really working and if the side effects will subside.
"Imagine being trapped in a 1,000 foot jello mold with nothing but a toothpick to get yourself out. You can see a blurry reality through the jello and so you start digging your way out with your toothpick. If you have someone supporting you, your toothpick can be bumped up to a chopstick. If you choose to go to a doctor for help your chopstick becomes a plastic spoon. As you continue on with your therapy your plastic spoon becomes a wooden spoon and soon it turns into a ladle. Digging has become easier, but you still have a lot of digging to do to make it to the sunshine on the other side."
It's so unfair. To be this miserable and afraid. To find the courage to reach out for help and to realize it's gonna take more than one therapy appointment or more than one week of medication or more than a few months or sometimes one year to get back to you. To have to dig so damn hard and wait so damn long.
Time is a bitch.
But also a gift. Because in time it will leave you, that fear and those triggers and the pain and the doubt. It will leave you behind and you will be so relieved. You won't need a shovel anymore. You won't have to look over your shoulder. You won't even have to cry when you speak of the suffering you endured.
In time.
This post hit home. This week I have come to the realization that it is going to take a lot of time for me to feel truly myself again. I know I will get better, it already is getting better and I just keep telling my self to move forward with faith as hard as it is sometimes to say that to myself.
I needed this.
I was wondering when this will end…2 years Katherine…T.W.O. Of course I am so much better and that's what I focus on but times like now when I am under a lot of stress my mind automatically starts firing off at one hundred thoughts per second. Then I catch those "What if PPD is striking again"…vicious cycle. Vicious.
That time? Total douche nozzle.
Thank you. Thank you.
Time. I'm struggling with this. I have a one year old, and when he was 11 months, I felt my ppd hole closing in on me. I have 5 kids, and suffered with ppd with the oldest 4 and received medication, but my last one was a joy. Happy, healthy, I was relaxed, and doing great.
I didn't even need any meds.
But now what????!!!!!!!!
What happened? Is it possible to get ppd after a year? Do I just have too much going on in my life?
Maybe it's not as bad as I think?
I'm confused, lost and sad; this isn't normal is it?
What happened? Time. I thought time was on my side…not getting ppd with every passing week…and now?!