I hear I missed a big debate last week. The “postpartum depressionĀ is real/I’m not sure about motherhood” versus “motherhood is hard so just man up ladies/motherhood is the best thing on the planet” camp. I’m kind of glad I missed it, in a way, because it might have led to some serious high blood pressure on my part. I might have been blogging from the hospital while having surgery for a myocardial infarction. At least they’d have internet there.
It all started with Heir to Blair writing about motherhood and how it just hasn’t been what she expected, after she read a piece at another blog on the topic.
“Itās not that I thought it would be 24/7 picnics & skipping & lollipops & unicorns that fart magic fairy dust that makes puppies fly. But I didnāt think Iād have a baby that screamed at me all day. I didnāt think Iād have moments where I wished I could just put him in a cage with toys & walk away for an hour. I didnāt think I would wind up in the hospital being sedated to sleep. I didnāt think that Iād have so many moments where I just felt like, ‘OH MY GOD, I canāt do this anymore. I donāt WANT to do this anymore.’ā
She received 217 responses on that post, and most of the commenters agreed with her. But then there were some whose responses truly concerned me, and some that were outright hateful. This is highly pertinent to Postpartum Progress because Blair has postpartum depression, and PPDĀ was drawn into the comments. I’ve decided to write about some of the comments individually, so that we can break down the myths that still exist.
Here goes …
“I feel really sad that there are so many people that agree with you on this. I think it is great support which you are obviously desperate for but I am shocked at how many people have this feeling. I never thought that becoming more fulfilled with my life after I had my daughter would make me an outcast.”
“Motherhood has been the best experience of my life. Yes there are definitely days where Iām ready to tear my hair out and hope that he takes a LONG nap, but honestly those days are not numerous, and I definitely donāt question my choice to become a mother. Iām so saddened by so many people saying that they do, Iām glad they feel comfortable admitting it, but it still saddens me. I donāt feel I was lied to at all, but then I donāt look to others to form my opinions or draw conclusions from, I look at every situation myself, of course NOTHING is unicorn farts and rainbows all the time, NOTHING in life is that, and for every mom, or soon to be mom out there, if that is what you seriously expected I feel very sorry for you.”
When a mother admits that motherhood is hard, or that some days she wishes she could be off on an island by herself, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her child or isn’t fulfilled. It means she’s normal. Plenty of women feel this way, and not just those with postpartum depression.
I am a mother with two children who believes that there is nothing else she could ever do that wouldtop being a mother to her children. I love them so much that it takes my breathaway. Truly. At the same time, I guess because of my anxiety, or my personality, or my difficult childhood or who the hell knows what, they overwhelm me and there are times when I feel I just don’t know what I’m doing and would like a break. To the commenters on Blair’s blog and those who just love judging other mothers: You NEVER know where a woman is coming from. You don’t know what stresses she has in her life, from financial to marriage to other issues. You don’t know what kind of childhood she had and what kind of mother she had,and how that colors her view of motherhood. You don’t know what kind of child she has: a healthy, easy, happy-go-lucky child or a screaming, colicky, difficult personality child. Unless she is a dear friend, you don’t know a whole lot about her personality. For example, if she is truly a perfectionist, then even though she logically understands that motherhood is not perfect, the experience of not being in control will be extremely difficult for her. All these things can affect how a woman views motherhood and just because you think it’s just fab doesn’t mean she should.
Oh, and there is no black and white on this subject. It’s not that you either think being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world or you hate it. Believe it or not, you can love your children and be a good mom while at the same time questioning yourself and feeling frustrated and wondering whether you ever should have had kids in the first place.
“Iām sorry you feel lied to, but I think the most important thing we can do as mothers is to think about how YOU would like your life to be if you were your child. Would you want a mom that wishes she were somewhere else while she cares for you? Or is thrilled to put your to sleep for the night? Weāre all able to mold our lives into something that makes us happy. Sometimes itās just time to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and put others first.”
Oh goody. The bootstraps argument. Reserved for those who are completely ignorant about mental illness. Blair is having a really hard time with motherhood right now, as many women do, but hers is made that much harder by having severe postpartum depression. Bootstraps do not apply.
“I mean if you really want to change, to be the mother you wanted to be, change your perspective. Read some stories about mothers who have sick babies and use that as your comparison for ‘bad days’. Sometimes when DD is being ‘the terrorist’ I think to myself ‘Well, at least she is healthy, because it could be a hell of a lot worse’.”
You can be sure that in any debate such as this the “there are starving people in China” argument will surely raise its head. Just remember how much worse off someone else is and then you’ll be okay. I wonder if they say that to people with cancer? Just remember about the person whose house burned down, and then they were fired, and then their pets ran away, and then their whole family died, and then you’ll feel SO MUCH BETTER about having cancer!! Yay!!!
Perhaps you weren’t aware that perspective pretty much goes out the window when you have postpartum depression.
“Iāve always thought your PPD was a total front. You just hate being a mother because it didnāt work out the way you wanted. People want to come see him now and NOT YOU. Itās all about him now and NOT YOU.”
Oh, and here’s the “she’s just selfish/lazy/weak” argument. You knew that one would come up. Because, of course, we women with perinatal mental illnesses have control over how we are feeling and how our brains are working. The real reason for all of this is that we just hate not being the center of attention anymore/hate having to do all this damn work/are just defective humans who can’t handle life.
You’re right, commenterperson! I’m sure Blair is enjoying being miserable, and in fact CHOSE to be hospitalized in a PSYCH WARD because she’s just not the center of attention anymore. I CHOSE to go crazy because I just didn’t want to wipe noses and butts and have everyone coo over the baby instead of me.
Bullshit.
“I just donāt see how you could be bored with Harrison when you only see him like 3 hours a day. I would think you would be DYING to see him. Trying to eat him up, almost. Not being bored because heās splashing in the tub and happyā¦”
Many new mothers are thrilled to see their babies splashing in the tub. Not all mothers, though, are that fortunate. They may have illnesses that prevent them from enjoying these kinds of moments. Imagine for a second that, like me, every time your baby was in the tub all you could think about was him or her drowning. Not only did I not enjoy watching him splash in the tub, I couldn’t give him a bath for the entire first year of his life because I was SCARED TO DEATH.
Again, it’s easy to make assumptions that all mothers should have the same feelings you have. It’s not fair.
“There has never been one moment that I wanted to walk away. I can understand feeling stressed, tired, etc. But this whole wanting my life back/canāt believe how horrible life is with a baby thing is shocking to me! And it seems that most people who agree are not suffering with PPD. I truly hope that those of you who feel this way will think long and hard about having another baby. I just canāt imagine directing all of that negative energy towards a babyā¦that you chose to bring into this world. No wonder they are miserable little beings.”
“What exactly did you think motherhood was going to be? Your overall tone shows your strong dislike for motherhood and being with your child. And yet you have mentioned before wanting to have more children ā it sickens me to think that more children would be subjected to your feelings.”
Someone hold me down.
How terribly insulting. She’s not abusing her child. She’s not neglecting her child. She hasn’t run away. She hasn’t quit. She takes care of him and loves him the best she can. She’s reached out for help with her postpartum depression. So she expresses her misgivings and her conflicting feelings and now she shouldn’t have children?! Wow.
When I was sick with postpartum OCD I had the “strong dislike for motherhood” you mention. Who the heck wouldn’t? Prior to becoming a mom, I was fine. After becoming a mom, I went straight down the tubes, descended into hell and had a plan for killing myself. But guess what? After a long recovery and much professional help I was and AM fine. And I had another baby. And I’m a rockin’ momma. Don’t you dare say that women with perinatal mental illness shouldn’t have children, or that women who experience motherhood differently than you shouldn’t have children. Don’t you dare.
“If you didnāt already have PPD, I would have suggested getting yourself checked because the harsh statements about motherhood that you made are really only relevant to those that are going through PPD. I hope the expecting first time mothers or those thinking about having children who read this post understand this is coming from a dark place.”
Not true. In general, the statements expressed by Blair are things many moms feel. They aren’t reserved for women with postpartum depression. I don’t think saying that sometimes you wish you were somewhere else means you have PPD, and I don’t think saying that you feel like no one told you the truth about motherhood means you are necessarily coming from a dark place.
While most women have some idea that motherhood will be a difficult challenge, NO ONE expects or has an understanding of how devastating perinatal mental illness is until she is hit with it. Period. As far as Blair is concerned, no one DID tell her the truth about how her motherhood experience would be, because no one can ever really tell a mother what it will be like if she gets PPD. You only understand it if you’ve been through it. That being the case, I believe that what she wrote was partly arrived at from her PPD experience and partly arrived at because she’s a normal mom with normal motherhood frustrations.
Others weighed in on this as well. Here are Lauren Hale’s and Amber Koter’s responses to this debate as well. Also, check out the post at Not Super … Just Mom andĀ the response from the mom at Disasters in Domesticity. What do you think?
Not to jump in on the bandwagon (OK I don't have to jump, I've been on it since the beginning of this brew-haha), but here were my posts on this whole situation:
http://omyfamilyblog.com/2010/06/grieving-motherh…
http://omyfamilyblog.com/2010/06/seems-i-need-to-…
This post is amazing. I feel like it came at just the right time for me. I am recently diagnosed with my ppd and just started therapy yesterday. I have been struggling with all of what these harsh commenters have suggested–am I am bad mom? should I not BE a mom? I am learning through my healing (which involves Blair's and Lauren's blogs and so many more along with PPDCHAT on twitter) that I have a mental disability. Of COURSE I don't want to feel that way? Who does? But I am getting better.
Thank you for this post! It's amazing!
What a HUGE breath of fresh air!!! The reason so many moms struggle with PPD is… other moms. Why are we so effing judgemental when we can all appreciate what a rollercoaster motherhood is — even for those who are what I call "natural born mothers"? Thanks for using your rage to correct those who misunderstand or just plain don't 'get' what PPD is all about.
Thank you so much, Katherine. This is a much-needed post right now.
Thank you for responding to this. I have chosen to stay out of this whole debate because my life is pretty crazy right now (soon moving across the country) and I know that I could not take the emotional upheaval of getting involved in the debate. Thank you thank you thank you for this post and for being a voice and an advocate for so many of us with PPD and other postpartum mood disorders.
My mom gave me the whole "bootstraps" speech when I told her about my PPD. Hearing that from my own mother only made my PPD worse. Much worse. I truly believe that saying "why don't you just suck it up?" is like being punched in the stomach.
I just want to jump up and down and clap my hands because of all of the people who are commenting that it's incredibly ridiculous to berate or insult mothers who aren't incredibly happy with being mothers 100% of the time.
I honestly don't know where I'd be had I not 1) joined twitter and realized there were so many moms out there who'd survived PPD and were vocal about it and 2) gotten more vocal about it myself. I'm thankful that there are women out there who are speaking out and I'm thankful that there are women who are willing to take the criticism thrown at them for the sake of helping someone else while also helping themselves.
It's incredibly short-sighted to comment on what someone suffering should do when you, yourself are not suffering, and that's what I railed against last week. Instead of knocking each other around all the time to be "queen of the playground" we need to help each other out.
Thanks for this post.
Amen. Again and again.
Thanks for sharing these links Allison!
Thanks Katie! So glad you are being good to yourself, and joining in on PPDChat! Keep moving in the right direction.
Oh my gosh. That had to hurt so badly. I'm really sorry that happened to you. I can only hope that now perhaps she has more perspective and can see what a difficult illness this really is.
It would be like me commenting on how someone should deal with having a miscarriage. I've never had one. I have no idea what the process of getting through that would or should be like. I can offer resources that I've come upon (which I have), but I hope someone would hit me with a bat if I started judging someone else about something with which I have no experience … OK, maybe a Nerf bat. But still.
Thanks Amber!
What can I say, but this is another brilliant post.Why is it so hard for mothers to be supportive with each other rather than so freakin' judgmental? I've had 2 posts recently about the way new moms (inc moms with PPD) should be supported (and that ignorant comments are of no help at all). It's promising that we have more moms than ever before speaking up about their experiences and trying to end the stigma of PPD and motherhood myths.
Thank you and welcome back! We've missed you!
It’s not just other moms. It’s also healthcare providers who are uninformed, spouses and partners who are uninformed, parents or relatives who are uninformed. That’s why we have to keep talking, even if other people decide the only reason we are talking is because they think PPD is the “disease du jour”. I don’t care what they think. I care about the moms who are suffering.
Thanks Grace!
Oh my god, how horrible were some of those comments? I suppose that's what happens at the intersection of our culture's judgemental approach to women and motherhood and the general ignorance and lack of sympathy about mental illness that many people have.
I'm not a mother, but I have experienced depression – and I think I'm quite likely to get PPD. I'm sooo not looking forward to being treated like this; it was bad enough being depressed without the added complications of being a new mother and being generally expected to be over the moon about it.
My sympathies and support to Blair and all the rest of you š
I'm a two-time PPD survivor, and I am SO thankful for you, Katherine, and all of the other courageous, LOVING, beautiful moms who are so open about their struggles. It shouldn't shock me, but it still does–are we still living in the dark ages?? Is there really THAT MUCH misinformation out there??
Any woman who is brave enough to give voice to her ambiguous feelings regarding motherhood is simply being human. The thing that irks me the most about this debate is that the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" camp doesn't seem to be comfortable with reality. I really believe that there is something deeper going on here.
I really wanted to start a blog again because of this debate.
I wanted to post about my experience, and talk about how it's SO MUCH MORE than a string of bad days.
And here's what I really wanted to say: PPD is not an excuse for lazy mothering. It's not a label that we choose so that we can slack off on parenting. It's a devastating illness that robs mothers of all the joy that every mother deserves to experience. And because of that devastation, PPD survivors question their experience.
Anyone with PPD will tell you that, quite obviously, motherhood isn't what they expected. Because who really knows what PPD is like BEFORE they experience it? Good grief! Talk about kicking someone when they're down!!!
I find it interesting that the underlying fear was that a woman would "play the PPD card" just so she can slack off. I'd love for someone, anyone, to explain to me what the would look like. REALLY??? Are you serious?? Perhaps the women in the "bootstraps" camp have some unresolved issues of their own.
One thing that PPD has given me (and it's given me many gifts) is empathy for other women and tolerance for reality.
Thanks Ivy! I'll have to come by and read your posts. I've been offline so haven't been able to see anything.
As long as you surround yourself with good people and make sure they are informed about your risk for PPD, you are less likely to face this kind of unwanted and unpleasant input. Blair is online writing on her blog, which opens her up to all sorts of opinions from different people.
Thanks for sharing your eloquent thoughts Emily.
It's hard for me to understand why anyone would think a mom would choose to have PPD or any other related perinatal mental illness. Try sitting in the PPD seat for a while and you'll jump out of it like it's on fire. It's no fun, and nothing anyone would choose to go through.
I was part of a mommy message board a few years back before I had my daughter and something like this came up. There was a news story about a woman actually killing her child and she has post-partum psychosis. While it was horrible what the woman did, I felt sorry for her and some empathy since I remember what it was like for my son and I just had what I consider mild PPD.
There were plenty of women who were agreeing with me and this one woman who was adamant that this mom should be put to death for killing her child.
I have identified some of these women who are adamant about not agreeing into these categories:
a) The moms who LIVE for being moms. They are like a few people that I know personally and use babies as a way to fill their own emotional void. These moms don't see not liking mom-hood because they, literally, live for it.
b) The moms who hit the jackpot and had great babies and no PPD. While they may be tired like the rest of us, they really don't know what it is like to take care of a difficult child and/or have PPD so they can't relate or understand.
c) The moms who have had PPD, have hated their kids, but aren't willing to own those feelings and feel it necessary to berate other moms who feel the same way as a way to make themselves feel better because they hate themselves for their emotions. Kinda like the gay men who hate other gay men because they don't want to be gay.
My point is you can't make them understand what it is like to hate being a mom no more than a schizophrenic can make anyone understand what it is like to hear voices. These women have bought into the "mommy myth" that motherhood is the only worthwhile, meaningful and fulfilling job a woman can have. Some of them even feel we have to fake it "for the children".
This is the reason I have a comments policy on my own blog. If I don't like what you say, it doesn't get posted. When I post something heart wrenching for me, I do it to let others know they aren't alone. That means that anything hateful isn't allowed.
I didn't see the blog post in question, but it seems to me she needed to moderate the comments. Yea, she already saw them, but if what you say is true and she had soo many other supportive comments already, then she needed to kick those others to the curb.
I will never understand a human's need to say something hateful to someone else because they don't agree with something. I will never understand a person's need to belittle someone for their unique and individual experiences…I just hope that this mom took what the haters said with a grain of salt and looked at the bright side which was…she is not alone.
I just read Heir to Blair's post and think she did a great job of honoring her true feelings and speaking up. The majority of the responses were positive so it's obvious people appreciated what she had to say. I agree with Gamermomma's c comment. This has to do with our shadow selves. We all have aspects of ourselves that are "dark" and I think only by acknowledging them can we bring the light. I find it interesting that the women who gave negative responses are even reading a blog like Blair's. Are they just going there to feel better about themselves? Thanks for sharing this Katherine and confronting each of the myths!
Thanks for this incredible post, Katherine. It is a gift to all moms.
I get so sad when I see moms judging other moms. When we are tackling the HARDEST JOB EVER, there are enough obstacles (unrealistic societal expectations, less than family-friendly government policies, those who aren't female) without adding other women to the list. None of us knows what life is like for another person.
There are infinite ways to be a good mom, and we are ALL doing a perfectly good job. We need to respect and affirm all experiences, blissful or reality-from-the-trenches. Criticizing other women is not just an issue of understanding mental health or biochemistry: it's a feminist issue. On a very basic level, we owe each other more than that.
That is EXACTLY what it's like. And if that happened, the entire internet would have that blogger drawn and quartered.
katherine, you are a light. seriously. keep on shining. and kicking ass.
Great comments from Emily and Gamermomma! Couldn't have said it better!
I am not that surprised to be honest. I have always noted that the harshest critics of women are often other women.
It's no wonder how PISSED OFF I get when I read CRAP like this that people wrote because frankly they have NEVER experienced the HELL of PPD.
I am so tired of people judging something they have not idea what it's like. My husband could tell you it's not a front maam. . . and my father n law could tell you the days I agonized that I would someday feel Esther was a blessing when he would pray. . . My mother in law could tell you how I cried and cried because I could not be in the same room as Esther.
So, in my human-ness I say GO TO HELL to all of you who think PPD is just an excuse and we should "pick up bootstraps", or "just get over it", or whatever other "wise" info you have for us.
If you had to live just ONE HOUR of life with PPD you'd shut your POT HOLE.
AHEM. . . .
Now in my attempt to be Christ-like I say I am thankful you never had to feel the agony of ppd and just ask that you extend Grace to those of us who have. . .
OK I'm off my soap box now. . .
Katherine. . .WELL SAID. . .
Vanessa š
Katherine, thanks for posting this thoughtful and well written retort. I am a twice survivor of PPD and my second bout was really bad. I am a reader of a number of PPD blogs, one of which is Blair's. I was shocked by Blair's recent post mentioning the comment attacks that you have outlined. I couldn't understand how these commentors could say such hurtful things to a fellow mother who is clearly suffering and trying to recover from one of the most awful illnesses in existence. I guess these commentors are fortunate to never have experienced a mood disorder or mental illness, either first hand or through a loved one. God bless them for this. When I was sick with PPD I heard a lot of the "bootstrap" comments and the "you are lucky to have a healthy child" speech. Even my husband told me to snap out of it. Comments like these are the worst kind a mother suffering with a perinatal mood disorder can hear. Would you tell a mother with cancer to just snap out of it and go back to taking care of her child? I appreciate your comment about cancer because it stresses that PPD and other mental illnesses are as bad as cancer, especially for those who are suffering. Unfortunately, many people still ignorantly think that mental illness doesn't exist, that people just chose (I can't imagine why) to be depressed, have insomnia, lose their appetite, become suicidal, etc. The negative comments you outlined just prove that the mental illness stigma is still very much alive. My mother suffered with depression all her adult life, as a child I watched her suffer and our family suffer when she was ill. I visited her many times in various psychiatric hospitals and, let me tell you, they are not spa resorts. No woman would chose to go to a mental hospital to get out of caring for a child. I heard similar comments made to my mother: "be happy you have healthy children and a husband who loves you" or "think about people with cancer". Only a very sick woman seeking to get better so she can take care of her child would chose to go to a mental hospital. I still have flashbacks from visiting her at some of these places. Imagine what its like for the child of a sufferer. My mother didn't chose to subject me to this because she hated being a mother. On the contrary, I watched her fight tooth and nail to get better so she could go back to caring for her children. Fortunately I was never hospitalized for PPD but I definitely know what its like to be in a psychiatric hospital and it is not pleasant by any means. Shame on all these negative commentors and I pray that they never have to walk in the shoes of a PPD sufferer, nor do any of their loved ones. Mental illness, like cancer or other debilitating illnesses, is one of the most despicable and terrible ones out there. We know that mental illness that can take away the life of its sufferers and ruin the lives of their families, therefore we shouldn't criticize or blame its victims anymore than we would criticize or blame victims of cancer.
Thanks Ann! This topic really applies to your book "Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box". Go and read it ladies!
Thanks Alexis!
It's sad to not be surprised, isn't it? Sad.
Thanks Vanessa. I often have the same conflict: being grateful that not more women experience PPD, and wishing ever so slightly that those who judge could sit in that spot for just one moment and feel what it's like.
Thanks so much for offering the perspective of a child whose mother had PPD. Great input!
Thanks Meghan!
I love these comments and this entry. I know EXACTLY how it feels to get these ignorant remarks from people who considered me a freak of nature or a selfish bitch because motherhood was not the unalloyed bliss it was supposed to be. I've been there.
If anything, I deserve credit for sticking to my duties despite my depression. I didn't find baby care fulfilling–but I did it. I felt like a prisoner in my home–but I stayed there anyway. My DH worried about getting a call from an emergency room telling him that I'd dropped off he baby and disappeared–but it never happened. I even stood up for my baby's right to be fed over the shrieks of the Boobjahedin who believed she was better off starving on breastmilk than thriving on formula. I I acted from a sense of duty and work ethic and an adult responsibility, which, I daresay says something favorable about my character that could not apply to the sanctimommies who feel so deliriously ecstatic with their babies.
Just my two cents but here goes: anyone who thinks postpartum depression is something you can get over by thinking of others,that mothers are using it to get attention, or should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps is a total f***king idiot.
Sorry, there is no way to be nice about this. If motherhood was easy for you, if you experienced no depression then good for you. How I envy women who didn't ever have days where the thought of running away was better than the thought of another day of hell. How lucky you are.
I was not so lucky.I clawed my way back to life but all the while these awful words rang in my mind. If only I tried harder I thought. If only I could get myself off the bathroom floor and clean myself up.If only I could get through an hour without crying hysterically. But as we know, there is no such thing in PPD hell land.
Women who are going through their own personal version of hell don't need this b**lshit.
So, again just my 2 cents but how bout the perfect Stepford Wives mind their own business.
I worked for social services in a governmental capacity while going through PPD/PPP. I was definately a very sick person and I actually told someone who later turned everything around and blamed me. I got in trouble at work for causing a hostile working environment (the person had a nilla folder full of my emails–my anxiety filled, mood swing self–and I was actually being treated for PPD at this time–and of course if someone did not know I was suffering, you could make the emails sound like I was a horribly bad person–and apparently that is what happened)-I was confronted by my supervisor who stated "I had emotional problems"–(Umm, duh, and that person who turned me in knew because I told the person I was suffering from PPD)but I was too sick to express this–Instead, I started to cry and ran from my job extremely humilated. I became extremely distraught, PPP episode-that night I ran my car purposely off the road. It has been 5-years, and I am just a very lucky person that I survived my accident, but do suffer from PTSD of how I was treated. So I beg anyone who wants to make judgements about mothers expressing less then rosey thoughts and experiences…SHUT THE HELL UP if you can't say anything encouraging, or uplifting. It may be one of the only times that SILENCE may save a life!
PS: I do not work here anymore. You can just imagine the politics that happened to cover this up. The government is pretty much uninformed as well.
It is really striking to me how many of my readers were made to feel so badly by others while going through PPD. As much as people think society is educated about this and supportive of new mothers, it appears that's just not true.
I know what you are saying. I'm not sure they are perfect though. Just ignorant about the suffering of others, at least when it comes to mental illness.
i am completely overwhelmed by this post. your blatant anger and rage is absolutely powerful and refreshing. i am a mother who struggled with severe ppocd & depression with my second child. talk about being blind sighted. my boy is now 2.5 years and i still find myself climbing out from the shadows of judgement about this illness. all of these hateful words and thoughts that i too assumed and applied to myself- it is the letting go of these deeply entrenched & accepted ideas that is so hard for me. and now i really really get it- no mother, no human for that matter, would ever choose to live in such darkness- plain and simple. it is a living hell. i know now that judgement about these illnesses gets us no where. be grateful if you are one who has never had to struggle in this way and be certain that those who have struggled or who are struggling are holding on with all there might to find a way out- and chances are, when they do, they come out the other side having a compassion for humanity that is deep with a sense of knowing.
keep up the amazing work katherine. your courage has helped me thru many days over the past couple of years. thank you.
This post is awesome Katherine! THANK YOU!