One of the symptoms of postpartum depression is difficulty concentrating and making decisions. When Iwas sick with postpartum OCD, I can rememberdistinctly two times when I almost gotboth myself and my baby killed by running stop signs. These weren't unfamiliar stop signs. These were ones I passed by every day. Yet I blew right by them on two occasions, primarily because I just couldn't think straight. I couldn't concentrate. I felt like there were too many things going on at once and I couldn't keep up. I couldn't trust my brain.
I just came upon this post fromJohn at themental health blog Storied Mind about making decisions when we're depressed. I love his description:
"Depression brings the whole world inside me. I look at people and everything around me, and I’m not seeing anything but evidence of how bad I am. I’m dancing with my own nightmares. Even if I’m only mildly depressed and feel suspended amid a thousand possibilities, no one of which I can choose, I’m assuming that whichever I might pick will not take me anywhere. I’ll move in an endless circle.
Or else I’ll feel nothing, and there is no point in wanting anything. I put on a good show, pass for happily adjusted to life but only see blankness ahead – if I take the trouble to look. And in the most desperate state of severe depression, I’m running for my life. The idea of choosing a different path doesn’t enter my mind.
What’s common to all those ways of being depressed is an all-or-nothing thinking. Nothing good can result from what I do, and so there is no vision that I can choose of my own will. Everyone else is better than I am, and each seems a powerful presence that only makes me smaller still. Whatever I do will not work and only confirms the worst. All the creative possibilities I might see when I’m healthy become so many triggers of obsessive thinking. "
I'm betting quite a few of you can relate to this.
Click the link for other stories on the symptoms of postpartum depression.
Sheesh. Yeah, I can, unfortunately. Good to hear I'm not alone.
I just reach a state I don't WANT to make another decision. I make them all day at work, because I have to, and for the baby, because I have to, then when DH askes me what I want for dinner I flip out. I don't want to have to choose dinner. I want someone else to tell me what and when to eat, so I don't have to worry about making the right choice, or figuring out the option he secretly wants but won't tell me, or having to decide whether to cook or take out or shop… UGH – all too much!