“I’ve tried to reach out to postpartum depression support organizations, but they have voicemail machines instead of people … and I never end up leaving a message. By the time they call back maybe I’ll be fine again? Maybe my daughter will be napping and I won’t want to take the call and, consequently (she’s a very, VERY light sleeper), wake her up. So I just hang up.”
This issue, which I was reminded of by the recent Postpartum Progress reader comment above, has been bothering me for a long time. I have heard it many times from women who are desperately seeking help. They finally decide to make that call and are met with “Please leave a message after the beep.”
I understand why, of course. Most of the support organizations for postpartum depression & related illnesses are all-volunteer and have very limited budgets. They do awesome, heroic work. I’m not questioning them. I know there are many issues around having a hotline.
I also understand why being met with a machine is not the ideal situation for a mother who needs answers and immediate support. I think of the moms who are crying, alone in the dark, at 3 in the morning. What if they had someone to talk to at that moment who really understood?
I remember when I first decided to reach out for help for my postpartum OCD. It was unbelievably scary. I was uncertain. I didn’t know who to call, or if I should tell them exactly what was going through my mind. Would they arrest me? Take my kids away? I think that if a live person hadn’t answered the phone, I wouldn’t have left a message either. I would have crawled back into my hole. I also think that if someone answered but that someone didn’t know much about postpartum OCD and wasn’t able to talk with me intelligently about what I was going through I would have gotten off the phone in a hurry.
It’s my dream that one day there will be a 24-hour hotline staffed by experts and survivors that is specifically for women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
What do you think? Would that be awesome, or is what we have now enough?
Yes, we need one. With live people. Who make house calls, even! But first, we need to let new moms know what PPD is, so they can recognize what's happening and realize when it's time to place that call. I didn't know enough when I was struggling with PPD. I thought it was just an emotional bump in the road and that I should soldier through it with my head high. The effects for my family were devastating.
I think it would be amazing. My 24-hour call line was my sisters & mom but not everyone has that. I realize how lucky I was.
Absolutely, we need one. When the time comes that a woman reaches out for help– no matter the hour — she needs to find a warm hand reaching back.
Sharon makes some great points above that education about what PPD *is* also needs to take place.
In the meantime, Katherine, please know that PP helps women every day. I found this website in the middle of the night, as I desperately serached for someone, something that would help me to feel less alone. There you were with the amazing site you've created.
Is there still work to do? Of course. I just hope you never lose sight of the great work you've already done and continue to do.
Thank you so much Heidi. That is so sweet, and really means a lot to me.
House calls. Now THAT would be AWESOME.
Amen!!! How can we make it happen? (I'm in.)
I had the worst luck w/ support groups…many, many nights spent confused & crying my eyes out…called a couple of support lines and got just that…voicemail, and then someone on the other end with no experience whatsoever…this would definitely be a blessing….so happy I found your site when I did…that was one of my blessings through this ordeal.
Wow. You guys are going to make me cry today.
I don't think there is ever going to be "enough" support for PPD. This idea is fantastic and I would do just about anything to help set it up!
I second this… My support at first was my mother and best friend both who had never experienced what i was going thru… This would be a blessing.. I would love to volunteer and help out as well.
I think a hotline would be awesome! Because honestly, if I was trying to call someone for help and I got voicemail, I would just hang up and crawl back into my hole. And it wouldn't make it likely that I would call anyone for help again.
Have you all heard about the Imalive ). Its an online crisis center that they are trying (may have been) launched. The are partnered with http://www.hopeline.com/. But I love the home visit idea! I so would go visit new mommies. It is such a trust issue though. Katherine, I had the same thoughts as you did: Would they arrest me? Take my kids away?. The effcts of Post partum related illnesses can be so devastating, yet we all know that once moms get better, they can be tremendous mothers. It is sad knowing so many women are going through this right this second, and they can be helped, but the support is not there. Grr. We need to do something more.
We most definitly need one. I had called my crisis hotline once and they hung up on me before I could even say hello. Could you imagine if I was seriously contemplating doing someting and they were my only lifeline and they hung up?!!
In my city they were supposed to have started a peer support group via phone. PPD survivours swaped numbers with women suffering from PPD and they called them when they needed to chat. I really want to be a aprart of this someday. I'm not sure if it has kicked off yet though.
I think that it would be a wonderful thing to have PPD specific councellors. Man, that would be so so awesome!
I wish there had been something like that for me…I tried so many different numbers and either got machines or given another number to call, with no luck…or people who have no experience with PPD/A I felt so nervous just to make each call and then ended up crying feeling hopeless so many times…I finally found your blog and other mommas online who gave me the strength to keep trying and reaching out until I found help…thank God for all of you supportive women who blog, you are all gutsy and my hope and inspiration…huge thank you, and hugs : )
Well, I don't think we have enough. I think internet sites – and especially yours – function as a hot-line now. It's always on, someone always seem to get it, but even better would be people ready to respond, round the clock.
There definitely needs to be a live person you can talk to. When I was going through PPA, I searched desperately online for a live number I could call that was not the suicide hotline. I was not suicidal and just really wanted to talk to someone who understood. I called my sister and she was supportive, but not what I needed at the time. I also tried contacting support groups, but no one was having any meetings at the time. I would have LOVED to talk to a live person at the time I was at my lowest point.
When I finally got up the courage to call for help, I got "we don't have anyone who can call you back for a couple of weeks." I think that was my breaking point. I thought that I wouldn't make it two more weeks. I had no idea where to turn. At least I got to talk to actual people. If I had gotten an answering machine, I would have lost it.
I called the moderator of my new moms' group (who was a psychologist) in tears. She saw me the next morning (for free, no less) and helped me line up names of doctors who could see me and support groups to join. She called on my behalf to get me seen. She allowed me to join in an additional group moderated by her so I would be able to keep meeting with and checking in with her. I literally don't know what would have happened had she not stepped up to help out.
Now I learn that Mass Gen has an actual department for women's mental health and specialists in post partum mood disorders. I delivered at MGH…had a post op check up there…and noone offered services or resources. And I didn't know to ask.
When you're knee-deep in PPMD, you can't organize yourself well enough to find the resources you need. You really need someone to do that for you. A hotline that could get you counseling referrals, support groups, area hospitals with specialists. That would be amazing.
Sorry for the long comment. Guess I needed to vent a little, huh? Thanks for all the work you do, Katherine. I agree with the other mommas – your website has been instrumental in helping me feel less alone. And now I feel like I can help out/give back. That's just as powerful for me.
I think talking to a real person is critical, but would it also be helpful to have an email network? Where someone could ask you for help and you could delegate to us healthy moms. We could be matched up with a mom to help out via email (and possible phone if both felt comfortable): check in, scour the web for resources, support groups, and phone numbers for the fragile moms can't handle all that? Organize it for them – maybe even call on their behalf? I'd totally be up for that. Maybe something like that already exists. I'm not sure.
YES YES YES!!!!
In addition to what everyone else has said I think that a lot of the time the women who are calling those lines have been diagnosed but are still struggling through or relapsing so they need help and support NOW not when someone else has the time. When I spiralled out of control I called a local line and got a voice mail – they didn't get back to me until the next day. Thankfully I called my husband and he ordered me to the Dr's who were amazing but if I didn't get any help until the next day I honestly think it would have been too late. Now, despite them having called me to check in a few times I don't trust them – I already know they won't necessarily be there when I need them.
I agree with Needsnewbatteries too that the internet has become a support line of sorts. I know I would have been absolutely lost without you, Beth-Ann and all the other people who have responded to my outstretched arms of need. xoxo
My memory is very fuzzy. And to this day I am finding clothing and toys that I had purchased in the depths of my depression, that I have no recollection of. My story is not the most serious of cases and is not the most mild, but I believe that I was given this illness to help others and that we are all the best medicine for each other.
Wow, that would be awesome. When I first called a doctor, I was met by a very unsympathetic receptionist who told me there wouldn't be an opening for a month and a half. I was bawling and ended up hanging up. I somehow got up the courage to call up my obsetrician and it was night and day – that woman assessed my mood, asked me where I was and if I was people at the time, worked to find a doctor who could see me within the next week, and then called me back twice that week to check on me. If I wasn't able find the strength to make one more phone call, who knows what I might have done?
Sign me up! You know, Obama has that call-a-voter drive he does every election. One calls up a person from a Caller ID proof phone number and begs them to vote. I never care one way or another how someone votes; I think democracies work best when EVERYONE votes.
SO, why can't something like this be set up for new moms? Can't there be a way to have Caller ID proof anonymity that would connect a mom struggling with PPD, PPOCD, PPP, to a mom who has been there and DONE that?
I know my husband and I went to a PPD group three weeks after Luigi was born and when I told of my suicidal thoughts and showed the top parts of the scabs on my breasts that I had made b/c the stupid things wouldn't make milk, everyone looked at me with that, "Wow, it could be a lot worse. I could be HER!" look and I never went back. Who wants to be the most insane person in the room?
Katherine, I'm sure you've got lots of spare time 😉 , can you task force us on this one and see what can happen? I'd easily give an hour a day to this project/
Absolutely we need a hotline. At one point when I was finally ready to condsider joining a local support group (that took a lot of internet searching to even find), I never received a callback from the group leader. I'm still upset by this.
And I second what many ladies before me have said: your site was a godsend to me. Thank you.
I think a hotline would be very very useful. I have often thought at 3 in the morning, when I can't sleep and I have no one to talk to, being a single mother, that I wish there was a hotline for PPD that I could call.
I don't feel comfortable talking about it with friends or family because they think because she's 14 months old, I shouldn't have these feelings anymore. I don't even know of a hotline. Do you?
The Massachusetts Department of Public health provides free brochures & (24 hour telephone support) called "Being a Mother is a hard job. It's ok to ask for help" It talks about how women can become depressed either during pregnancy or even several months after giving birth. There is a tel # for the Parental Stress Line, 1-800-632-8188 which is a 24 hour 365 days a year. You do not have to give your name and the call is private. There can be a wait (you listen to some nice music) but you will get a live person. They also have out of state support tel#
Thank you for this. I needed that number today.
OK. You're on the task force.
The problem with a lot of the other hotlines is that they are suicide hotlines. Most of the women who would utilize or want a hotline or 24-hour support line for PPD want someone to talk to specifically about PPD and related illnesses. They're not calling about suicide per se (though certainly a small percentage of them might). They want someone to talk to RIGHT NOW who has specific knowledge of PPD. The only line that currently does that — and they're awesome — is PSI's 1-800-944-4PPD. It's only answered during the day though.
You're not alone on that. I really do hear this a lot from moms. They have to leave multiple messages in multiple places, and it takes people days to respond if at all. I just don't think that's what we want.
And thanks Lex for the kind words!
It's funny you say that, because something similar happened to me. I was not aware that Emory had a superb women's mental health program in Atlanta until AFTER I had recovered from PPOCD. Why?
And please don't apologize for long comments. I love hearing what you have to say.
Task force member #2!
Oh gosh. I hate to hear that. Sorry Julie! You should be upset by it.
That 1 to 5 in the morning period is such a big deal. So many of us are up then, in the dark, feeling alone and miserable. I think I would have called then had someone been available that I trusted.
Interesting. I will check that out.
I think it's a great idea…
If there were a remote phone one and a way to answer it live, that could make it a possibility.
I know of one place where if you happen to call during one person's shift, she can answer, live. Without the remote answering possibility, then that's the only person who can answer live.
One challenge would be that the volunteers *may* also need to have crisis training for live calls. That could reduce the pool of available volunteers from what it is already. (looking to volunteer?)
I could see a line that is answered live, in the US from say 8 am. Eastern through 8 pm. Hawaii time (2 am. Eastern). A warmline (where you leave a message) at least gives the volunteer time to find resources for the caller's area rather than trying to talk, listen and search while on the call.
Yes, when a caller needs to be called during her lunch hour etc., that can be challenging. Besides, when you finally ratchet up the courage to make the call, you want to do it, right that minute.
*a remote phone and a way to answer it…
Sounds like an awesome idea. I try to answer if it's an unknown number (against all my usual phone rituals) now that I'm a co-cordinator for just this reason.
I also have a dream of starting a project called the Parent Tap Out project or P-TOP. I got this idea while visiting my sister who is an RN on a pediatric floor at a local hospital. I saw this exhausted mother who came sulking to the nurses station and said 'I'm just going to jump in the shower, if that's okay. He's finally sleeping now" I asked the nurses if there was some sort of volunteer program where someone could sit with these kids so the parents can go home and take a shower, change clothes, eat something not out of a vending machine. There isn't. Then I started thinking about how it could work with new moms. People who make house calls. Stop by to do laundry, feed baby, do dishes, make dinner etc. Just to give new moms 30minutes to themselves or a few hours of sleep. Sorry… tangent over.
I'm psyched for a phone line!
is it possibile for me not to experience any symptoms (or maybe i just ignored them and thought that was how i was suppose to feel)after your baby has turn one? im twenty years old who is a stay at home mom with no one to talk to. i have sixteen month old twins one with as everyone puts it a minor birth defect im lost and im done trying to talk to ppl who has not gone what i am going thru to get help i need answers i need help!!! am i wrong?
You are not wrong. You deserve help. Have you called 1-800-944-4PPD? Please do. They will connect you to people in your area who can support you.
1-866-ENH-MOM. There is one!
True, but that one is only for moms who live in the Chicago area.
I found this article while hunting for a hotline that would answer…we really need this
Yes please!!!