Read a story by Bonnie Rochman at Time magazine today that breaks my heart. It’s about the mother of a daughter who was recently murdered, who placed this daughter for adoption as a baby because she had severe postpartum depression.
I don’t hear about this happening often, but I can tell you that over the 6+ years I’ve been doing this blog, I have heard from a handful of women — maybe 3 or 4 — who placed their children for adoption while sick with PPD, only to feel they had made a mistake once they recovered and wished to get them back. They were struggling so severely that they felt, or in some cases were made to feel, that adoption was their only option. I don’t think any of the ones with whom I’ve spoken were able to regain custody.
I’m not implying that adoption is a bad thing, of course, or that all mothers who relinquish custody have PPD, of course, or that all women who choose to put a baby up for adoption regret it, of course. Adoption can be wonderful. I’m just sad to see some women with perinatal depression make choices out of desperation, regretting them later, because they didn’t think they had other options.
Oh absolutely heartbreaking.
Steph
Aww, that is sad. I hadn't heard of anyone doing that, but I definitely had days where I felt that my child should not be under my care. 🙁
It has rolled across my mind they may be better off if I weren't their mother, but it has never occurred to me to put them up for adoption. But if I did, I would hope someone would not say in a news article that I had "ditched the kid." If a woman is in such a bad spot as to think their child/ren would be better off with someone else, she deserves all of kindness we can give her, all of the support available. I guess I just feel the attitude of that article was geared against the mother. It gave me the same feeling as when you hear someone say if you suck it up and tough it out then the PPD will just go away.
One of the not so good doctors I talked to suggested this. I saw after just discovering I was pregnant with my 3rd child after briefly getting over the depression from the 2nd one. She asked if I would consider giving the new baby up for adoption. I looked at my husband in disbelief. I had thought of this in my darkest times but never actually thought I would do it. For her to actually suggested is…I don't even know what.
Yes. I thought "ditch the kid" was a very unfortunate choice of words from Samantha Meltzer-Brody.
I. Am. Speechless.
Perhaps the ob was projecting his/her own ambivalence about motherhood. My guess is ob has history of ppd or trauma. So unfortunate…but happens all the time with female ob's I see and their advice to patients. They are not trained in countertransference.
It makes me sick to my stomach to admit this but I would daydream about giving my son up for adoption…like getting rid of him would make me better again.
I can totally see that if I didn't have my husband and my family around me, this could have potentially happened.